Good friend gone by suicide, I left behind

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Hurtnsad, Feb 2, 2013.

  1. Hurtnsad

    Hurtnsad New Member

    I lost a mate to suicide 3 months ago. I found him hanging in his home. I still see him in my mind hanging I can't get it out. Sometimes I dream of finding others hanging . The dreams are So real , the faces of death I see. So yeah it's affected me. Going by suicide is so so different to death by illness or accident. This is death by choice. Makes it very difficult for the mates , family , & work colleagues left behind. Total carnage. I will Never be the same again . So I found him. Iwas his person he reached out too. I listened to him. I would get calls all through the night when a crisis was on for him. I always helped him, and would stay with him until he was safe. When he died i just wanted to see him after the autopsy to say good bye. See his face not hanging. His family refused saying sorry only family. I totally hate them for that. His family were not there for him, I was. He was given the shitty ish funeral I hav ever been too, and I hav been to over 20. He wasn't even there. The family didn't want a coffin at the funeral . So he wasn't even allowed to be at his own funeral. He didn't want to be burned. They burned him. Now we hav no grave to go visit and cry. I tell ya, it takes all my strength not to drive into a tree myself. I can't stand the hurt i feel everyday . My husband doesn't understand me, and why it has affected me so much, and even why I wanted to help him in the first place. This makes me so sad. One night I showed my husbabd a text message from him that said he was sorry but it was all too much And he was going to do it. My husband got angry with me and he went to bed 8 pm on a sat night !!!! I have a heart and if someone is crying out for help I am not going to walk away. Now I hate me husband I am so so angry with him. I attended so many of his suicide attempts . I knew it was real. He died of sadness. His wife had left him, taken the kids , gutterred the family home. He couldn't see an end to his pain. He took a permanent option for tempory heart ache. He ended up hating his wife with a passion for how she treated him. When he died she made out to everyone poor her poor her, but hell she was glad he was gone and couldn't annoy her anymore. Makes me so angry . I feel so sad, and angry . I just don't know when I will get past this angry stage
  2. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    As well as coming on here try to get other support. Consider support groups or therapy. Best wishes.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Anger you are feeling hun it is normal ok anger then sadness hun You are grieving and it will take time hun to heal I too wish you could talk to someone about this loss about the trauma you have went through finding your friend. You need therapist hun someone who can guide you through all these emotions and pain Hugs to you
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I'm very sorry you lost your friend. I agree with Theodora's suggestion to get some support in place irl as well as from here.

    As for your husband, it might be that like many people, he is just lost, overwhelmed by the idea of someone suiciding. It could be that it scares him, makes him uncomfortable, he doesn't quite know what to think or feel, so he gets angry at the very idea. If you join a group or see a therapist, this is something you might want to discuss.

    I hope you continue to share here and find lots of support from us. Please take care and be safe.
  5. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I am glad you are here. And very sorry that your friend passed away. It sounds like you have much to be angry about. The least of which not being grief. I completely agree with everyone who suggested counselling. Talking and getting support for this grieving process, and all the pain that was associated with it all is too much for someone to get through alone.

    Please keep writing here. Make this a community where you can come to talk, if you choose. I do not know if your husband feels left out and confused by your closeness to this friend who passed. But I do think what you have gone through and what you are going through may be a natural divide between you. Trying to support him, and then eventually finding him passed away by his own hand is a very personal expereince that your husband does not share with you. With feelings on his part as well as yours. It probably creates a division in your relationship. This may be another important reason to activly work on this in counselling,

    With work and dedication, this grief can be worked through. So the dreams can stop. And your life can be restored to peaceful again. Please keep posting !
  6. Hurtnsad

    Hurtnsad New Member

    Thanks everyone for you supportive words. I am so sad.
  7. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    yes, it is very sad, indeed.
  8. Tea_at_Four

    Tea_at_Four Staff Alumni

    Death by suicide is very different for the people left behind than a 'natural' death. If you can find a support group for surviviors of suicide loss, and have people to talk to who have been through something similar...that can be helpful. Just talking with people you do not have to explain anything to is supportive. Knowing they 'get it' without you having to tell them how you are feeling is a relief I never would have believed possible.

    Take care of yourself.