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HOLIDAYS

klc71

Well-Known Member
#1
Hi all. I've posted a while back about losing my mom on August 1st. Still very fresh and painful,tomorrow's 3 months to the day. I'm so not looking forward to the holidays now. I guess in time it'll get more manageable. At least I hope so.
 

may71

Well-Known Member
#2
Sorry that you lost your mom and that it's hurting so much still.

I guess you must have been very close to one another
 
#3
Holidays are always the worst. Especially, for people like us. Some choose to just forget them for awhile. All depends on the individual. But, you're correct in stating in time they do become more manageable. Do what you feel, works for you. But, don't erase them forever. Time heals. And, we all have to move forward.
 

klc71

Well-Known Member
#4
Sorry that you lost your mom and that it's hurting so much still.

I guess you must have been very close to one another
Yes, we were. My whole family is close but my mom and I were very close. I am 18 months younger than my sister, so my mom always considered me her baby!! Lol
 

klc71

Well-Known Member
#6
Holidays are always the worst. Especially, for people like us. Some choose to just forget them for awhile. All depends on the individual. But, you're correct in stating in time they do become more manageable. Do what you feel, works for you. But, don't erase them forever. Time heals. And, we all have to move forward.
Thank you. You're so right and I appreciate your comment. These will be the first holidays without her but as a family, we're gonna get through it somehow. It's gonna hurt though, so I'm already getting prepared mentally
 

Walker

Everything Zen
Staff member
ADMIN
SF Social Media
SF Supporter
#10
Holidays are very difficult. Oh boy, I remember that so well also and honestly the first set of holidays for me was a longer way away than just a few short months (so more time to adjust). I'm so sorry you are having a hard time. Anyone here who has lost someone so terribly important can understand how you're feeling. It won't ever be the same again - but you'll get to a new kind of "normal", whatever that is going to look like now, you know? I really wish you some peace.
 

1964dodge

when you help people you help yourself
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#11
the loss of a parent is never easy my heart goes out to you. as you know we are born and then we pass. the time between birth and passing is the journey, the journey is everything. if a person lives a life they feel is fulfilling family outside activities work friends volunteering etc. and they are happy with their life then it's ok. you only mourn an unfulfilled empty life, not a good one and from what you said with the love it was good. miss her love her but do not mourn her and if you can still celebrate the holidays but try to have support available to you family/friends and of course SF we are always here if you need us
 

may71

Well-Known Member
#12
My dad died just about a month ago from a hemorrhagic stroke. He was unconscious from the time I found him, through the time I was with him in the the hospital and his death.

I have some positive memories of him, but mostly what was going through my mind while I was by his bedside were flashbacks of the shouting, the violence, and of him just being a bastard.

I really didn't have any emotion about it, though I did feel like I was about to faint when the doctor said they didn't expect him to live through the night.

I didn't want to touch him while he was still alive, I could only bring myself to hold his hand after he was dead.

It was about four days later that I cried briefly while I was at work (no one else was around). Then as I was driving home I cried a little again, but this time I kept on saying "you bastard, you bastard" over and over again as I pounded on the steering wheel.

I don't even know what you'd call what I felt for him. Whatever it is that you feel for someone who your remember as Jeckle and Hyde, but mostly Hyde. And out of my immediate family, he's the one I liked the best.

I guess the hard part for me wasn't losing him, but rather wondering if things could have been different.

@klc71 , I don't envy the suffering that you are going through now. You're going through a kind of hell that comes from losing someone that you loved dearly. Maybe there's also more to why you are feeling depressed or suicidal.

I also envy the love you had. I wish that I had a father that I loved so much it would have broken my heart into a million pieces to have lost him.

Maybe having the father I did "built character" or something. It's also probably a lot easier for me now than for someone who actually was close to their parent. There's people that had worse fathers, there's people who had better. I still envy the love you had. Please forgive me if I'm being insensitive for saying that, but I do envy that love.

Maybe in time it will be possible to transform the grief you feel from losing someone that you loved so much, into gratitude for having someone in your life that you loved enough that it broke your heart to lose them. Because despite whatever pain you are going through now, the love that you had is truly something to be grateful for.

Please don't turn so great a gift into a cause to remain sad forever. Of course you will grieve, but in time, please remember how lucky you are.
 

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