I feel like I constantly post here. I know the state I live in had one of the highest suicide rates in the nation but why do I have to have connections with so many of them. Today I attended two funerals in two different cities. The most difficult one was a student of mine. Brody was only 8 years old. He was well liked by everyone. He was outgoing, intelligent, excelled in wrestling (even won titles at the International level), and was just a well rounded individual at the tender age of 8. Why? He never appeared sad or depressed, never showed any signs of depression or suicide ideation, was not bullied, suffered trauma, nothing anyone knew about. Something must have gone on but for the life of me I don't know. The second funeral was that of an older gentleman. At least I can make sense of his choices even though it still is painful for those he left behind. He suffered from a recurring cancer and did not want to have to fight that battle again. Each time opens the wound and drives the pain deeper and deeper. So, knowing how it feels to be a SOLOS (survivor of a loved ones suicide), why do I still ruminate on suicide almost daily?