Hating the days when suicide makes sense

[may71]

My dad didn't remember it, which leads me to believe my mom never told my dad

Possibly. It's also in principle possible that your dad doesn't want to own up to having known about it. I don't know him, so I can't say if that's the sort of thing he'd do.

I know on the whole, the world is a better place for my having been in it, but I'm not. My experience of my life has on the balance not been worth it. If someone could grant me the wish of having never been born, I'd take accept it.

Personally, I'd take being born just because I feel like I've been able to do some good things, but as far as being born for my own reasons, I think I'd be on the fence on that one. I don't know if benefiting the world is enough to make you want to stay.

Hugs back!

 

[foundlostsoul]

I did ask for advice from fellow trans and genderqueer and non-binary people elsewhere in this forum. In case anybody reads this and wants to give advice, support, or empathy.

Possibly. It's also in principle possible that your dad doesn't want to own up to having known about it. I don't know him, so I can't say if that's the sort of thing he'd do.

I did consider that possibility. That is the sort of thing he would do, but knowing my mom and knowing my dad, especially who they each were back then (sadly my mom did not grow and change), I do think it's more likely that she never told him. When I asked each of them, she said she didn't know if he knew, and I can't imagine how she'd not know that if they talked about it.

I do think when I asked him about it, he'd have been more likely to admit he knew but excuse his inaction because people didn't know back then. And he and I have had conversations about queer people he knew when I was a kid and he did say he hadn't heart of the word transgender (or even the word bisexual when I came out to him as "into everyone" back in the early 2000s) . I dunno. Part of me also just wants to have faith in him.

 

[Fbr27]

Suicide is an escape when we feel that there is no future for us.

But the troubling thing is that there is always a future, or rather that there is never a future, there is only things we conquer or lose or things we feel that we lost or won.