I recently shaved my head, which as a female is basically cardinal sin. I'm having trouble feeling anything, that's most of my life since I have high functioning autism and pills can't fix it. I've felt hollow with occasion spikes of violent emotion since I was capable of thought. What makes a female other than the biological bits? Whats makes me human? I don't know, but I'm very aware that drifting like this is going to lead to me becoming suicidal soon. I can't drift around feeling nothing forever before the depression kicks in sharply and sends me running to my favorite cutting knife. I just took a month to close and heal up the last cuts, I finally look normal again. I hate that I cut my hair but it feels good at the same time, like I gave away my identity. I'm just not wearing makeup anymore so I wouldn't be surprised if my mother didn't recognize me. I feel so isolated that I lay in bed sometimes and don't bother to get up because I don't exist to most of the world. I feel nothing and I feel lost, and I barely sound coherent right now. The depression is coming for me like an earthquake and its only a matter of time before it hits and makes me go crazy.