I know I am mentall ill cuz I've made some irrational decisions in my life that don't benefit me but actually hurt me. I'm always paranoid and have flashbacks from the military a lot. I hate my family too. I am not a lazy bum, I've worked all my life since I was 14 (now I am 39). I've stayed sober and drug-free all my life. last ten years I've worked like 14 hours a day for five days a week. I am just tired of working when I get no where. I ask myself this question a lot, "what's the point?". So I can breathe, eat food, and do the same predictable shit over and over and kiss people's asses so I can keep the job (believe me, I've dealt with some cruel ass people)? I don't want to be like a cow or sheep for other people. I know majority of the population is struggling, living from paycheck to paycheck. To each his own. People would say, "Oh look at all those homeless people out there, you should be grateful". Well, I am not that far from being homeless and I've talked with people who's been in and out of homelessness. It's all doom and gloom and never ends. I just wanna die already.