Help me.

[Epidermouse]

Hello everyone.

I am growing closer and closer to the day I take my own life. I have no access to axxxx, so xxxxx myself is not an option. Neither is mass amounts of xxxxx. I wan't to kill myself, and not fail. If I do fail this suicide, I will be locked away forever! So I need something depressing as life itself to help me throught this. I have given up... And my thoughts are filled with nothing. I am not having a terrible life at all. I just cannot think of anything I want to do with my life. And I cannot think about consquences of my decsisions I could make for myself. Right now, I am diagnosed with Schizoprehnia and Autism. I have recieived lots of hate towards with. Theres some things I can just not explain at all to you people. There is no hope in replying to this. Because no one can help me. I will not accept hope... Only hope can help me. If that makes sence to anyone reading this. Which it will not, see why I want to die? You do not understand, I am tired of being like this. And nothing can change it... I was told I am someone I am not. By my bestest friend. How do you think that makes me feel? I am thinking of tieing a sort of... xxxx. I think of my family being descraced by this, but I honestly think> this is the only way I can get throught to everyone one, And what it's like for me to live in this world. :sigh:

 

[Epidermouse]

Right now. I am having lots of fun! "Just having some fun before I die. " LOL! I honestly, need escape! And throught death this is my only option. I have so much determination to make it in life. And it's just not working out for me! You know, I can't even pour a simple glass of orange juice without it spilling out! How the fuck am I suppose to fire a rifle in the army, when I can't even do that! Hmmmm... As I said, I am waiting for my thoughts to conquer my death. Where I cannot escape them... Meaning, when I think it is the right time. I will do it! I say again! To you people... I cannot think... I cannot think! I wish I was normal! I am so different in burns inside! I am in so much pain, I usually have un-healthy menstration cycles! Meaning, I shiver I am in so much pain!!!

 

[Epidermouse]

I just don't want to live life anymore. I can't take these feelings i have anymore. People are raping me. You don't understand what I am going throught... It's a joke. If I don't have to deal with my BODY, and my THOUGHTS anymore.. Then I will kill myself. I just need escapement. I am going to hell for suicide. And I don't care... Please, the reason I am doing this to myself. Is because, I do not want to continue living life. With my brain, my hand's... It's the only way. It's like my best is not enought, and I am have seriouse thinking problems. You wish you'd know what I did. But I can't think.. I can't think... I don't want to go on like this. Is this a joke to you, because im not laughing. Actually I am!!! Lol.... But seriously... :sparkle:

 

[Epidermouse]

Theres really no point in trying to help me. I'm just abusing this, as a way to show you. You are not in power, of kid's like us. You need to understand, and trying is not understanding... What i'm trying to say.. Is this, I cannot think, the way I am suppose too. And if I can't do that, how am I suppose to succedeed in life, thinking this way? How the fuck do I focus on what i want to do with my life, when I can't see it. Mentally, phsyically! I hope my mom cries herself to death, because of me, and my sisters... My word's don't get throught to them. My death wont even. SO theres no hope.

I am afraid. OF death... What if I end up somewhere I don't want to be??
What if... I'm punched in the face by god for committing suicide! I honestly, wan't to die! Actions speak louder than words. But I am afraid, it's not in my best interest... What if I die naturally.... What if I die by my own hand's...

 

[Epidermouse]

Is there really anything out there that'll be worth it for me?

Live you're life or die trying[/HTML][/CODE]

 

[Epidermouse]

Even as I write this to you people. I feel I have failed. At giving my message throught to you, you can't change the way I think. It's just who I am. Right now, I am just living life in my mothers house. And I am waiting for the day, I feel it is time! I need help! and quickly! I can't tell you what it's like for me. Only you can judge that. I have ADHD, which is totally different from what life is like for someone without it..... I don't know how meny times I have to say it.... I can't think about what I want to do with my life. And I cannot think of something that'll work for me. Death is looking real nice for me... I really need... To die.. And I'd rather do it with my own hand's... But what if Heaven and Hell exist! I don't know what...

Fuck it.... Death is like sleep. And I need that right now. Sleep... Sleep

Just waiting, till I actually do it! I need something long and thin! AHAHAHA

 

[sunshinesblack]

oh, wow

 

[Sadeyes]

YOU are not your diagonses and yes, there is help for both of them...you are quite clear and intellegent which I can tell from how you write...and yes, you struggle to fit in...many of us here do...you sound like a really nice person who has problems...we need really nice ppl here so please do not hurt yourself...please tell us more and let us support you...also, next time, please PM me if you would like...big hugs, J