Full bloom

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Gergin, Jul 27, 2016.

  1. Gergin

    Gergin Well-Known Member

    I haven't written here for a while. Mainly because I wasn't ready to talk about my issues and well my life was pretty uneventful until recently.

    I wasn't at a good place five months ago. It was like a heavy rainstorm. The more I endured it the more painful, cold, and muddy everything got. For starters my identity was stolen. That person maxed out both my credit cards and tried to get a large loan. It took me a while to sort out all the legal issues. A couple of weeks later I got fired from the job that I loved because I was depressed from getting my identity stolen. I literally laid in bed most days just because I felt so sick about it. Being jobless I was unable to pay for rent so I started doing sexually explicit webcam shows for money. A month or so later my car got stolen and when the cops found it, the body of my car was cut in three different pieces and everything was stolen from it. Then that night my boyfriend came over to my apartment to comfort me. We talked on the balcony and he kissed me to reassure me that everything was going to be okay. My neighbors saw us kiss and started calling us names and stuff and long story short we got into an alteration they hit my boyfriend in the head with a bat and I beat the shit out of them, literally. After that the apartment managers and I agreed to break the contract I had with them. At least I got my deposit back. I then moved in with my boyfriend who lives on the other side of town. Somehow my brother ( the only sibling I have contact with in my family) found out that I moved in with my boyfriend and for some reason he does not like my boyfriend and gave me an ultimatum he told me he was going to stop talking to me if I continue to live with my boyfriend, I chose my boyfriend. The negative engery in my life was at full bloom so one lonely drunken night I decided it was better to die then live another day under my skin. <mod edit - methods and details> Because of him I survived. I was in the hospital for a month that was including being outpatient into a behavior health center. I was then put into another behavior health center cause the army thought I needed extra time to heal. <mod edit - methods> This experience was a breaking wave, a constant but short moment in my existence. I'm doing better, I'm still angry and sad but I'm seeing a therapist again and called my physicist to refill my scripts.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 27, 2016
  2. lightning05

    lightning05 Well-Known Member

    I'm very sorry for that unfortunate series of events. I can't imagine the pain and terror that comes with getting your identity and car stolen and seeing your boyfriend getting hit with a baseball bat. That's horrible! I'm glad you are still with us and are seeking help and have been in contact with your psychiatrist. Have you been able to talk to your brother? Maybe if he knows what's going on he could also be a support system for you.
    Petal likes this.