Help because I don't know

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by butterflies32, Mar 6, 2010.

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  1. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member

    Ok so I have not been completely me. I dont remember when I became so quite and feel quite as lost as I do now. When I first joined SF I used to be lively, and supportive. It didnt matter about me a long as you guys were ok. As long as I fet that I could make a difference for someone else. Now I feel like I am unable to talk to describe just how I feel. I feel like I need to stay strong for you guys...pretend to be strong so that you all can still fight. Only to find on chat i can become selfish or just not talk.

    I am really struggling with food and taking it in. I haven't binged for over a month but I am not exactly eating what I should. I have lost my smile . I am not good enough and I must be for you guys. I wish i could help you all more...I wish i could do something for all of you. I am seeing a dietician for my Wheat intolerance and I refused to be weighed by GP so that the dietician doesnt know the weight she is dealling with so if I lose the weight she wouldn't know.

    My Counsellor and I ended our sessions yesterday because of psychotherapy and in the same week i find my Psychiatrist is retiring within the next 5 months and a person i sorta rely on is away for 3 weeks getting married. So I am left with Psychotherapy. I dont know her I dont know me. I dont know how to feel eat or even just tell the ED to shut up. I dnt know if I can or if I want to.

    I dont know what I want to do anymore. Am I really ill? Do i really exist? is this really not my fault...coz something outof al this is wrong. I am just a stupid person.

    I am sorry guys... dont know how much of this Ican take or what but I just needed to say. Even this doesn't show or suggest how I really feel I dont have the words for that... can only say what I feel I can say. Jut wish all you guys were better.

    Sam
    x
     
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Being 'strong' is not about being there for someone else, it is about continuing to fight, in my eyes, which is what you are doing. There is absolutely no shame in asking for support or seeking it when you need it. In fact, you should be proud you are able to reach out to get your needs met.

    It sounds very much like your battle is very hard, and that right now you DO need to focus on yourself. You dont need to do anything for us, what you need to do is for you, and for you, you need to fight, even if right now that seems incomprehensible.

    It sounds like things are a bit up in the air and overwhelming for you right now, and that's very understandable, to be honest. It's very unsettling when you have a lot of changes in the people who you need and rely on.

    Given your intake is restricted, I'm wondering if the reason you feel as you do is because your brain is not getting the energy it needs to keep fighting, which is leading to you feeling as you do. If eating is hard, could you have nutritional drinks?

    Please keep talking
     
  3. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member

    I wish i could.. but for some reason i can't make myself. I like the weight loss and yet I hate myself for it.

    Sam
    x
     
  4. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Its an incredibly hard illness to fight for that very reason.

    Have you looked at all the things you lose by spending your life focusing about food and losing weight and such?
     
  5. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member

    Fun ids hard but I don't have much time 4 that anyway.
     
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