Hello everyone, just checking in. I'm Ace (short for Alexander), 27 year old male, number cruncher by profession, late night rockstar, biker, and admitted geek. I've had thoughts for quite some time, but have never acted on them. As of late it seems more and more difficult to bear with, and I fear I'm wearing thin. It seems everything is just crashing down on me. I was always a bully magnet in school. My family moved around a lot, so I was always the new guy, and I'm short for my age. This lasted up through my final years of high school. I was a bit of an outcast in high school. I went to a fairly small school, maybe only 200 of us all together (9th - 12th). I have an odd history of sexual harassment. Two occurred in high school, the remaining at work. One of the two at high school was very much the source of my being outcast. One of the more popular guys at school cornered me and made some rather graphic confession to me, and it made me uncomfortable so I told my teacher in confidence. Somehow the rest of the school found out, and I was ridiculed. While working as a sales associate for an electronics store I was a magnet for similar behavior. An elderly man once tried to force himself on me, going as far as popping me on the butt when I walked past him. My boss was no help, he constantly made odd comments such as, "if your sales numbers don't improve, you'll have to kiss me," or "if your sales numbers don't improve, I'll make you do a naked booty dance in front of the store." It gets so frustrating. I get all of this strange attention from men, and I can't seem to get women to even look twice at me. I've only ever been in one relationship, it lasted four years, and it was emotionally abusive. I was constantly being reminded I'm not enough, and I was only holding her back. I'm in a slightly more positive work environment, now, but it has its moments. I work for a large company that operates across the US and Canada in the pricing department for the US division. It has its ups and downs. There are only three of us, and I often do all of the heavy lifting (by my manager's estimates 80% of the work). It gets a bit frustrating because I can't keep up, and for whatever reason our Customer Service department has decided they don't like us. Their manager is the son of the COO, and he frequently goes out of his way to humiliate us. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm frustrated, I can't sleep, when I do I have horrible nightmares, I can't seem to find a woman to settle down with, I still live at home. I feel so hurt all the time.