Hate days off...

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by SaraRose, Nov 1, 2012.

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  1. SaraRose

    SaraRose Well-Known Member

    I hate work, because the stress there tears me apart and most people tend to hate me or try to get me in trouble with the bosses so it's a constant fight that leaves my self confidence lacking severely. But I've noticed that when I'm home on my days off- even if I do a lot of stuff I'm always so freaking depressed. Even if I go out. It's when I realize that I have NO friends here. All I do is stuff alone. I go shopping alone, watch tv alone, eat alone.

    I realize that since I don't hafta fake the happiness- like at work- so I just don't. Days like these my thoughts go more with ending it all. I just sit and cry for hours on my days off. I can't stand it but at the same time I don't wanna go to work everyday.

    I just want to pull my hair out. I can't stand this anymore. The sadness, lonliness, unable to tell my family about it, I can't stand this I really can't. All I can do is sit and cry and try to find stuff to do. Then I feel guilty the next day when I hafta go to work that I sat around doing nothing except crying.

    Days like these I wanna run away from here. One day I actually packed up a bag and went to grab my cats to leave; the only thing that kept me here was I couldn't find one of my two cats and I refuse to leave them. I just want to run- no idea where- but in my mind there's someplace out there where I can be happy but I just don't know where.

    I'm scared that one day cats won't be the reason to stop me from running or dying. All because I had a day off work and was stuck alone in life.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Do something that will connect you with people with your same interest. take art class take dance or acting class take a cours that you have always been interested in but do something that will connect you with people Volunteer ok hugs
     
  3. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean. I hate down time. Having no-thing to do. It's as though I am without purpose. I go to the coffee shop all by my self whenever I'm off work. I don't even know what I'd do if I had some-body to go with? Choke on the happiness? I think it's the loneliness that's the worst... that feeling of alienation... I wish I had some noteworthy advice - try not to worry too much, because that only makes matters worse. Why can't you talk to your family? They won't understand? Be too judgmental? Forget what your coworkers think & do about you, all that matters is how you feel about your work. Are you doing a good job? Who cares about them, then! :)
     
  4. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    Yes, I understand this feeling. It is frustrating. Feel tired and burned out on work but know that taking time off will be equally taxing. Feel that there is no way to rest and feel trapped in this horrible loop. For me it isn't about loneliness so much as it is the lack of distraction from OCD. At work my mind is occupied, routine keeps me stable mostly. Not so on holiday.

    hope for better tomorrow.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 3, 2012
  5. SaraRose

    SaraRose Well-Known Member

    Yes this exactly! Just the feelings it brings. I mean I've never been part of a big group. The most friends I've had at one time was like 3 so really I've never been around like a lot of friends or people together. But still just the loneliness, the thoughts of- no one in your family, friends, work buddies, or anyone wants to talk to you today just brings out such an alienation feeling. Then it just spirals until I'm left curled up in the corner crying.

    I really don't know of any hobbies...can't sing, draw, dance...really have no coordination for any of that stuff or talent. I tried church a couple times- even went at a different time then my family then a different church as them to see if I could branch out, but that never worked out too well because everyone just kinda avoided me...
     
  6. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    That very same experience happened to me with the church. I tried going to a handful of friends' churches, when they were back in town, only to ultimately be letdown. Even though they were not going to be able to go with me on a regular basis, even though the people there were nice, I never ever felt comfortable being there, in everyone's presence. I can't explain it, it's not like I was unwelcome, or unwanted, I just didn't feel like I was accepted as one of them.

    But enough about me!

    Do you have any interests that you might follow that could lead you to some group work in the community? Maybe if you take a look in the local ads, you could find something that sounds exciting...
     
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