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Feeling seriously unstable

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by carebear35, Aug 26, 2015.

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  1. carebear35

    carebear35 Active Member

    I've always had severe major depression since I was 17 years old. At the end of July I went to see a government psychiatrist who has also now diagnosed me with Borderline Personality Disorder. I've recently had to change my psychologist as the last one (who I had been seeing for the past 5 years) can't be trusted imo. I have believed for a while that she is talking to someone like my father behind my back. (recent events seem to be proving my theory) plus it's like she doesn't believe a thing I say. Anyway, my mother says she only said what she said to help me, but when she gave me a list of things she wants me to change about myself, I just instantly felt I'm not loveable, I'm an embarrassment to her and my father. I haven't really started therapy with my new therapist yet (I start on Tuesday) so I am still very unstable and my feelings of self hate are just too strong to fight right now. Also I'm so confused. I don't want to be alone and yet at the same time my fears of trusting people makes me push them away.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Carebear,

    I also have Borderline Personality Disorder so I can relate somewhat.

    I think there's 3 things regarding them talking behind your back:

    1) They are because you are under 18 and its within the law, have you asked about that? It could be that they have/want to.

    2) It could be paranoia and you are feeling scared and lost.

    3) They are not which would be the best outcome but for now keep up with the psych and do what they say to do.

    Either way, best of luck. think you should ask them straight up if you are afraid of it. :hugs:
  3. Northern

    Northern SF Supporter

    Really sorry about your family problems,

    Good luck with the new therapist!
  4. carebear35

    carebear35 Active Member

    Hi Petal,

    I'm 35 years old so whether they have to or want to it's unethical. Yes, I agree I am lost and very confused, but my old therapist wasn't doing anything to help me. She would create new issues, sort that out the next time and then start a whole new one. I was getting tired of always being angry and depressed after seeing her. The last session I had with her she put me on a huge guilt trip, which had me very close to suicide. The best is she puts me in that position and then tells me to talk to my psychiatrist to fix it. Do you really think she'd be honest about talking behind my back? I hinted at it once and she was all over the place trying to cover something up. I feel pretty comfortable with the new therapist. He's not technically "new" he sees me every time I get admitted to the clinic so he knows as much as the other one does, except he's had absolutely no contact with any of my family members so I know he can't be informing my father.
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