I've been feeling very disconnected from everything and everyone lately. My husband, my family, people at work. I don't know if it has something to do with my chronic depression or hypothyroidism, that I just started being treated for.
I guess the best way to describe it is I'm like a puzzle piece that doesn't fit. My husband doesn't understand. I try to talk to him but he is too distracted to listen. We've been seeing a therapist for over a year trying to learn to communicate better. Tonight I burst into tears at our session because he wasn't being understanding, he was getting defensive and snotty. When we got home put on a big show of being a jerk. He's not speaking to me and he knows I hate the silent treatment but I'm too worn out to try to get him to knock it off.
My husband is a good man. He is just very easily distracted. Sometimes I get frustrated with the fact he offers to do things for people and spends a lot of time and effort on it but when I ask him to do something, i.e., a household chore, he has an excuse why he can't do it or he puts it off. We have been married 12 years. There are some things I am unhappy with, like he used to be affectionate and loving but he hasn't been that way in years. I thought maybe it was stress, maybe it was me (it wasn't someone else), maybe it was hormones (he's 10 years older than me) but nothing I can make sense out of. He does his thing, I do mine. We don't have any kids. He dotes on our cats like you wouldn't believe. Go figure.
I have two bosses, one male and one female. My female boss and I have worked together for over 2 years. I always felt a connection with her, that I could be one step ahead of her needs and that I could make decisions based on what she'd want. Since the first of the year she's been distracted and distant. I know she's busy but I miss the time I got to spend with her before. She hasn't met with me on an individual basis in a long time. A lot is happening in our company and I know she has a lot to deal with but I wish she'd remember I'm her assistant and that I need her attention now and then.
People I work with are OK, but they are all concerned with their own issues. I feel like a bartender sometimes - everyone comes to me to complain/gripe/vent/cry/bend an ear but no one seems to have the time to listen to me. Or if they do they look at me like I've just turned into a space alien. It's frustrating to be the constant listener but not have anyone listen to me.
I don't have a lot of friends. I have acquaintances, colleagues, people I say hi to, how are you, great, thanks, have a nice weekend. My best friend lives many states away and she's a busy mom of 4 kids so her number one priority is obviously taking care of her family, which I totally understand and respect. I wish I had some friends that were closer though.
In February I hit the big four-oh. Is that it? I have been on Lexapro for years. Maybe it's not working anymore? I've tried other antidepressants in the past; Paxil stopped working for me so I had to switch to Lexapro. Is it my thyroid? I don't have anyone to talk to outside of work except for my husband (who doesn't really listen unless I practically sit on him) and my best friend who I email with my woes and then think I'm horrible for dumping on her when she's got a perpetually-traveling husband and four kids, one of them with mild autism.
Well I guess that's enough of a release for now. I sincerely thank anyone who reads this...
Spooky :ghost:
I guess the best way to describe it is I'm like a puzzle piece that doesn't fit. My husband doesn't understand. I try to talk to him but he is too distracted to listen. We've been seeing a therapist for over a year trying to learn to communicate better. Tonight I burst into tears at our session because he wasn't being understanding, he was getting defensive and snotty. When we got home put on a big show of being a jerk. He's not speaking to me and he knows I hate the silent treatment but I'm too worn out to try to get him to knock it off.
My husband is a good man. He is just very easily distracted. Sometimes I get frustrated with the fact he offers to do things for people and spends a lot of time and effort on it but when I ask him to do something, i.e., a household chore, he has an excuse why he can't do it or he puts it off. We have been married 12 years. There are some things I am unhappy with, like he used to be affectionate and loving but he hasn't been that way in years. I thought maybe it was stress, maybe it was me (it wasn't someone else), maybe it was hormones (he's 10 years older than me) but nothing I can make sense out of. He does his thing, I do mine. We don't have any kids. He dotes on our cats like you wouldn't believe. Go figure.
I have two bosses, one male and one female. My female boss and I have worked together for over 2 years. I always felt a connection with her, that I could be one step ahead of her needs and that I could make decisions based on what she'd want. Since the first of the year she's been distracted and distant. I know she's busy but I miss the time I got to spend with her before. She hasn't met with me on an individual basis in a long time. A lot is happening in our company and I know she has a lot to deal with but I wish she'd remember I'm her assistant and that I need her attention now and then.
People I work with are OK, but they are all concerned with their own issues. I feel like a bartender sometimes - everyone comes to me to complain/gripe/vent/cry/bend an ear but no one seems to have the time to listen to me. Or if they do they look at me like I've just turned into a space alien. It's frustrating to be the constant listener but not have anyone listen to me.
I don't have a lot of friends. I have acquaintances, colleagues, people I say hi to, how are you, great, thanks, have a nice weekend. My best friend lives many states away and she's a busy mom of 4 kids so her number one priority is obviously taking care of her family, which I totally understand and respect. I wish I had some friends that were closer though.
In February I hit the big four-oh. Is that it? I have been on Lexapro for years. Maybe it's not working anymore? I've tried other antidepressants in the past; Paxil stopped working for me so I had to switch to Lexapro. Is it my thyroid? I don't have anyone to talk to outside of work except for my husband (who doesn't really listen unless I practically sit on him) and my best friend who I email with my woes and then think I'm horrible for dumping on her when she's got a perpetually-traveling husband and four kids, one of them with mild autism.
Well I guess that's enough of a release for now. I sincerely thank anyone who reads this...
Spooky :ghost: