Ive been trying my best to be positive.. yet I keep falling back into the black pit. Been doing treatment a long time. Im feeling scared, annoyed, and lonely.. Been contemplaiting suicide all weekend. I dont know if Ill do anything really. I just want to end the pain Im feeling. I want to feel better and live normally.. that seems like it will never be though. People say Im doing a lot better, but am I? Or am I just hiding the feelings and thoughts away from others? Im not really sure... One minute I think Im fine.. The next I want to commit suicide. Im just done with the confusion, lonliness, and life.. Im just too scared of lock down though.. I cant call crisis lines either. My therapist wants me to call certain places first, but I really think Im about to panic here. :cry2: I dont know what else to do.. I cant stand it anymore.. I only make things worse for people.. I dont have any reason to be here.. I feel useless and unwanted.. Im not sure why Im even posting, but I guess I just want to feel like I have fiends or atleast someone.. Im sorry if I hurt anyone.. I know I type too much in the chat room and only make matters worse.. I hope I wont bug anyone ever again.. Just need the courage to do it..