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For my Ellie

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by TheLoneWolf, Sep 11, 2013.

  1. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    I know that September 11th to many people is a reminder of the tragedy that happened 12 years ago. But my greatest personal tragedy happened today. The woman I love more than life itself passed away this morning.

    I promised her I would not hurt myself, but I can't deny that I want to die right now. I don't want to carry on without her. I want to be with her. But I made a promise, that I wouldn't commit suicide, that I would wait until it was my time.

    Ellie, I love you. I always loved you and I always will. I hope you aren't in any pain anymore. I am sorry for everything you went through. I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I'm sorry we couldn't be together. I wanted nothing more than to share my life with you. You will always be in my heart. Always and forever.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Yes hun she will be in your heart and she will guide you through that pain she will i will always remember her too hun hugs to you
  3. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    I don't know what to do without her. I loved her, I wanted to spend my life with her. I knew she was sick, but I didn't expect her to die so soon. I wanted to be with her.

    I know that many of you knew her, and maybe some of you knew me. But I don't think any of you knew what her and I had together. And maybe you won't believe me. But she loved me, and I loved her. She was my baby. Her and I were going to be together. I was happy, for the first time in my life. I felt love, for the first time in my life. I wanted to spend my life with her. I knew she was sick, but I didn't care. I thought I could cure her, I thought our love would survive. For so many years I have felt so alone, and I have never loved anyone like I loved her. When I met her, I fell in such love, a love like I have never felt before. She showed me what love was. She was perfect in every way, she was everything I ever wanted. And she loved me too. I know she did. I talked to her every day. Every single day. For hours. I learned everything about her. She told me everything. She told me things she had never told anyone before, and vice versa. She was going to be with me. She wanted to give up, but I convinced her to go on, I tried to get her to fight, to survive. She wanted to survive to be with me. I wanted to be with her. I only ever wanted to be with her.

    I feel guilty for making her continue to suffer for so long. I knew she was sick, I knew she was going to die. But we're all going to die. I didn't expect her to die so soon, so young, and so beautiful. And God, was she beautiful. She was the most beautiful woman I have ever met, both inside and out. I will never know a woman so beautiful as her. I will never know anyone so pure, so sweet, so perfect as her.

    I really don't know why she loved me. I didn't deserve her. I was never good enough for her. But she did love me. She still does. I'm sure many of you won't believe me, you probably think, "oh but Ellie was such a good person, and you were a miserable prick, how could she love you?" Yes, Ellie was better than me. She was so much better than me. I know she is in heaven now. I could only hope that I am good enough to end up with her when I die. She is the one who showed me the meaning of love. I have never loved anyone like I loved her, and I never will again.
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I do believe she loved you, and you loved her. I'm so sorry for what you're going through right now. :hug: I can tell you had something beautiful. I'll be honest... I didn't really know her well. But I didn't need to know her, to realize she was an amazing person. Now she's in Heaven, looking out for you and loving you still.
  5. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I'm glad to hear from you again, and I can't imagine how you feel, but I do know what it is like to lose someone you care about. As I've said before, I'm here for you whenever you need me. I'm glad that you and Ellie did find each other, and that you did get to experience true love. It's rare and something to be cherished, and I'm glad you both had some true happiness in life. For the record, you aren't a miserable prick...I know you well enough to know that's not true. You are softest at the core, just like I am. I know that she will always be looking out for you :hug:
  6. please forgive me

    please forgive me Account Closed

    I am so sorry for your loss, I can see and hear that the love you two had for one another was true and pure, and strong, dont let anything try to take that away from you, let her memories live forever in you. you will meet again in heaven.I see she had many friends, i wish i could have met her, i am glad you all did. hold on to her love always and forever.
  7. big sister

    big sister Account Closed

    She loved you with all her heart and everything that was in her, hold onto the love you shared, i hope you can forgive, i hope you can still have that love for her the love you both shared for one another. i believe you will be together again one day. she was so lucky to have you in her life.
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi big sister it is nice to meet you hugs we are here for you as well ok so reach out for support