Hollow anorectic

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Ladybugaboo, Dec 13, 2012.

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  1. Ladybugaboo

    Ladybugaboo Well-Known Member

    I'm malnourished and I admit now that I am ill; but I don't intend to recover anytime soon. Why do I do this? For control? To disappear?
    Oh, how I wish I could simply vanish. I remember telling an old friend (I miss dearly) that if there was a place I wanted to stay forever, it'd be inside his pocket, if only he would keep me, and his response that day was, "Interesting choice for a home" -- But now he is gone from my life. There is a blank space inside me. All I feel is pain and the gnawing hunger; yet feeling the way my bones jut out comforts me... I hope this eating disorder kills me someday.
  2. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    I'm very sorry to hear of your pain. You sound like a sweet person. I hope that you find some one else to like/love soon. And that you can, if you haven't already done so, seek help for your condition--medically (therapy & whatnot). I once knew a bright girl who struggled mightily with anorexia nervosa. And it seemed to me, although I could be completely wrong, that focusing on the food was not the primary issue. In other words, she had to learn to hate herself a little bit less, and love herself a little bit more.
  3. Ladybugaboo

    Ladybugaboo Well-Known Member

    I considered him my best friend, and there'll never be anyone else like him. He's irreplaceable. I adored him. His friendship is what saved me from the edge.. Now I'm left struggling alone in solitude... :cry:

    And I do have high self-esteem. Self-love is primary to me, I don't hate myself at all. I'm still trying to understand myself...and I'm refusing help from friends that I've pushed away because I'm afraid of what they might think of me -- whether I'll be confronted with criticism or acceptance and understanding... I've also tried seeking help at an eating disorder clinic two months ago but they wouldn't see me unless I was severely underweight. Since then, the pounds kept dropping off and here I am much skinnier than before..

    Thank you for listening.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 15, 2012
  4. maths

    maths Well-Known Member

    You sound a lot like me. I had a friend, I'd live in his pocket, too, if I could. Now he is gone. All I have is the bones. Sometimes I want to disappear completely.
  5. Ladybugaboo

    Ladybugaboo Well-Known Member

    Time will help me forget. I just have to wait then someday, I will die from this. Emotionally, I seemed to have shut down. I've isolated myself, and I stay alone inside my bone fortress. Sometimes I wonder if somebody ever genuinely valued me. When it starts to hurt, I push those thoughts away. It shouldn't matter; but it does... I suppose I'm better off without bonds.
  6. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    I am sooo sorry you feel this right now sending you billions of hugs and please stay strong x
  7. Ladybugaboo

    Ladybugaboo Well-Known Member

    Thank you. :love_heart: At least this chapter of the story had a happy ending – I was reunited with my friend and the void has been filled once again.
  8. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    remember if you ever need a freiend or shoulder to cry im always available
  9. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    what the heck does that have to do with the thread?
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