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Guilty

lightning05

Well-Known Member
#1
My dad just told us that his mom is not doing well and he is thinking she may not live much longer. I do not have the best relationship with either set of my grandparents for various reasons. This is really hard for me to write because I feel like an asshole but... I don't feel as sad as I should about hearing she is not doing well. I kind of don't feel anything at all, as though this is a far distant relative. Don't get me wrong, I don't wish her any ill will and never did. I have to say my grandma was in our life the most out of all grandparents (my grandpa, her husband died when I was 14) but she never accepted my mom and could be rude to her and made up lies about her to paint her as weak and not good enough (IMO). I used to think she just talked a lot of shit but now that I am older I realize that my grandma probably had a mental illness but was probably too proud and skeptical of doctors to get diagnosed. She never really made sense when talking and she would always confuse me for my brother on the phone. I haven't spoken to her in maybe 5 years and I haven't seen in her maybe 10.

Anyway I'm sad because I'm not sad and I feel guilty about it. Recently we lost 2 close family friends and I'm still completely broken up about it. A lot of my friends were close with their grandparents and were devastated when they died and I remember thinking "I wonder if I will even cry when mine do". I think I know the answer now.
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#3
Family relationships are complicated and not one size fits all. It's okay that you are not sad to hear about your grandmother. You can't control the way you feel. It's completely understandable to be more upset about people you feel close with.
 

WildCherry

Owner Emeritus
#5
How you feel is OK. When my grandfather, my dad's father, passed away... I didn't feel much of anything. I didn't want him to suffer or die. But he hadn't been a nice person for many years. There was no closeness, no connection, and so I pretty much felt nothing when he died.
 

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