First post

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Mr.Durp, Nov 8, 2014.

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  1. Mr.Durp

    Mr.Durp Member

    Hi, this is my first post and I thought I'd start here.

    I've felt shitty and hated myself ever since the end of primary school (grades kindergarten to 8). I'm 22 now, left a college program I was in because I just hated it and felt I wasn't intelligent enough to continue with it. My mom died shortly before I decided to drop out of it. She was sick for about a year before that. After that things just steadily declined. My dad tried to get me to go see someone about it but it just made me feel worse. I tried to go again a while later to see someone of my choice but I couldn't bring myself to talk about anything. The only way I talk about things and work things out is with myself. I have this stuffed animal that I've had literally since I was born that I've never let go. I sort of have an alternate personality I guess and I talk to it and it sort of makes me feel better when ever I am home and can lay in bed and talk about anything without worrying about getting made fun of of being judged.

    How I've been feeling lately is that I almost prefer to feel upset and hate myself. The thought of being happy just doesn't even seem possible anymore and I've stopped trying to achieve that. It's almost like I get comfort now in feeling sorry for myself and hating who I am. I know I don't want people to feel sorry for me, but it's almost as if it's an unintentional and uncontrollable need for me wanting other's sympathy.
     
  2. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Hi Mr. Durp, I see you aren't online now but Welcome to SF, I think I can relate to your feeling upset and Hating yourself, I haven't been happy... well since I don't know how long it has been. I use to Wake in the morning and sing sometimes, shh don't tell anyone, But real! I use to, I sang at the sunrise, I appreciated beautiful sunsets. The birds singing on a nice day.
    but like you it isn't possible anymore. It is like everything is just different now. Darker and Dampened
    I am sorry that you are feeling that way,I also am sad to hear that you have been dealing with this from a young age. It certainly must have taken a toll on you.

    I am sorry to hear about the loss of your mother, I know what that feeling is and what an impact it can have. You have my deepest condolences.


    I recommend that you explore the site and possibly read some of the entries that you can. The people that are here are interested in your welfare and keeping you as safe as possible, some others will be getting in touch with you at some point and offering you support and be willing to talk or listen to your wants and needs. We hope that you feel welcome and comfortable here.
     
  3. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    I was checking back and wanted to see how you are doing? I don't see that you have been back but someone is here all the time, so I hope that you do keep posting. If you are uncomfortable as I said before go around the site and if you like, some one will seek you out. Just post or ask someone for help.

    I do relate I have a hard time smiling or even saying a kind word in general conversation for the most part. I am here a lot of the time, if you do decide you want to talk.
     
  4. Mr.Durp

    Mr.Durp Member

    I'm still here, thanks for replying. I've been busy with work (thankfully). I was off for 5 months before I started working about 3 weeks ago and after sending out countless resumes and getting nothing, not even a call back, it made things even worse. At least the only times now where I just sit at home and stare at the wall are a few hours after work before I go to bed and on the weekends.
     
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