After close to six months of not talking to an online friend, we crossed paths in cyberspace again. I told her "The pain doesn't stem from you... but somehow your presence alone makes me want to die..." and she responded: "Hello lazarus... my presence makes you want to die??? What did I do? I missed you but I figured you were away for the best."
It's not that she did anything to hurt me. It is because when I compare myself to her, I feel worthless. She has money, a degree, a career -- those are things I haven't been able to obtain due to financial difficulties but as every year goes by, I find life more and more meaningless... I had ambitions, dreams.. but I'm not who I used to be anymore.
*sigh* My psychiatrist tells me that I am not severely depressed, that the only people who have everything and nothing to complain about yet still get depressed outta the blue fit that diagnosis -- apparently not me. :no: All the money in the world won't make me happy... Love? How can a misanthrope bring herself to love another human being... For us 'abnormals' it is really hard to swim against the current when you don't belong in mainstream society. And that's not even half of it..
Man, I am getting tired just thinking about this crap... My head hurts, I'm gonna have to zone out now...
It's not that she did anything to hurt me. It is because when I compare myself to her, I feel worthless. She has money, a degree, a career -- those are things I haven't been able to obtain due to financial difficulties but as every year goes by, I find life more and more meaningless... I had ambitions, dreams.. but I'm not who I used to be anymore.
*sigh* My psychiatrist tells me that I am not severely depressed, that the only people who have everything and nothing to complain about yet still get depressed outta the blue fit that diagnosis -- apparently not me. :no: All the money in the world won't make me happy... Love? How can a misanthrope bring herself to love another human being... For us 'abnormals' it is really hard to swim against the current when you don't belong in mainstream society. And that's not even half of it..
Man, I am getting tired just thinking about this crap... My head hurts, I'm gonna have to zone out now...