I'm genuinely not offended if no one replies I just need to write stuff down and this is as good as any. Isn't it funny how depression can cascade down on you. I'm not sure if I'm been coming down with it for ages or if it's just enveloped me this week but I feel terrible. Crying tearful waking up at silly o clock but falling asleep at wierd times really dont want to see or talk to anyone if I could only escape them all have totally lost my appetite ruminating about suicide wanting to really hurt myself to make it all go away. I feel so plastic because I bullshit everyone even good people. I simply cannot confide in other people. I wonder if it will get worse or plateau out. Imy a bit surprised cos it's been 18 months since I last had it and I've been ok and the Meds were working as they should. Wierd. I know I shouldn't but I hate myself so much. Loads of people really like me and I've lied to them all pretty much the whole time that I'm ok when I have seriously never been ok. I live with a semi estranged partner and 2 kids and I don't think anyone has noticed. That's good because I font want them to notice but internally I am definitely not good. I feel really sick tonight. I don't need replies it's enough that Ive written it down. It's one of the few genuine and honest things I ever do.