Handing my life over!!!

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by butterflies32, Jun 28, 2008.

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  1. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member

    Heya,

    I feel really bad coz I do not often post on this part of the forum so I wouldn't be surprised if you do not reply.

    I feel like handing my life over to my ED. I have no strength to fight it any more. I will never been thing enough and I am so tired. I have been refered to an ED clinic but whether that is IP or not is something else. I just cannot do this by myself. The more I go with out help the harder it is to fight and the stronger the urge to give in. The stronger the ED becomes. I do not think that I will ever be free.

    How do I carry on?

    Sam
    x
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 28, 2008
  2. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    At this point sam, I'd just hang in there and try and maintain whatever you're doing and try and not slip downhill too much. Maintaining, just means------ (I don't know what I mean, but I think you get the idea. I do know that when you're at the stage you're in, it's very difficult to maintain anything)

    If you are seen at that ED clinic (I can remember you telling me it has a good reputation) they'd better do something soon- I do hope they take some action.

    I know what you mean the more you go without help, the more the ED takes over. That summed up what I was going through for a couple of months and it had taken over 100%.

    I want to warn you that when you do get assessed, be prepared for them- they might make you feel a bit anxious and scared and might not seem like much help initially, but if you get at least outpatient appointments- that kind of support sounds like they'd help- and most of all they should, they should monitor you physically, at least. If they don't- insist you want regular blood tests ECG etc.

    Even though you say that you're handing your life over- when i read your post I do hear there's a strong part of you that doesn't want this, that is screaming for help and will take any help given....I just want to encourage this part of you to keep reaching out, to anyone...and keep asking for the help you so desperately need at the moment.

    I do remember reading about the complexity of your emotional problems which I can relate to. When it comes to mental health again- I've found this was the key area to get myself back to some state of stability- that kind of emotional support is just vital when you're so ill and struggling.

    I sincerely hope that this ED clinic will take care of you. Please let us know what happens.
     
    Last edited: Jun 28, 2008
  3. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member

    Thanks ggg, I have and am still waiting for this ED unit to get back to me with an appointment.

    Maintain what I am doing...what is that exactly to keep cutting down on my food and to keep taking and increasing the laxative use. This is what I mean about handing it all over. I just cannot control it anymore because I don't know how.

    I am just tired of it all.

    Sam

    xxx
     
  4. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    you know what i'd insist on them seeing you as an emergency. or go to your gp and say you want something ASAP (them to get on the ED's units case).

    do you think you're at a crisis stage? mentally, physically, both?
     
  5. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member

    I do not know what constitutes to crisis stage but then I could get myself down to 6st 7 and still think that I was not in crisis stage and did not need immediate help. (haven't got to this weight yet though...this is just an example although it is a goal weight to which I still will prob see myself fat. I am 3st away from it)

    My doctor asked for an urgent referal and that was 3 1/2 weeks ago. 4 weeks on wednesday. I am hoping a letter for an appointment to see them comes soon because I really do not know what to do or how to help myself anymore.

    I am completely addicted to what I am doing. The sense of control that was once amazing feeling is now something that has become a must to stay alive and yet my way of control with food I know will eventually kill me. Maybe not with in this year but by the end of next then yes. I am not sure if I want to die this way.

    Sam
    xxx
     
  6. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    crisis stage generally means- when you can't cope. when you feel like it's taken over. when you feel there's no way out.
    when you feel exhausted and your life is completely incapacitated by your behaviours you can't stop. when you feel completely out of control. it doesn't have to do with weight- although some ED places GPs etc, might put too much importance on that.
    -
    a medical crisis would be things that show up in blood tests and ECG and bone scans.

    did your doctor carry out any blood tests 4 weeks ago? or told you to come in for regular bloods in the last 4 weeks?

    as for laxatives- there's risks of dehydration and being incontinent if you continue. maybe you know these risks but i'm letting you know anyway. i'd be really worried about your electrolytes seeing you are not only restricting but using laxatives too.

    keep yourself hydrated- water, juice, if you feel eating is difficult. laxatives will dehydrate you.

    what helped me when i was where you are was looking up risks and death and complications from anorexia and informing myself clearly of what i was doing to my body. the psychologist also did this too and it scared me a lot- and it helped me to stop slipping too fast downward.

    perhaps it's a good idea to chase up that 'urgent' referral through the GP and ask them for some blood tests done soon?
    my urgent referral was done in 2 weeks- i was surprised.
     
  7. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member

    Heya yeah my referal was replied to within 2 weeks but they had handed me to another team without seeing me. It is policy or something.

    It has taking over, and I cannot cope with what I am doing to myself. Mentally in crisis you could say. Physically I am not. I had bloods taken and they had come back completely fine. Nothing wrong at all. Everything is in working order. even my electrolytes are fine. :huh: The only thing that is not right is my protein levels...they are really low...but this is because I am a vegitarian. So it is not really something that I can do. lol.

    I have done research to let myself know what I was letting myself in for espec with the laxatives, but it has not made me stop. Infact it has not made me scared at all. I feel like I am immune to all that can happen that nothing will ever go wrong with my body no matter what I do to it and believe me I have done a hell of a lot to it.

    I know what I am doing and the effects but it doesn't seem to bother me. Does this meant that I am not ready for help at all in this area of my life?

    Sam
    x
     
  8. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest




    No it doesn't necessarily mean that. Perhaps your feelings of indifference/wanting to take huge risks is because perhaps you're feeling quite shut down and numb because of the cycle you're in. :hug:

    I dunno, that handing over you to another team without seeing you sounds a bit off. Maybe get the GP to chase it up and see what's going on.

    If you're mentally in crisis then it's best to see a psychiatrist soon or tell your GP that you mentally cannot cope at the moment and see what he/she suggests.

    xx
     
  9. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member

    Thanks. I do feel numb. I have a psychiatrist up in scotland but I do not like her she is not much use really. lol. And I am not allowed to talk to her when I am at home. I am at uni in scotland. Studying Psychology. Makes me wonder how I got here. at the same time it was the course that made me realise something was wrong.

    No it is something about having to get refered to one plae because cannot be directly refered to the other place. My GP would have refered me to the second place if she was allowed to. Do not really get it. but at the same time it makes sense.

    I think she knows that I cannot cope because when I last saw her she said that I looked like I wasn't coping and wondered why. She knows me too well. She knows all my problems since the age of 14

    Sam
    xxx
     
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