Discussion in 'Welcome' started by ManWithoutAName, Sep 2, 2012.

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  1. Hello everyone, just checking in. I'm Ace (short for Alexander), 27 year old male, number cruncher by profession, late night rockstar, biker, and admitted geek. I've had thoughts for quite some time, but have never acted on them. As of late it seems more and more difficult to bear with, and I fear I'm wearing thin.

    It seems everything is just crashing down on me. I was always a bully magnet in school. My family moved around a lot, so I was always the new guy, and I'm short for my age. This lasted up through my final years of high school. I was a bit of an outcast in high school. I went to a fairly small school, maybe only 200 of us all together (9th - 12th).

    I have an odd history of sexual harassment. Two occurred in high school, the remaining at work. One of the two at high school was very much the source of my being outcast. One of the more popular guys at school cornered me and made some rather graphic confession to me, and it made me uncomfortable so I told my teacher in confidence. Somehow the rest of the school found out, and I was ridiculed.

    While working as a sales associate for an electronics store I was a magnet for similar behavior. An elderly man once tried to force himself on me, going as far as popping me on the butt when I walked past him. My boss was no help, he constantly made odd comments such as, "if your sales numbers don't improve, you'll have to kiss me," or "if your sales numbers don't improve, I'll make you do a naked booty dance in front of the store."

    It gets so frustrating. I get all of this strange attention from men, and I can't seem to get women to even look twice at me. I've only ever been in one relationship, it lasted four years, and it was emotionally abusive. I was constantly being reminded I'm not enough, and I was only holding her back.

    I'm in a slightly more positive work environment, now, but it has its moments. I work for a large company that operates across the US and Canada in the pricing department for the US division. It has its ups and downs. There are only three of us, and I often do all of the heavy lifting (by my manager's estimates 80% of the work). It gets a bit frustrating because I can't keep up, and for whatever reason our Customer Service department has decided they don't like us. Their manager is the son of the COO, and he frequently goes out of his way to humiliate us.

    I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm frustrated, I can't sleep, when I do I have horrible nightmares, I can't seem to find a woman to settle down with, I still live at home. I feel so hurt all the time.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun welcome to SF
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

  4. Thanks, eclipse and Terry (I really like the quote in your signature, by the way) : }!!
  5. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi MWAN - welcome to the forum. People can be beastly, it seems so wrong and unfair.......you sound very much like a survivor who knows deep down that bullies are always wrong and their bullying says more about them, not about you. Hoping that you will find good fellowship on the forum where we are all here to get stronger and support each other :)

    .......... Oh, I see you do have a name.... Hi Ace! :)
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 3, 2012
  6. Thanks for the welcome, Precious : }. I'm certainly glad to be among people who understand, and hope I can help add to the strength.

    (Hahaha, yeah, I lifted my name from a Zombie Ghost Train song)

  7. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    :) It is such a relief to find a place where there is genuine care and support. And to help to add to it too. God bless you -..........and, a quote from The Railway Children by 'the old gentleman' in it: "....for it is certainly possible for exceedingly good things to happen, and we live most of our lives in the hopes that they will....." :)
  8. TigerStripev2

    TigerStripev2 Account Closed

    Hi there Ace.

    I hope you find it helpful here, I certainly did.
  9. vixies77

    vixies77 Member

    It sounds like from the abusive relationship and your relationship with people in general, that you find it hard to stand up for yourself or appear confident. I'm the same way, and I understand how it's really hard to have full confidence and interact with people like you know your awesome, when you yourself doubt you are. :/ I hope that we can both make it change a little though. I find that trying to take each day one step at a time and not putting so much pressure on myself is helping for now. I'm here if you wanna talk :biggrin:
  10. Stacy32

    Stacy32 New Member

    Keep your head up Ace. Things arent always easy, but having a place to go, and people who understand helps. You have been through a lot in your short life, and I hope that things get better for you. You are a special person, and no matter what anyone else says or does, dont let them take that from you. Please take care of yourself.
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