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Hello, looking for a friend/twin. and a bit about me.

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Asdlax, Aug 17, 2017.

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  1. Asdlax

    Asdlax Inactive

    Sometimes I wonder if there's anyone out there like me at all..? I mean of course, they're probably hiding from the harsh world like I have been.. (sad laugh).

    Title says it all. Here's the thing, there's no way I am able to get to know everyone all at once, so I'm going to write some stuff about myself and if we share a lot in common, let me know and we could talk!

    I am an intense meticulous person. You have been warned.

    Qualities I value:
    Honesty, Empathy, Intelligence, Creativity, Fairness, Transparency.

    Criteria in a friend:
    the above; someone I could emotionally and intellectually connect with.
    someone that shares my taste of humour.

    - on a lifelong self improvement journey (mostly within)
    - finding someone to spend the rest of my life with
    - finding a reason good enough to keep me fighting
    - deep meaningful relationship


    - drawing
    - philosophy
    - psychology
    - nature
    - games (DIII, HoTS)
    - read comics
    - love details
    - teasing

    - childhood (to sum it up, my life has been a nightmare since day 1)
    - family
    - school
    - injuries

    - media trends
    - mindless parrots
    - injustice
    - abuse of power
    - physical contact with most people
    - my stupid mistakes, feeling dejected.

    - crime: zero
    - drugs: zero
    - cigarette: zero
    - alcohol: hahahaha never tasted.
    - swearing: once upon a time, I was so pure but then I found the internet.
    yes, I swear a lot holycow. sheep. duck. crab. sweetbabypotatoes. it's bbq time.
    - physical self harm: nope. I punish myself in other ways.
    - p-rnography: pfftt. sex-repulsed outside my subject of interest.

    Records: So clean it's suspicious? haha. Serious.


    Ever question if you're really depressed or just constantly involved with bad people and bad events?
    Because when you think of it that way, pain is a given, and grieving is only a natural process to heal.
    and perhaps you're not mentally ill, maybe the world around you is.

    For five years, I believed I was clinically depressed and misdiagnosed as bipolar2. But after reading more, I begin to doubt if I was even depressed at all. My emotions are always within reason, they don't swing out of nowhere. I don't put myself in "trouble". Meanwhile, depression and bp2 describe otherwise. Mental illness: a medical condition where chemical imbalance in the brain is present, resulting in less dopamine production. Crazy huh? I grew up thinking depression simply meant severe sadness. Hey the more you know!

    So the world beat you real hard and then you fall apart,
    You screamed as the tears kiss your cheeks,
    drop out of school, live in seclusion, insomnia, wanting to disappear.
    Next thing you know, You're the "weird one".

    Seem familiar? I'm sure most of you could relate.

    PS. My computer died mid-typing this. I was panicking.
    Thank goodness this forum is awesome, all progress retained.

    Potential friend/twin out here?
  2. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    hello and welcome back to SF :)
    Struggling along likes this.
  3. Asdlax

    Asdlax Inactive

    Hi there. Appreciate it.

    Very tired right now, can't sleep. I was legit excited for the friend hunt that day. Hoping to inspire and be inspired. But wow really, what are the chances of me finding someone just like me?

    Considering my luck with people; it's only a matter of time before I get involved with another psychopath. Also, noticed I can't edit original post. Wewt. Psychos can go under #Traumas. 'Doing my best' under #Passion. 'Wanting to die but scared of failing' could go there too. '2 dogs'... oh Soda gas was awful. Cramps. Vomitted. I knew I shouldn't touch those.

    Haaaaaaa. I need sleep.
  4. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I think you'll be able to make friends here, but they may not respond to this thread right away. The more that you post here, the more likely it is that you will be able to connect with people.
  5. HumanExMachina

    HumanExMachina Pizza Spaceman Forum Pro SF Artist SF Supporter

    Here's the thing, when we find our twin, who thinks exactly like we do, we usually can't stand being around them. There's only one me, dammit, and nobody is going to be better at being me, than meo_O
  6. Harmony2

    Harmony2 Well-Known Member SF Supporter

    My ex was the male version of me so that must be why he is my ex:eek::eek:
    HumanExMachina likes this.
  7. HumanExMachina

    HumanExMachina Pizza Spaceman Forum Pro SF Artist SF Supporter

    Very likely, lol. For me, it was a major factor in one failed relationship long ago. At the time I didn't see it, but looking back, it's pretty clear.
  8. Asdlax

    Asdlax Inactive

    Do you know how it feels to constantly be surrounded by people that are nothing like you at all? When you are so different, too different than the mass, the loneliness is real. Every second of your life is a reminder of it. You feel like you don't belong anywhere, nobody that understands. I just want to meet someone who feels like home. The only thing differences has brought me is pain. Excitement at the start - sure, but with how it ends - no, never gonna be worth it.

