I have never posted on a forum before and I would love some support or advice. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, GAD, and depression. I have suffered from suicidal thoughts, fantasies and actions since I was 6 or 7. My biggest issue, which seems to always trigger a suicidal thought or fantasy, is my fear of failure. Currently, I have thrown myself into a world of depression because I decided to change careers and try to "better" my life. I have tried this before and panicked. The first attempt and change put me into a severe depression with several suicide attempts. The second attempt at a career change did the same but caused 7 years of PTSD like symptoms and social anxiety. I have been seeing a therapist on and off for 13 years. My psychiatrist took me off meds because he couldn't find one that I could tolerate. I have never truly wanted to kill myself but I have, on many occasions, truly wanted to die. As per my fears, I have been too scared over the last 10 years to even half heartedly attempt a suicide because of my intense fear and anxiety that I would fail. I am diligently private about personal life, specifically my mental health. I am now just trying to get through this time in my life with some form of sanity. Please help.