Feeling disconnected/lost.

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by SplinterStar, Apr 15, 2014.

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  1. SplinterStar

    SplinterStar Active Member

    I recently shaved my head, which as a female is basically cardinal sin. I'm having trouble feeling anything, that's most of my life since I have high functioning autism and pills can't fix it. I've felt hollow with occasion spikes of violent emotion since I was capable of thought. What makes a female other than the biological bits? Whats makes me human? I don't know, but I'm very aware that drifting like this is going to lead to me becoming suicidal soon. I can't drift around feeling nothing forever before the depression kicks in sharply and sends me running to my favorite cutting knife. I just took a month to close and heal up the last cuts, I finally look normal again.

    I hate that I cut my hair but it feels good at the same time, like I gave away my identity. I'm just not wearing makeup anymore so I wouldn't be surprised if my mother didn't recognize me. I feel so isolated that I lay in bed sometimes and don't bother to get up because I don't exist to most of the world. I feel nothing and I feel lost, and I barely sound coherent right now. The depression is coming for me like an earthquake and its only a matter of time before it hits and makes me go crazy.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You sound coherent to me hun and you are not alone We are here ok we understand depression I do hope though before you spiral even more downwards you can talk to your health team and get some supports in place for you get your meds upped or added on to but talk to your doc ok
    hugs to you
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hope you are feeling a little better hugs
  4. loneland

    loneland Member

    I feel I can relate to how you feel. I often feel drifting and alone and like the world around me will swallow me in its chaos. My depression is always snapping at my heels, ready to dismember me. What I do when I feel this way to avoid hurting myself or falling apart is delve into something that pulls me into it, that requires a lot of involvement from me. I practice my violin for hours, or run/walk as fast as I can through the woods, write and write until I just can't write anymore, clean my entire house, just something I can hurl myself into until I'm exhausted. Sorry I can't offer any better advice.
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