Hi, this is my story

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Wrogar, Jan 12, 2013.

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  1. Wrogar

    Wrogar New Member

    Hi, I am an 18 year old boy from Norway. I have been bullied since I was a kid because I stutter. The other kids made fun of me of that, and the more they made fun of me, the angrier I got(Note: I had a high temper when I was a kid). So I tried to catch them so I could beat them up, but it always ended with a teacher taking me into the principal. It's funny, the teachers putted a lot of effort for making sure that I didn't catch those bullies, but they did never put any efforts to stop the bullying. It felt like everyone was against me, hated me.
    Like one time when me and some other kids played rugby, a kid planted an elbow on my throat, I falled down on the ground, could hardly breath and I cried. No one didn't care to help me or support me. The school bell rang and everybody went inside for their class, while I was laying down on the ground, crying. I think I was down on the ground for like 15-20 minutes, and not a single teacher went out to find me. When I came back to the class, it was like no one even noticed I was gone.

    Another time I got beated up really badly by one of the other kids at school, I didn't know why he did it, I didn't do anything to him. Anyway, he punched me several times in my face, and kicked me several times in my stumach and on my chest. When he was done, the other kids who was watching asked if he was OK, like if it was me who beated him up. I never felt more alone than I did that day.

    I was bullied for my stuttering since 1-7 grade.

    When I started in Junior High School, I had more control of my stutter, so the others didn't really notice it much. But my years at Junior High School was also painfull for me. The other kids said I was stupid, I had no life, called me a loser. The girls didn't like me either, I was a unpopular kid at school, and the girls was more in to the popular kids who bullied me. When I tried to talk to the girls, they told me to piss off, and yelled at me. I had no friends either on that school, my only friend I had at that time was going on another school, so I was really alone in my years at Junior High Scool.

    I haven't been bullied since Junior High School, but my pain hasn't ended. My wounds are deep, I am depressed, I am lonely. When I am supposed to be outside, meet people, have fun, I am instead sitting on my computer or watching TV. Sometimes, when I,m on facebook, I read all the statuses about all the people who are going out tonight ect. It makes me feel so lonely, I am sitting on the computer, hoping that someone would ask my to join them on a party, if I want to hang out with them and so on. But it never happens, and I am too afraid to ask them if I could hang out with them.
    I feel I have no friends I can hang out with, I don't know what to do. Sometimes, I cry in my bed. I have never had a girlfriend, I am still a virgin, I haven't even kissed a girl.

    But a couple of weeks ago, I met a girl at a christmas party. For me, she was the most cutest, beautifull, and kindest girl I had ever met! We had a nice convercation, I asked her if she wanted to hang out with me sometimes, and she said yes! I was so excited, a couple of dates later, I started to fall in love with her, I started to really wonder if she could be the one girl that I would spend the rest of my life with.
    I told her what I felt about her, and wondered if she wanted to be my girlfriend. But she broke my hearth. She said she only had friendly feelings for me, and that she didn't want to be anymore than friends.
    I was broken, I am still broken, I cry everday and night.

    I just really want to die, I want to kill myself. When I am in the kitchen,< edit mod total eclipse methods>. I just want to die!
    But I don't want to hurt my family, and I am too afraid to kill myself. So I am walking around everyday, hoping to get an hearthattack, end up in an accident. Sometimes when I,m outside, walking around, edit mod total eclipse method>
    I have never been so lonely and depressed at this point of my life as I am now, I don't know what to do, I just want to die, but the only thing that is keeping me from killing myself if my family, because I don't want to hurt them. I am crying everyday, I am even crying writing this down, oh my god I am so lonely.

    I just want to die right now...
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 12, 2013
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Sorry hun you are in so much pain hope you have someone to reach out to a therapist your doctor a teacher hun to talk to. Crying is ok hun it is a way of releasing the sadness inside I do hope also you can find different activities you can do to meet new people take a new class a sport something that will help you not isolate so much hugs
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