Grieving before death...

[DavidM]

My partner of 27 years found out 2 weeks ago he had a massive brain tumour (grade 4 glioblastoma): they have taken out as much as they can but impossible to remove it all: it was 'like a chocolate swirl in a chocolate swirl cake, not like a cherry in a fruit cake'...
Now he is too weak for the intensive chemo/radiotherapy which might help to slow the regrowth of the tumour; they are assessing him for possible palliative radiotherapy, but tell me that he probably only has a few months to live.
I cannot begin to describe the utter desolation and despair I am feeling. My partner is the most loving, caring man you could ever meet; he has been my rock throughout our time together. Now he cannot talk sense: the surgery/tumour have permanently affected short-term memory and I know that we will never have another conversation together, even to think about what has happened to him.
I cannot see how I will be able to continue without him; what is the point? We do not have children, and really we have been each others' closest friends throughout our years together. There is some family, but not very nearby...the thought of somehow trying to find compensations for what I am going to lose it unbearable.
I know there is nothing that can be said or done to make me feel better.
I just want to express my feelings.

 

[total eclipse]

I hear you it is so hard to watch a loved one suffer from cancer been there and the feeling of hopelessness and not being able to help
I am sorry you are going through all this.
Your partner may not be able to communicate to you as before but i can assure you he is aware of your love for him. Just holding him, being beside him will bring him comfort and strength knowing he is not alone in this battle. Many times doctors have said a person will not survive but then they do their inner strength comes through and they do fight and win. Don't give up hope yet for your partner ok be beside him hold his hand and listen to him that is all he needs right now is you being there. hugs to you

 

[nobodyknows71]

Hi there,
I'm sorry you're in such a horrible situation. You're right, nothing anyone can say will make you feel any better, but here what we can do is make you feel less alone.
Maybe you can just use this place as your outlet for your thoughts and feelings over the next few months. Maybe start a diary in the rants section.

Keep holding his hand and telling him you love him, even if he can't say it back you know it to be true.

Keep posting

Take care

 

[Sunspots]

Hi David

I am so sorry that you and your partner have been dealt such a cruel blow. I can barely imagine how distressed you must feel.
All that matters for now is that you carry on holding his hand, telling him that you love him and reminding him of the happy times you have shared.

We're always here if you need to offload or let off some steam. Thoughts are with you both.

 

[DavidM]

Thank you all: the only only thing that will get me through this ordeal is love, friendship and kindness. I am not strong inside at all - only others can be strong for me...I have to learn to reach out and let others support and care for us both in this awful situation...