Help. GAD, OCD, Psychosis?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Auerbach, May 14, 2014.

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  1. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    I need help with something I am going through now. I am not sure what it even is as I am trying to identify it to get help for it. This all started a little over two months ago. From what my symptoms are it seems it could be anything from OCD, GAD, or maybe even Psychosis or something like that, or perhaps mania, though I am not sure. I came off my meds four months ago and then about two months later is when it started. I was only on meds to treat my depression, I was never in this state both before or while I was on meds, this only started after I came off my meds and has persisted for about two months now.

    It started off with anxieties and worries about things that seemed to be legit, but it was only when it went onto another thing that I knew it was no longer rational, I would obsess and worry about this constantly. And my obsession and worries would go back and forth between these two issues. It took up all of my time. I began catastrophizing everything thinking about what if and worse case scenarios. I seriously thought the these specific issues were the main problem so I spoke to a bunch of people I confined in which all told me I was fine and I should not worry about it, sometimes it helped sometimes it did not, I did research constantly about whatever was troubling me. I spent so much of my time and mind in this until recently that I am now feeling a bit better about this, I thought that now it is smooth sailing from here. But then these anxieties, obsessions and worries came back but they were also about new things, that could be related to the other things but sometimes are not. I finally figured out that my main problem was not these specific issues I worry about but the fact that I am driving myself crazy over any of this stuff.

    So now here are the symptoms. I obsess, worry, ruminate, and analyze 24/7. I think deeply and analyze obsessively over things and some of these things give me anxiety. I cannot stop myself from creating what if scenarios, catastrophizing by thinking of the worst possible outcomes and all of this is from stuff that has not happened at all nor do I have reason or proof to believe that it will happen, that is why I think it is paranoia, I freak out for something that has not happened. Even while I am at work I cannot stop thinking and obsessing over things, the whole shift I am worrying or obsessing over things. From the time I wake up until the time I go to sleep my mind is not under my control. I will think about the same things in my mind over and over again and won’t be able to stop. I pace around back and forth in my kitchen and living room talking to myself in my head and also out loud, I just walk back and forth back and forth saying the same shit over and over again, reassuring myself of things and analyzing things, and I do this for a while, but these are things I have thought about and analyzed before, I should not be doing it again, nor should I be doing it over and over again even if it is new, that is just not normal. The severity and duration of this is so bad that it is all I know all day everyday now, I get anxiety because I know that it is all I am going to be doing and I can’t make it stop, it is all intrusive, it scares me that I cannot stop it and there is no end in sight to this, I feel like it controls me, it feels like my mind is now only preoccupied with worrying or obsessing that I start to feel weird if I try and stop thinking about everything, like there is impending doom to come, as if worrying and obsessing is going to make things better, I just can’t turn my mind off. When I have stopped worrying and obsessing over one thing, my mind starts worrying and obsessing over something else that could or could not be related, it is a vicious cycle that I have tried breaking but I just cannot do it. This state that I am in also gives me a lot of anxiety because of the worries and fears that it creates, which makes me think of GAD but it is all in my head, it’s not like I have anxiety about things that I know I have to do or things that I know are going to happen like going out, going to work, things that I have to get done, no, I have anxiety because of the things on my mind, but the symptoms are anxiety like. I know that I will always be worrying or obsessing over something, the only question is, what is it going to be, it could be the same thing, or it could be something different, sometimes they are related and other times they are not.

    I feel like my mind is shutting down and I even feel like I am losing a little bit of memory just because I can’t think straight these days or remember things clearly. I worry about worrying and I obsess about both the problems and solutions but either way it is obsessing. I no longer do any of the things I used to do such as reading, watching tv or movies, or things that require a lot of concentration because I lose focus after a short time and start obsessing, worrying, analyzing, and ruminating all over again, especially when I am reading because as I read something such as an idea, concept, word, or sentence, something will always triggers me right back into the obsessing and worrying and diverts my attention away. But I am making some progress, I do try and watch tv and I am back to reading online news and a small book but it is only a little bit, my mind will go right back into the state after a while depending on how bad the trigger is, so I have to start and stop start and stop when I am doing things such as reading or watching something. Even things I enjoy like riding my bike, going to the gym, or going for walks, sometimes while I am doing this I can’t even put my mind in that present place or enjoy the moment because my mind is obsessing or worrying about something. When I talk to certain people and I enjoy the conversation then that also helps to give my mind a break for a while.

