Heartbroken and devastated

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Joshmorey1, Aug 9, 2015.

  1. Joshmorey1

    Joshmorey1 Member

    My name is Joshua <mod edit personal details>. Today my girlfriend killed herself, <mod edit - methods> I am completely and utterly devastated. I'm overwhelmed with sadness and I have no idea how to move forward. I miss her so much and I love her more than anything else on this earth. She was going to be my wife. I have never posted to a forum before this and I don't really understand what has prompted me to do so.
     
  2. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    I am so sorry to hear of this. I wish I knew how to ease your pain and sadness, but I don't. I do know that time will help, but that is probably very hard for you to believe at this moment. But I am glad you posted here. You will find it to be a very supportive group. And by sharing your loss you may help stop other people from taking their own lives and inflicting the same kind of pain on those who love them.
     
  3. Joshmorey1

    Joshmorey1 Member

    Hello sillyoldbear thank you for your reply. I hope I can find the strength to see this through. I'm just totally broken. I hope I can help others see that they are oh so loved. I miss her so much, I do not wish to harm myself but I would be lying if I didn't say I look forward to when I can see her again. I'm going to live this life for the both of us. It hurts so much but I will carry on with all the good in my heart and share what I experienced for us when I see her again.
     
  4. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    I love your thought of living life for the both of you. It really is beautiful. And I know you will find the strength to see this through. She would want you to do exactly that; to carry on and live life to the fullest.
     
  5. Joshmorey1

    Joshmorey1 Member

    I see her in everything/everywhere. I'm not doing okay. This is too much.
     
  6. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni

    I'm sorry to hear of your loss. Hope you find strength. :hugs:
     
  7. Joshmorey1

    Joshmorey1 Member

    Thank you all for the kind words. Today was her service. I left a token we purchased together on a beautiful date in her casket... I guess I'm trying to figure out how to turn this into a strength. Each day is harder than the last. Truthfully I'm not coping too well. I think I should talk to someone.
     
  8. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    You might want to look into talking to a grief counsellor. They are trained in working with people going through a tremendous loss. But be patient with yourself. And kind to yourself. This is a very difficult time for you. It would be for anyone. Don't beat up on yourself because you are grieving. There is no magic amount of time it should take. Everyone is different. You can make it through this.
     
  9. Joshmorey1

    Joshmorey1 Member

    I just found some awful websites that help you find the easiest ways to go. The thought of ending it all crossed my mind and I'm terrified. I want to live, but what I'm living for is not the same. Right now I'm staring at the bed we would lie in every night. It's the first time I've tried to sleep in it since before the incident and I can't bring myself to lay in it. I just sit on my couch and picture in my head why she isn't here. I ate my self sick today as well, I've never done that before in my life. I literally ate until I needed to throw up...
     
  10. Joshmorey1

    Joshmorey1 Member

    Here is a little about myself. You all know my name is Josh. I am a photographer and musician. I am 20 years old and was planning on enlisting active duty in the Air Force to earn my degree and officer appointment so I could have a shot at pilot school. It's my dream to fly a fighter and Briana (fiancé) believed in me. She told me all the time that she knew I could do it. I love watching tv shows (naruto is My favorite actually) and camping, driving my car (six speed manual 350z) I have a Doberman Pinscher who is a year old that goes by the name Snoop dogg. I saved him at three days old and bottle fed him and raised him as my puppy. Briana wasn't around at the time to see him grow but as soon as we became a couple she was a major part of his life and cared tremendously for him. Now that I am home and she is gone he knows something isn't right, he keeps picking up her gloves and dropping them at my feet. He whines at the door as if expecting for her to walk in at any moment. He misses his momma.

    I played sports in high school. Football, basketball and in senior year I swam as well. I attended Uni here in my home state for a year before deciding the degree program I was in wasn't a good fit.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 17, 2015
  11. Yan12

    Yan12 Member

    Be courageous. .I know how hard it is for you..Take care of yourself
     
  12. Christopher

    Christopher Member

    my condolences. i hope you take care of yourself and don't ever blame yourself for her death thinking you could have done something. fill your mind with positive thoughts and take it one day at a time. Time heals all wounds.