In 2016-2017 I had my first relationship (romantic) and it was filled with toxicity where we both basically loved to hate each other. That ended quite swiftly though since she moved to another country (it was destined to end eventually obviously from the toxicity alone). I did really love her HARD though so it kinda fuc*ed me up to the point where I one day tempted fate by trying < mod edit - method > (basically woke up the next day feeling quite refreshed actually LOL , ironic isn't it?) Anyways, I did learn A LOT from that relationship since i t was my first one. Fast forward to more recent times, I found new woman friends which I learned to really just adore and love. I basically reminded myself to use what I was taught from my toxic relationship to ensure that these friends become keepers. So things like, always let them finish talking, encourage their ideas, listen and I mean like REALLY LISTEN to them. We had a blast for quite some time until eventually one of them was drunk and said they loved me. I thought this was funny so the next day I brought it up and she immediately denied it as she naturally is against the "I LOVE YOU" words (it's her forbidden words). Since then she started slowly but surely distancing till eventually she just disappeared. I've tried my best while not seeming pushy or spammy to rekindle our friendship but she wouldn't even read my messages or maybe she did and just chose to not respond (she disabled read receipts). I have messaged her I think 3 maybe 4 times on different occasions to no success. As for my other friend, she still had contact with me but she started acting weird as well. Taking longer and longer to respond to me ( NOTE: I never brought it up that they took long to respond with either of them, I kept it to myself since like I said, I wanted to be different to my last toxic relationship) Eventually it took her a month at a time to respond to me but she would respond in a way as if she just got the messaged that instant lol. 3/4 months of this go by and she just eventually refused to acknowledge my existence. UNTIL 2 days ago where she out her own messaged me and asked to call me today, she didn't pitch up to the call. I'm afraid that no matter what I do, people just hate me or rather thy love my company and just get bored of me and toss me aside like last years fashion trend. I really did my best to make them feel comfortable, they even told me that I'm part of the girls which speaks to the level of comfort they had with me. BUT it was all for nothing, I'm left alone once again not wanting to live alone. It's crazy because I still really care for them and I can't seem to get over it. It haunts me because I have no idea what caused this. Sorry for the long piece, I needed to get this out. Thanks for reading
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