    One thing that I am not going through are compulsions, behaviors, or rituals, I don’t do anything physical so it is not OCD in that nature, it is all cognitive and mental. And the reason why I would bring up mania or psychosis is because I know this is not a normal state to be in and I know that all these concerns and worries are not that big of a deal and that I should not be obsessing and worrying about them, but that does not stop me, that is why I feel like I am losing touch with reality; psychosis, though I know that the more solid symptoms of psychosis are seeing things or hearing things that are not there and not questioning your sanity because you feel like there is nothing wrong with you and I also know that mania would be more like euphoria and having a lot of energy to do things like being more sexually active, creativity, racing thoughts, needing less sleep, socializing or talking more than usual, anything active I guess, which none of these would apply to me, but still it makes me question if this is some sort of mild mania or psychosis because of the unusual and unfamiliar state I am in or is it just OCD or GAD? In the past I was not like this at all even while being on the meds for three years I would sometimes get anxiety just like anybody or worry and obsess over things at times but never to this extent or for this long, it would always pass and not get in the way of my life, they would just be small moments that I could deal with and solve on my own, they were never a big deal and always went away. Now these things have control over me and they are driving me mad, I just don’t know what to do, I am a bit depressed again as well but it could be just from the state I am currently in. I know I need help and I know I have to talk to a therapist and possibly a doctor, but I would also want any personal experience, input, knowledge or opinions about this, I know that trying medications again are also an option for me, I just want to know what is going on and how I can approach this, as this is something totally new to me. Even thinking, writing, or talking about all of this puts my mind right back in this state of anxiety and obsessing. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
  2. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Hi Auerbach,

    From what you have described it sounds like since you stopped your meds, your mind has gone into complete overdrive. This can be a side effect of stopping medication. A few months ago, I came off my anti depressant (it was inducing mania) but once it had got out of my system I was extremely anxious, irrational and completely catastrophising everything, much like you have described in your post. I have bipolar and have suffered with both mania and psychosis and don't think your symptoms sound like either. It sounds like anxiety fuelled depression possibly caused by stopping your meds. My advice would be to go and see your doctor and seek some advice because it is possible that you may need to restart medication, and may need some sort of therapy to help with the constant anxious thoughts swirling round your head.
  3. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Great response.

  4. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    sound like you have severe anxiety disorder, I have that. If I don't take my meds I don't sleep, my brain goes on 24hh/7days a week. And when I stopped my meds, after a few months I went completely nuts, I cried every day feeling this pain in my chest of constant anxiety, so I had to go back on it. It was the worst year of my life, it took me like 2 years even still into it but way less now.

    you might have OCD or maybe phobias? You can have more than one diagnostic...I have social phobias, my generalized anxiety disorder, depression, relational trouble and avoiding personality so...
  5. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    Thanks. Do you think it could be a side effect from coming off my meds? It has been four months since I got of my meds, it should be all out of system by now, but as for what is going on right now with me I do not know. What helped you and how did you get better?

  6. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the replies everyone. I agree that I do have tons of anxieties now. But what I also know is that one of the initial issues a couple of months ago was a form of OCD called Pure-O OCD and I know I had those symptoms, but I got better with it through educating myself and talking with other people who were going through the same thing. Now even though I am no longer going through that subtype of OCD, it seems that the OCD just went and got general with things, but it may not even be OCD right now, it could be something else, besides any form of OCD comes with anxiety, OCD is an anxiety disorder and I obviously have a lot of anxiety these days, so it is very broad.

    Something is just not right in my brain, i know it and I can feel it. This all started just a few months ago ever since I came of the meds, i never was like this both before or while on the meds.

    If anyone wants to read my thread on the medication aspect of all of this, here it is
  7. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear about your story. You were off your meds for a year during that time? What exactly took you two years?

    I agree maybe i have a lot of diagnoses, I know i definitely have anxiety (social, GAD perhaps) and depression, and i think i might have OCD and I don't even know what else...

  8. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    your meds were like a barrier controlling how much anxiety you can handle, removing them and you get a flood which is why you feel like you're going crazy and stuff...happened to me and so I went right back on the meds and took me at least a year to feel a bit better...
  9. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Exactly, you have no meds in your system which is probably what is causing this anxiety. You should see a doctor and discuss this with him/her because you may need to go back on medication. When this happened to me I started on a new medication and now I am feeling much better.
  10. mulberrypie

    mulberrypie Well-Known Member

    i agree with others that have said it might be caused by going off of your meds. it's best to talk to your doctor. good luck and please keep us posted on your progress.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 17, 2014
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