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Practical Advice Help please | Incredibly irrational fear is ruining my life

#1
I’ve never really spoken openly about this or tried getting help, so this is quite hard to open up about as i don’t really know what to say or how to word it. I also just think its a bit silly so I’m kind of embarrassed.

But for as long as i can remember i’ve always been so horribly triggered by alcohol. To the point i want to kill myself and have considered it countless times because i want to get away from it and never hear or see anything about it again so desperately.
Seeing pictures on social media, videos, the word alcohol.. drunk.. drinking.. names of drinks, overhearing conversations about it, reading about it, the effect it has on people, seeing bottles, cans or bottle tops on the street, the smell, I cant even drink out of cans of soft drink anymore. Theres more to list but I cant think of it all off the top of my head just now.
I just go into shock really. Especially if I don’t have a good distraction at the time. My heart rate goes up, stomach drops, I feel incredibly numb all over, need to hold back tears, almost sends me into a panic attack… I’ve been thrown into fits of dissociation just from accidentally stumbling upon a photo on social media.
Perhaps severe Methyphobia?

Maybe, I cant even tell you whats caused it though. My parents never drank around the house when I was little and don’t now, I’ve never exactly touched the stuff myself, never had any bad experiences in real life… Perhaps Its due to a previous experience I had with someone I was incredibly close to online being sent to rehab for a meth addiction and multiple others, all of our arguments being over alcohol, drugs and smoking, getting into a fight about it at least once a week, her always getting into bad situations when any of those were involved and often not texting back for hours… That cant be the cause though because I was like it even before I started talking to her back in early 2017 (we haven’t spoken in a good couple of months, I wonder how she’s doing now).
I cant think of anything else that could’ve happened to make me like this - I guess the whole concept has just always upset me in some sort of way.

Admittedly I do sometimes expose myself to it to trigger myself on purpose, but not a lot. Its just nice to feel something sometimes even if its well, extremely upset. Cutting never made me feel anything, its nice.

Im also terrified its going to eventually make me break up with my boyfriend. I don’t want that getting in the way of us, I love him so much and I don’t know what I’d do or where I’d be without him. We’ve spoken about it, he said he’d only drink at parties and with family and that he’d only stick to one specific drink but obviously I still want it to be stopped completely. Thats probably a little unrealistic however and I of course don't want to be controlling or make him angry etc...

I just wish I was a kid again, I don’t want to know about any of these grown up things I just want to be little and innocent I was so much happier then. I want the only thing i worry about to be making sure I colour inside the lines not all of this its terrible :(
 
#2
Sorry that you're going through this.

It sounds like the sort of thing that a therapist might be able to help you to overcome.

Is therapy an option? Are there any other treatments that you might consider?
 
#3
Sorry that you're going through this.

It sounds like the sort of thing that a therapist might be able to help you to overcome.

Is therapy an option? Are there any other treatments that you might consider?
Sadly I don't have any access to any sort of therapy/counselling as of now but I will in the near future, I'll definitely bring it up when I do!
 
#4
I think a therapy technique like CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) can be used to treat phobias. Maybe you could try learning about CBT on your own.

A member here has recommended The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. David Burns, but it sounds like that doesn't cover phobias. There may be some other books out there that could help though.

Sadly I don't have any access to any sort of therapy/counselling as of now
Do you want to say why you don't have access? Do you know how long you'll have to wait?
 
#5
I think a therapy technique like CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) can be used to treat phobias. Maybe you could try learning about CBT on your own.

A member here has recommended The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. David Burns, but it sounds like that doesn't cover phobias. There may be some other books out there that could help though.


Do you want to say why you don't have access? Do you know how long you'll have to wait?
Just super long waiting lists thats all! Really annoying though as i have been waiting a very long time now, but i should be seeing someone in the next couple of months.
 

Dark111

SF Supporter
#6
Have you ever considered that it's possibly a projection? From my understanding of phobias, it's usually something else the person is truly afraid to confront so they project it on to something else. I remember the psychiatrist M. Scott Peck did a chapter about it in his book "People of the Lie". It involved a young woman who had a serious spider phobia, up to the point where she couldn't live independently on her own in case she needed someone to get rid of a spider. But though therapy it was really the clutching, needy, overbearing behaviour of her mother that was the problem. And because she also loved her mother, she resolved the conflict by projecting the negative aspects of her mother onto spiders. Of course that's just coming from a layperson who read a book. Waiting lists are a pain, hope you get to see a therapist soon & I wish you well.
 
#7
Have you ever considered that it's possibly a projection? From my understanding of phobias, it's usually something else the person is truly afraid to confront so they project it on to something else. I remember the psychiatrist M. Scott Peck did a chapter about it in his book "People of the Lie". It involved a young woman who had a serious spider phobia, up to the point where she couldn't live independently on her own in case she needed someone to get rid of a spider. But though therapy it was really the clutching, needy, overbearing behaviour of her mother that was the problem. And because she also loved her mother, she resolved the conflict by projecting the negative aspects of her mother onto spiders. Of course that's just coming from a layperson who read a book. Waiting lists are a pain, hope you get to see a therapist soon & I wish you well.
That does actually sound like it could probably be right, i’ll have to look into that thank you. Hopefully once i start talking to a professional i’ll be able to understand why i feel this way and why its so severe. Thanks
 

Walker

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#8
I think you could maybe start with small exposure therapy in the mean time. Maybe just looking at the word here and there to be acclimated to it. Post it somewhere until it blends in and you aren't bothered by it anymore then try another version of it. (start with "drink" then "drinking" then "alcohol" then "vodka", idk)
I hope you are able to overcome this, I imagine it would really be a pain in the ass.
 

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