Tonight my partner came home and we got into a fight. Usual dumb stuff he makes a massive mess I clean up after him constantly. I have problems with self control my whole life when I feel like Iām not being heard or listened to I explode and scream ridiculously. I honestly know how much of an overreaction it is but in the moment when I get so angry itās like I step back and watch myself unable to stop it. Anyways everytime me and my partner fight I ask my partner to leave me alone over and over again till I end up screaming and ripping my hair out- he also takes my phone off me and it does the same thing. he has promised me he would start leaving me alone when I ask but he doesnāt.
tonight I walked away because he Made a massive mess and told me to stop nagging him when I told him to clean It up. He followed me yelling at me and I broke down took my ring off and threw it at him āIām doneā I said.
he wouldnāt leave me alone I screamed leave me alone for the 1000th time and he launched at me grabbing me by the mouth and pinning me down then strangled me, the more violent he got the more I screamed I watched myself loose control he kept going took my phone off me and held me down with his hand around my neck Iām claustrophobic so I literally couldnāt calm down if I tried, I kept screaming I canāt breathe I could feel myself getting dizzy, I punched him in the face twice and he spat blood at me āshut the fuck up before I smash your head into the wallā he screamed at me holding me down.
The second I got a breath I yelled āthis is abuse this is abuseā and āSOMEONE HELP MEā he smacked me in the face as he pushed his hand over my mouth again āyou punched me youāre more abusive then meā I went into shock at the statement. I blacked out and when I came too I was on the floor the cupboard next to me was broken with blood splatters, my shirt was almost ripped off me and my whole body hurt, my partner was holding my head crying saying āIām so sorry Iām so sorry please talk to me please what do I do Iām so sorry I canāt believe what Iāve done to you do I call an ambulance please talk to me Iām so sorryā he picked me up and wiped my face down and told me he would never do that again (heās said that before tho and every argument we have gets worse and worse)
He told me he was so sorry for āpushing me that farā but when I brought up choking me or putting his hand over my mouth and sitting on me nearly suffocating me he replied so nicely āI only did that cause you kept yellingā
I donāt know what to do.
I love this man he has never gone this far before but Iām terrified of him. I donāt have anywhere else to go and the house is furnished with my furniture but the house is in his name when Iāve said Iām leaving he told me he will smash all my stuff. The only problem I have is when we argue he doesnāt leave me alone no matter where I go or what I say he follows me around screaming at me if I put my hands over my ears he rips them off and hurts me and if I retaliate then Iām the abusive one. Apparently Choking me, pushing his hands over my mouth, sitting on me, taking my phone away so i canāt call for help, punching holes in the walls next to me, restraining me so I canāt go anywhere isnāt abuse but me punching him in reaction is? I know I should never hit him but when I feel like Iām about to pass out it seems all I can do is fight back. i donāt know I love him. And Iāve been through so much worse so I donāt know why itās getting me so down.
tonight I walked away because he Made a massive mess and told me to stop nagging him when I told him to clean It up. He followed me yelling at me and I broke down took my ring off and threw it at him āIām doneā I said.
he wouldnāt leave me alone I screamed leave me alone for the 1000th time and he launched at me grabbing me by the mouth and pinning me down then strangled me, the more violent he got the more I screamed I watched myself loose control he kept going took my phone off me and held me down with his hand around my neck Iām claustrophobic so I literally couldnāt calm down if I tried, I kept screaming I canāt breathe I could feel myself getting dizzy, I punched him in the face twice and he spat blood at me āshut the fuck up before I smash your head into the wallā he screamed at me holding me down.
The second I got a breath I yelled āthis is abuse this is abuseā and āSOMEONE HELP MEā he smacked me in the face as he pushed his hand over my mouth again āyou punched me youāre more abusive then meā I went into shock at the statement. I blacked out and when I came too I was on the floor the cupboard next to me was broken with blood splatters, my shirt was almost ripped off me and my whole body hurt, my partner was holding my head crying saying āIām so sorry Iām so sorry please talk to me please what do I do Iām so sorry I canāt believe what Iāve done to you do I call an ambulance please talk to me Iām so sorryā he picked me up and wiped my face down and told me he would never do that again (heās said that before tho and every argument we have gets worse and worse)
He told me he was so sorry for āpushing me that farā but when I brought up choking me or putting his hand over my mouth and sitting on me nearly suffocating me he replied so nicely āI only did that cause you kept yellingā
I donāt know what to do.
I love this man he has never gone this far before but Iām terrified of him. I donāt have anywhere else to go and the house is furnished with my furniture but the house is in his name when Iāve said Iām leaving he told me he will smash all my stuff. The only problem I have is when we argue he doesnāt leave me alone no matter where I go or what I say he follows me around screaming at me if I put my hands over my ears he rips them off and hurts me and if I retaliate then Iām the abusive one. Apparently Choking me, pushing his hands over my mouth, sitting on me, taking my phone away so i canāt call for help, punching holes in the walls next to me, restraining me so I canāt go anywhere isnāt abuse but me punching him in reaction is? I know I should never hit him but when I feel like Iām about to pass out it seems all I can do is fight back. i donāt know I love him. And Iāve been through so much worse so I donāt know why itās getting me so down.