hate life because depressed or depressed because hate life?

[AnneK]

I don't know if I hate my life because I'm depressed or if I'm depressed because I hate my life.
I would like to make some lifestyle changes, but I am not sure how to pinpoint the problem.
I find myself frequently thinking suicidal thoughts. I have also gotten a lot more morbid, which has resulted in a lot of awkward social situations because of my extremely inappropriate comments. This is why I generally try to avoid social activities because I just end up feeling worse afterward. However, distancing myself from people isn't really helping either. I have tried to stop being so morbid, but it is hard to control what I am thinking so the only thing I can do is stay quiet.
I do not think I am at the point of committing suicide, but my depression is affecting my productivity, my concentration, and my health. All I think about every day is how much I hate myself.
I have not sought professional help because I don't want my family to find out. I brought up the subject once, and they teased me for it instead. It does not help that they occasionally bring it up in front of others in order to embarrass me. They think only ridiculous and overly-dramatic people suffer from depression.
Any advice?

 

[Sadeyes]

I think it is best to not label how one feels and instead seek help...your parents' resistence to getting you help might be something worth working on...you know them best...so have a strategy how to approach them again

 

[Chargette]

I still ask myself which came first, the hatred of life, or depression. I still can't tell and I've been asking myself for over 20 years now.

Please go to your doctor. Also, tell your doctor that your family has teased you for this. This has to be addressed because you don't have to suffer needlessly from the fear of what others may or may not do.

Come to this forum whenever you need to. You are not alone in your struggle.

As hard as some moments can be, there are still good times to be had.

:hug:

 

[musicalpsycho]

Yeah, my parents just laughed about it when I suggested that I was feeling the same way and seemed to think that it was ridiculous. Maybe they were in denial or just hoping that this was a phase I don't know. But after a few weeks of battling the temptation of suicide (to prove my point to them) I decided screw them, if they won't help me, I'll help myself. So I saw my GP and he referred me to a psycho-therapist and now more than a year on, I'm still here. See your doctor because not only will you be taking a positive step to deal with your feelings, you'll be proving to your parents just how serious you are. Don't cut yourself off from people if you can help it because isolation can contribute to depression. I learnt that the hard way, being in mostly solitude for 2 years is not pleasant even at the best of times. I struggle with the risks of being sociable but ultimately, if you act with consideration, more often than not it will have been worth the effort.

 

[Joshua2803]

Don't isolate yourself try to go out of your comfort zone and make friends! Are you a bible reader? At Proverbs 17:17 it says "A true companion is loving all the time,and is born for when there is distress." So if you find a true friend they will be there to help you when you go through these tough times.