Friend's suicide

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by AscendingTri, Jun 10, 2013.

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  1. AscendingTri

    AscendingTri Member

    Hi everyone!
    My friend committed suicide 5 days ago after two attempts in the past and after long depression. I partly blame myself for not helping him. He lived in another country. I wasn't speaking for him for about half a year. Now I am numb. The thought that I could have helped and saved him is haunting me. The things that I will never see him again, I will always speak about him in the past tense is killing me. I almost lost my appetite. I started to notice that I am trying to speak with him when I am alone. Some times it seems to me that I am becoming him. I also had had problems before I heard he was dead. Now it is getting worse. I notice suicidal thoughts in my mind. I do not know what to do. I am loosing the meaning of life. He was my inspiration to fight, to survive. I cannot understand why he did this. Finally, I am broke. That heavy thoughts just press me. I am listening to the music he was listening to. Sometimes I caught up myself on the thoughts that he is alive and he just imitated his death
  2. prakash

    prakash Well-Known Member

    sorry to hear about it. Hope you will stay strong.
  3. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You are not responsible for your friends actions - that was a decision they made and carried out on their own. Though many people are upset by other friends pulling away as they get deeper into depression a large part of that is the realization they cannot help and self preservation. You cannot take blame for trying to keep yourself in a better state and pulling back. I honestly suspect there was some depression setting in prior to this event and it has triggered it to make it worse- if you were feeling in way depressed then you consciously or sub-consciously may have been trying to protect yourself. It is sad that so many are so certain that "nobody will care" and it "will not hurt anybody else" even to the point of thinking they are a burden and people will be glad. That is the depression talking, not reality but when in very dark place it is hard for them to see that.

    If it is only five days you are of course in the most intense stages of grieving. Give yourself some time to grieve properly and accept it as normal thing in this situation. If it persists at this level of anguish and thoughts for more than a couple weeks consider seeing your Dr for a medication to take very short term to help you get through the worst of it.

    Take Care and Be Safe

  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I totally agree with NYJmp that this is not your fault...maybe grief counseling would be of have been through a trauma and it is no wonder you are feeling as you are...and please keep posting...I am sorry for your loss
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Oh hun i know it is so hard but please don't blame yourself ok You do not know hun his mental state when it happen he could have been under so many pressures in life His decision could have been an impulsive reaction and no one could have helped him then You are still in shock hun and grieving and i agree you should not be fighting this alone. Is there a councilor you can talk to hun someone a therapist a church person . Talking helps ok reach out to a professional who can guide your through your own pain and sadness

    Sorry hun for your loss hugs
  6. shedhaddock

    shedhaddock Banned Member

    I am sad to read this. You cant blame yourself. I am here if you need to talk :hug:
  7. AscendingTri

    AscendingTri Member

    Thank you very much all :) I am getting much more better after your words :)))) hugs from me
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