Feeling like crap a few weeks now.. Seems like itll never end..

[Kiba]

Ive been trying my best to be positive.. yet I keep falling back into the black pit. Been doing treatment a long time. Im feeling scared, annoyed, and lonely..

Been contemplaiting suicide all weekend. I dont know if Ill do anything really. I just want to end the pain Im feeling. I want to feel better and live normally.. that seems like it will never be though.

People say Im doing a lot better, but am I? Or am I just hiding the feelings and thoughts away from others? Im not really sure... One minute I think Im fine.. The next I want to commit suicide.

Im just done with the confusion, lonliness, and life.. Im just too scared of lock down though.. I cant call crisis lines either. My therapist wants me to call certain places first, but I really think Im about to panic here. :cry2:

I dont know what else to do.. I cant stand it anymore.. I only make things worse for people.. I dont have any reason to be here.. I feel useless and unwanted.. Im not sure why Im even posting, but I guess I just want to feel like I have fiends or atleast someone..

Im sorry if I hurt anyone.. I know I type too much in the chat room and only make matters worse.. I hope I wont bug anyone ever again.. Just need the courage to do it..

 

[Viro]

I just want to make sure that you know the reason why I wasn't talking is because I was browsing the forum and have a terrible time multitasking when I'm sleep deprived.

:i'm sorry::hugtackles:

I know the feeling, that you're drowning out everyone else

 

[Kiba]

Its ok.. Been doin that lately too..

 

[Viro]

I want to feel better and live normally..

Suicide and living normally are polar opposites, unfortunately... I wish it was so easy.

 

[Bambi]

It may take courage to die but it take more courage to live and I believe you posses that courage...hell you have made it thus far, right?

You mentioned that your therapist wants you to make certain calls when you are feeling down...have you made those calls? I think you should if that is his recommendation.

It is great that you posted as you have your doubts about dying and you seem to really want to live, just with less pain and confusion which is understandable.

I certainly hope you will see from this thread that people do care about you and you are neither useless or unwanted.

I am here listening if you need to talk...it really helps to get all those crappy thoughts out of your head and who knows may be some good advice will come of it all...the answer to your problems could be right around the corner so don't give up.

Bambi

 

[Kiba]

um.. ok.. well idk if I can call the places.. Its really late.. and atm Im in panic.. >_<

 

[Viro]

Many lines are open at unconventional hours for just that reason.

Don't be afrai

 

[Kiba]

Im just afraid.. cuz.. I took something out of the bottle thats more then Im suposed to and I dont want them to find out.. havent swallowed it.. sry.. just trying to explain why Im in panic. >_<

 

[Viro]

Do you have it with you, is it at all possible to return it?

 

[Kiba]

maybe tomarrow morning.. >_<'