Feeling disconnected...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by spooky, Jun 8, 2011.

  1. spooky

    spooky Active Member

    I've been feeling very disconnected from everything and everyone lately. My husband, my family, people at work. I don't know if it has something to do with my chronic depression or hypothyroidism, that I just started being treated for.

    I guess the best way to describe it is I'm like a puzzle piece that doesn't fit. My husband doesn't understand. I try to talk to him but he is too distracted to listen. We've been seeing a therapist for over a year trying to learn to communicate better. Tonight I burst into tears at our session because he wasn't being understanding, he was getting defensive and snotty. When we got home put on a big show of being a jerk. He's not speaking to me and he knows I hate the silent treatment but I'm too worn out to try to get him to knock it off.

    My husband is a good man. He is just very easily distracted. Sometimes I get frustrated with the fact he offers to do things for people and spends a lot of time and effort on it but when I ask him to do something, i.e., a household chore, he has an excuse why he can't do it or he puts it off. We have been married 12 years. There are some things I am unhappy with, like he used to be affectionate and loving but he hasn't been that way in years. I thought maybe it was stress, maybe it was me (it wasn't someone else), maybe it was hormones (he's 10 years older than me) but nothing I can make sense out of. He does his thing, I do mine. We don't have any kids. He dotes on our cats like you wouldn't believe. Go figure.

    I have two bosses, one male and one female. My female boss and I have worked together for over 2 years. I always felt a connection with her, that I could be one step ahead of her needs and that I could make decisions based on what she'd want. Since the first of the year she's been distracted and distant. I know she's busy but I miss the time I got to spend with her before. She hasn't met with me on an individual basis in a long time. A lot is happening in our company and I know she has a lot to deal with but I wish she'd remember I'm her assistant and that I need her attention now and then.

    People I work with are OK, but they are all concerned with their own issues. I feel like a bartender sometimes - everyone comes to me to complain/gripe/vent/cry/bend an ear but no one seems to have the time to listen to me. Or if they do they look at me like I've just turned into a space alien. It's frustrating to be the constant listener but not have anyone listen to me.

    I don't have a lot of friends. I have acquaintances, colleagues, people I say hi to, how are you, great, thanks, have a nice weekend. My best friend lives many states away and she's a busy mom of 4 kids so her number one priority is obviously taking care of her family, which I totally understand and respect. I wish I had some friends that were closer though.

    In February I hit the big four-oh. Is that it? I have been on Lexapro for years. Maybe it's not working anymore? I've tried other antidepressants in the past; Paxil stopped working for me so I had to switch to Lexapro. Is it my thyroid? I don't have anyone to talk to outside of work except for my husband (who doesn't really listen unless I practically sit on him) and my best friend who I email with my woes and then think I'm horrible for dumping on her when she's got a perpetually-traveling husband and four kids, one of them with mild autism.

    Well I guess that's enough of a release for now. I sincerely thank anyone who reads this...

    Spooky :ghost:
     
  2. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    Hi Spooky,
    Welcome to SF.
    I don't know if I can be of any help to you but I do hope that things get better for you.
    I've never been married so I can't relate to that- but I do hope that you husband becomes more patient and loving. I can relate to not having many friends as I really don't have any. I'm sorry that everyone keeps coming to you with their problems- obviously everyone feels they can trust you. I doubt your best friend is tired of you venting to her.

    Keep posting here- lots of great caring people here.
     
  3. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    Hi Spooky,
    Welcome to SF.
    I don't know if I can be of any help to you but I do hope that things get better for you.
    I've never been married so I can't relate to that- but I do hope that you husband becomes more patient and loving. I can relate to not having many friends as I really don't have any. I'm sorry that everyone keeps coming to you with their problems- obviously everyone feels they can trust you. I doubt your best friend is tired of you venting to her.

    Keep posting here- lots of great caring people here.

    Sorry for replying with the same post twice.
     
  4. spooky

    spooky Active Member

    Thanks for the reply Autumn. Tuesday night my husband and I had our marriage counseling session and he got all pissy, wouldn't speak to me and came home and acted like a jerk.

    Yesterday was awful. I had to go to work and pretend like everything was okay. Today we emailed each other some and he said, "Waterboarding is no match for a persistent woman." So in other words he was saying I'm worse than waterboarding. This for asking him to clean up the crap he leaves laying around our apartment all the time. I try really hard not to say anything about it. He cleans up a little sometimes but for every mess he cleans up he makes three more. I knew he was a slob before we got married. I'm a total neat freak. That's not always fun.

    Tonight when I got home I took down what few decorations I had on the walls in the living room and kitchen in our apartment. My husband treats it like it's his studio (he's into indie filmmaking) and it's a freakin' mess all the time so I just had to accept the fact this is not our HOME, it's just a place to live.

    We used to have a house. A 3-bedroom house. It wasn't huge, it wasn't new, but it was ours. We lived in the Midwest. We both lots our jobs in 2004 so we moved to San Diego to see what life had in store for us. My husband is from CA originally so he was glad to be back. However it was horrible for me - total culture shock. I have no family here, we had no friends, no jobs. Not to mention my father-in-law and his wife live a couple of hours away and they are just hell to deal with. My husband refuses to deal with his dad's idiocy so it makes things really hard.

    Now we have a tiny apartment, I still have no family, we have no friends (my best friend lives back east), I have to deal with my crappy in-laws and my husband with all of his issues. He has depression too but he hasn't learned to deal with it as well as I have mine. He has anger issues. He's not physically abusive (if he was I would kill him). He has immaturity issues even though he's older than me.

    We fight about money and family a lot. We don't have a romantic life at all and haven't had one for a long time. We've been in marriage counseling for almost 2 years and when we take one step forward we take two steps back. I think we have the most patient counselor ever. I feel like my husband and I are in a vicious circle - we keep going over the same issues over and over again and I'm just so tired of it. I am ready to give up.

    I won't even get started on my depression or other issues that make me the way I am. I am really stressed out about work. My husband doesn't really listen to me; he pretends to but then I can tell he's zoning out. He's the only person I have to talk to besides my best friend and I have to email her; she's a busy mom and doesn't always get to write as often as she'd like. I like some of the people I work with but we don't do anything outside of work. I've tried to find something I can do - volunteer work or something (my husband volunteers with 2 organizations) but I just haven't found anything.

    For the past 7 years I've been struggling with so much. My parents guilt trip me all the time about not visiting them; I haven't had the time or money because of work. I'm finally going to visit them in July and my mom is already starting to stress me out about it. I hate to fly and I'm not looking forward to getting on that plane. My husband isn't coming with me because he just started a new job and doesn't have time off. I've had jobs, I've been laid off, I've gotten new jobs, my husband has gone through the same thing. We've had money problems - we filed for bankruptcy after we moved here because we couldn't deal with our debt. We live paycheck to paycheck because everything is so expensive here. Our rent payment for our apartment is twice as much as what our house payment was.

    Wow, there I go venting. But I guess that's the subject of this forum. I appreciate anyone who's bothered to read this. I think most folks here will be understanding if nothing else.

    :ghost: