To anybody out there who might possibly stumble across this post, I thank you for stopping by.
To all of you who have totally blown me away sending me birthday messages, I am humbled to my core. I never remember peoples birthdays and I always let them slip by, not because I don’t care but because I’m crap.
My journey since joining this site has been reflective, touching, painful, meaningful and has given me hope.
Finding myself on the threshold of the end of my world in Jan 2024 I entered therapy which explained to me elements of my life and how I had reached the place I was in. The effects of matrimonial narcissistic abuse and spousal betrayal ripped through me to my core. It totally took me to the edge of choice over which I hovered for an unhealthily long time.
Being in the UK I was lucky enough to allow myself the self protection of internalised thought, practiced self enforced isolationism and received support from the medical world. Not just medication but regular support from a mental health team dedicated to help people like me. I was filtered through a system with care and dignity. Under the guidance of a lady called Jo and her colleagues, she pulled me back from the brink. Not just the brink but I had one foot dangling over the edge just willing myself to topple in an attempt to end my pain, my shame, my guilt, my failure, my stupidity and my ignorance. Others also helped but without this lady I would not be hear to write these words. I am forever indebted to this lady, she’ll probably never know it
I have spoken with so many of you on this www. over the last 23 months. This has always been a safe and supportive place.
I was blessed to find you all.
Possibly nagged, definitely encouraged I eventually found courage (or desperation) to enrol myself of something called Recovery College. Take a look if you are UK based. It has offered me opportunities to investigate, ruminate and take stock of many subjects surrounding my particular fields of weakness and fragility. The main thing I have drawn from these course is an awareness of tools to help me live with my experiences and to prevent myself from giving up. I see them as stepping stones of grounding and the possibility of hope. Yes, today is my birthday. I finished my last mental health recovery zoom course for this year today. They’ve made me think, they’ve made me cry. More importantly they’ve made me realise I am not alone in the way I struggle. I will do more courses next year.
I don’t know what you face out there. I don’t know what experiences you’ve encountered. I don’t know what expectations you hold over yourself or what expectations others hold over you. And as selfish as this might sound, the only advice I can offer you isn’t even advice. I am still alive. Recovery isn’t a cure, but it is a path of self compassion leading forwards.
I guess I am one of the lucky ones. Thank you for taking time to read this. Thank YOU too for being here. I am also indebted to you all too. Don’t ever give up.
To all of you who have totally blown me away sending me birthday messages, I am humbled to my core. I never remember peoples birthdays and I always let them slip by, not because I don’t care but because I’m crap.
My journey since joining this site has been reflective, touching, painful, meaningful and has given me hope.
Finding myself on the threshold of the end of my world in Jan 2024 I entered therapy which explained to me elements of my life and how I had reached the place I was in. The effects of matrimonial narcissistic abuse and spousal betrayal ripped through me to my core. It totally took me to the edge of choice over which I hovered for an unhealthily long time.
Being in the UK I was lucky enough to allow myself the self protection of internalised thought, practiced self enforced isolationism and received support from the medical world. Not just medication but regular support from a mental health team dedicated to help people like me. I was filtered through a system with care and dignity. Under the guidance of a lady called Jo and her colleagues, she pulled me back from the brink. Not just the brink but I had one foot dangling over the edge just willing myself to topple in an attempt to end my pain, my shame, my guilt, my failure, my stupidity and my ignorance. Others also helped but without this lady I would not be hear to write these words. I am forever indebted to this lady, she’ll probably never know it
I have spoken with so many of you on this www. over the last 23 months. This has always been a safe and supportive place.
I was blessed to find you all.
Possibly nagged, definitely encouraged I eventually found courage (or desperation) to enrol myself of something called Recovery College. Take a look if you are UK based. It has offered me opportunities to investigate, ruminate and take stock of many subjects surrounding my particular fields of weakness and fragility. The main thing I have drawn from these course is an awareness of tools to help me live with my experiences and to prevent myself from giving up. I see them as stepping stones of grounding and the possibility of hope. Yes, today is my birthday. I finished my last mental health recovery zoom course for this year today. They’ve made me think, they’ve made me cry. More importantly they’ve made me realise I am not alone in the way I struggle. I will do more courses next year.
I don’t know what you face out there. I don’t know what experiences you’ve encountered. I don’t know what expectations you hold over yourself or what expectations others hold over you. And as selfish as this might sound, the only advice I can offer you isn’t even advice. I am still alive. Recovery isn’t a cure, but it is a path of self compassion leading forwards.
I guess I am one of the lucky ones. Thank you for taking time to read this. Thank YOU too for being here. I am also indebted to you all too. Don’t ever give up.
