"Hello Lazarus"

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Ladybugaboo, Dec 2, 2012.

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  1. Ladybugaboo

    Ladybugaboo Well-Known Member

    After close to six months of not talking to an online friend, we crossed paths in cyberspace again. I told her "The pain doesn't stem from you... but somehow your presence alone makes me want to die..." and she responded: "Hello lazarus... my presence makes you want to die??? What did I do? I missed you but I figured you were away for the best."

    It's not that she did anything to hurt me. It is because when I compare myself to her, I feel worthless. She has money, a degree, a career -- those are things I haven't been able to obtain due to financial difficulties but as every year goes by, I find life more and more meaningless... I had ambitions, dreams.. but I'm not who I used to be anymore.

    *sigh* My psychiatrist tells me that I am not severely depressed, that the only people who have everything and nothing to complain about yet still get depressed outta the blue fit that diagnosis -- apparently not me. :no: All the money in the world won't make me happy... Love? How can a misanthrope bring herself to love another human being... For us 'abnormals' it is really hard to swim against the current when you don't belong in mainstream society. And that's not even half of it..

    Man, I am getting tired just thinking about this crap... My head hurts, I'm gonna have to zone out now...
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I had this experience recently...a dear friend got remarried and has what I consider the life I want...it took a lot of work to not reject her and feel glad for her...I surely know what you are going through...I am in a wheelchair, and sometimes when I go outside and see people running (which I used to do religiously) I cry...I think this is normal, but is not the only thing we feel at the time...it hurts to not have what you want, but that does not mean that we have to reject the person because of it...it took me a while to be able to do this and I hope you can too...by doing this, we get closer to getting what we want because we can remain 'in the world' and work towards our own goals
     
  3. Ladybugaboo

    Ladybugaboo Well-Known Member

    Thank you for understanding Sadeyes. Your words truly helped me... I am sorry for your own difficulties.. :console:
     
  4. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    this is the kind of thing that drove my father over the edge - my parents both worked in the same field at the same facility (mental health - ha ha) until they divorced

    both remarried - father had 2 more children with new wife plus daughter she had from her first marriage - mother didn't have any more kids

    years later after working two jobs at the same time to take care of everyone, he found out that my mother had moved on to a better paying higher profile job and it literally drove him to drink - to the point that my brother and i felt that we needed to step in once and awhile when he got angry enough to start screaming at our stepmother

    i've had people who i actually hired move on to better jobs or promotions higher than me - i found it wasn't worth the energy to be jealous of them - they did well on their own, not to spite me

    by the way, i completely disagree with your doc's definition of depression - it is complete and utter crap and i wonder if you should consider trying a different one
     
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