    Yeah, been posting. I only comment to threads I have something meaningful to say about.
  9. AlexiMarie7

    AlexiMarie7 Staff Alumni

    Welcome back.

    Not a twin, here...

    I would add sense of humour to qualities.

    Goals: Dying

    Former Goals: With your #1, I would clarify spiritually. Instead of your #2, I'd say growing my own tomatoes. Also add getting married, not a forever thing to me, also quite dislike putting this as a goal as it is so dependent on another human to be at all possible.

    Passions: None: no excitement

    Mild Interests: Only philosophy, psychology and nature of your list of passions resonate. Nature, more observing than being in per se. And the former two, in passing. Yoga and astrology (more than just your sun sign "horoscope"). Formerly: reading, writing, editing.

    Traumas: None worth mentioning or rather not atm. Not a trauma, but somewhat tragically feel as if I have cycled through much of life very rapidly, so now I feel about 3 decades older than my paper age, without having done some things, children/marriage, but feel too old in any event for either. As well as too bonkers, I suppose.

    Hates: Deception, Bullying, Injustice. Waiting in bloody vain. I have a feeling this category could get quite long so I won't think much more on it.

    P.S. Are you using twin as in relation to the concept of twin flame? Not sure if you are familiar with that term, if you're not, I would suggest running away from it. ‍♀️
  10. Brittless

    Brittless Well-Known Member

    I like that. I'm going to save it. Good luck.
    drinty, Cody0991 and AlexiMarie7 like this.
  11. HumanExMachina

    HumanExMachina Pizza Spaceman Forum Pro SF Artist SF Supporter

    A better question would be, have I ever known anything else? Answer: most of the time, uh...no.
    Yes, but the deliciousness of a unique life is also very real. Let them all struggle to be exactly the same as one another, but we have a much bigger and more rewarding challenge: being real, being ourselves.
    What for most people is 'loneliness', for me is peace, stillness, truth. I can't offer the usual advice to people who feel lonely, because the times in my life when I've been the least depressed are when I've been alone.
    Ahhh...if only;)
    Again, I don't know any other way to be. I'm here. Everyone else is over there. That's just one of the basics of existence for me, like gravity, and the sun rising.
    I hope you do and that you find happiness in that. But in my experience, home aint all it's cracked up to be.
    Everything ends the same, doesn't matter how it begins.
  12. Asdlax

    Asdlax Inactive

    @Alexi Lol. ------ *when you want to die but too scared of failing and end up in a more miserable state* death --> unrealistic goal for me. and nope I don't know what a twinflame is.

    @Brittless thanks!

    @HumanExMachina Um I'm not sure how to take your comments?
    oh , Loneliness and the state of being alone is not the same. I am able to enjoy my time alone but I don't enjoy feeling lonely.
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2017
  13. HumanExMachina

    HumanExMachina Pizza Spaceman Forum Pro SF Artist SF Supporter

    Welcome to the club, it has a very illustrious membership:)
  14. HumanExMachina

    HumanExMachina Pizza Spaceman Forum Pro SF Artist SF Supporter

    For you, what is 'loneliness'? What does it mean?
  15. Asdlax

    Asdlax Inactive

    It's when you feel so small. Forgotten. Insignificant. Invisible. Otherwise yearning for something you're convinced does not exist. and what's happening is the opposite of how you imagine it to be.
  16. HumanExMachina

    HumanExMachina Pizza Spaceman Forum Pro SF Artist SF Supporter

    What is so terrible about being small? Or forgotten? Or insignificant and invisible? I'm not asking because I want to be a wiseguy, I've really never understood those feelings.
    If it doesn't exist and isn't real, where's the sense in yearning for it?
    What's happening, and what we imagine, are two completely separate and distinct things. What's happening in the world is outside of our control, but there are no limits to what we can imagine. Inside, within our selves, there's another universe.
  17. Asdlax

    Asdlax Inactive

    Dude you sound like a troll, otherwise a terrible psychopath or a very very curious person who took a disturbing approach.

    I'm not going to teach you emotions. Just because you don't feel it, doesn't mean it's not there or not terrible. People love and wants to be loved(acceptance). It's likely you don't feel that if you cannot understand the concept of loneliness.

    "- does not exist (for you)". as in Happiness is real. But it's not happening to everyone.

    Don't know where you're going with time and space... much irrelevance.
  18. Asdlax

    Asdlax Inactive

    --------------------------- /thread closed --------------------------------

    Please do not reply pass this line. Feel free to contact me via PM.
  19. Kira

    Kira SF Gelfling Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Here @Asdlax - I'll lock it for you :)
    Asdlax likes this.
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