I've always had severe major depression since I was 17 years old. At the end of July I went to see a government psychiatrist who has also now diagnosed me with Borderline Personality Disorder. I've recently had to change my psychologist as the last one (who I had been seeing for the past 5 years) can't be trusted imo. I have believed for a while that she is talking to someone like my father behind my back. (recent events seem to be proving my theory) plus it's like she doesn't believe a thing I say. Anyway, my mother says she only said what she said to help me, but when she gave me a list of things she wants me to change about myself, I just instantly felt I'm not loveable, I'm an embarrassment to her and my father. I haven't really started therapy with my new therapist yet (I start on Tuesday) so I am still very unstable and my feelings of self hate are just too strong to fight right now. Also I'm so confused. I don't want to be alone and yet at the same time my fears of trusting people makes me push them away.