Grieving the death of my significant other.

#1
I'm not really sure what I hope to get out of this, I'm just out of options and really need help if anyone has come out the other side of a similar situation.
It's been a little over a year since I lost my fiancé to Leukemia. I can't express into words the hole that has been left in my soul, and the rage I feel every single day.
I left my entire life behind me, my job, my family and my friends to travel and explore to keep me distracted every moment of every day from the dark thoughts I think everyone here is familiar with. I thought I had to leave everything familiar behind to heal, and I hoped I would find something, or someone else worth throwing down roots for and starting over again on the other side.

But that hasn't been the case, If anything it just made my situation worse and I feel like I'm carrying a mountain down a dark tunnel with absolutely no light at the end of it, and I'm so exhausted.
 

SinisterKid

We either find a way, or make one.
SF Supporter
#2
Hi and welcome to SF.

Does mourning for your former self count? I don't know.

What springs to mind instantly after reading this is, you can run, but you cant hide. You have been through a really traumatic event and unfortunately, you need to grieve and take the time [yes, the great healer] to recover. Distraction is all well and good, in and under the right circumstances, but something like you have been through doesn't go away when you try to ignore it. Distraction is m best friend, it works so well for me, but the one thing it ignores is, the crux of the problem. It keeps me alive, after that, its useless as you have sadly found out.

Have you thought about bereavement counselling to help you through? The present course of action is not having the desired effect, so its time to look at alternatives my friend. Therapy and the combined medication helped me make a comeback. Its not all hunky dory, but its better than it was 18 months ago. So think on about that if you can and hang with the rest of us here in the meantime and get to know some of us if you like.
 

JacsMom

Staff member
Safety & Support
#3
Hi Jake. My situation is not quite the same as yours, but when you get down to it, grief is grief. I lost my only daughter. When it first happened, I was totally lost and bereft. I didn't think I would ever even smile again, let alone be happy. I realized I couldn't handle it alone and went to a psychologist. I also joined a grief site on the internet, which was amazing. For the first time, I found people who really understood how I felt. Have you had any grief counselling? Sometimes, it's just much too big for us to handle on our own. Sometimes we also need meds for a time to help us get through it. There isn't a time frame when it comes to grieving. Everyone grieves in their own time and way. It will be like a roller coaster. Sometimes it wanes and then other times you will feel like it's starting all over again. I can tell you though, a year is a drop in the bucket when it comes to losing someone that close. And you will find certain dates, like the anniversary or her birthday will always be hard. But, don't give up. You can find your way through this. I hope someday you do find another special person to be with. But it takes time. Hang in there. Don't be afraid to get some help and lean on your family and friends to help you, too.
 

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