HELP: getting support tomorrow morning for the first time ever

So Im officially freaking out and my head is screaming at me not to go..

I've gotten support for being suicidal and I've gotten support for me PTSD, but never for an eating disorder...
I called up yesterday and said that I might be thinking about seeking help and the lady who answered was super nice and really kind and told me not to feel awkward about it as she speaks to young ladies about this sort of stuff all the time so it wont weird her out (I kept saying I don't know how to explain what happening for me without sounding really weird).

but I just really struggle to even admit that I may have an ED... like on the phone she was asking if im concerned about ana or mia and I just couldn't say.... I said I throw up a lot I guess but I don't eat very much either... I know it really doesn't matter to 'normal' people and most people wouldn't even notice that there is a difference between those two answers, but I did.... I still cant admit it.... and if I cant admit it maybe Im not ready.....

And now the appointment is 14.5 hours away and so many things are going through my head......


* what if they send me to hospital?!?!?! I don't want to see a doctor
* should I take some (a lot) of anxiety tablets before I go and risk not being alert or risk having a panic attack
* what do I wear ( I feel soooooo fat) I want to cover up but then she will think Im even fatter, or I can wear a skirt and shirt (makes me look somewhat skinnier) but then she will be able to see how fat I really am.... IM SERIOUSLY TOO FAT TO GO TO ONE OF THESE THINGS!!!!!! THIS IS WHY I DIDNT WANT TO GO!!!!! GOING TO A PLACE FULL OF SKINNY PEOPLE AND THEN THERE IS ME
* maybe I should just not go...
*should I have some diet coke or possibly even some cereal in the morning so Im alert.... but then I might risk ending up purging......

I told everyone I had to lose a heap of weight before I could go to this place, and now im going and im at my heaviest in like a year :'(

 

Sorry I'm weeks late. How did it go?