One of my cousins graduated from college with a degree in Nursing (and is having a cookout to celebrate), and she has a great job, and so does her sister, and so does her mother and so forth. Their side of the family is doing great. But every year during these things when I go, I always feel like such a fucking LOSER! All of these people are doing great things in their lives and accomplishing shit, with a great deal of cards from the start, living in a nice suburban house with a nice family, goes to church on Sundays and having lots of friends and good social lives and so forth. And here I am still haven't reached my goal, older than my cousins, and they have achieved more than I have, AND have great jobs that pay very generously, so they're able to be independent and doing their own thing now; they even have cars. And here I am, living like shit in poverty and struggling, in debt, will probably never be independent. They brag about their successes, which is understandable because they have shit to be proud of. So everything I go to one of these things I always feel so fucking embarrassed, because my aunt and mother are there too, and I used to have so much promise. Everyone asks me "hey how's law school goin, future lawyer! You still gettin' them good grades, girl! You gettin' that money!" and I have nothing good to say but "mm...nah...I'm not in law school...uh I don't make enough money...in debt...uh..:unsure:" and have to look like some fucking loser that hasn't accomplished anything by the age of 26. It always makes me feel so embarrassed to go to these damn things where there are so many people that I don't even know, but seem to know of me, and always someone who manages to ask a question about how my life is going, and I have to get all depressed and look stupid and say it's not going anywhere. Everyone has something good to talk about except me. It makes me want to jump off a god damned bridge when I'm forced to face how lame I am to a bunch of successful middle-class people. Anyway, it's tomorrow at 3pm and I don't wanna go. I mean, I love LOVE food and generally love the atmosphere of a cookout, but not when I'm in bad living shape and want to avoid confronting people. I'm the type of person that doesn't like anyone to see me sweat or see me doing badly, and I don't like for people to know I'm a good for nothing failure. So I don't want to go. I don't have anything in common with these people, nothing to talk about with them, and I always end up just sitting in a room by myself watching a movie or something being quiet, or being embarrassed by some shit my mother would say about me to everyone making me seem even more pathetic which is more reason why I hate her ass and hate going near her or anywhere she is. God I just hate all of this, and really don't wanna go. But I want to eat... I don't know what to do. I just hate these family events. :lone: GOOD LORD I just don't want to do this! I hate it so so much.