Empathy Only Honest question

[justastrangegirl]

How do you go on in life and believe you’re worthy when you’re told everyday for years that you’re not? I’ve been bullied at home and at school for years and I’m the product of a mother who had PPD and who admitted in front of me that she couldn’t even bear seeing me when I was a baby. I grew up being third best to both parents and practically just raising myself on my own. Dad was verbally and emotionally violent at times, mom is emotionally distant from me and one of my sisters (about whom she talks badly/complaints of constantly with my youngest sister, her favourite daughter). I never had a single friend and when I was close to having a group of friends outside school both my parents and my sister ruined it by making me my sister’s scapegoat for something she did using my initials, and for which the other kids’ parents were so upset they organized a parent meeting to discuss. After that I was completely ostracized. Now, at almost 28 YO I’m a loser who can’t get anything right in her life and who’s so socially and emotionally detached that can’t even be bothered to try and be social anymore. I honestly wish almost every day to be told that I have a disease and have so much time to live so all this pain, agony and loneliness can end at last.

 

[Anne Charlotte]

I was told I was not welcomed. I was told I am a burden. For many times. For a too long time so I started to internalise all of this. I lack self-worth a lot. This place here and a lot of people I met during last years told me and taught me I am more than the undeserving person, the unloved child. I found out I can make a difference to people's life. A lot of people made a difference in my life too. It is hard to believe the truth when you have a biography like yours. But you are worth it. The little things I offered others made me feel worthy. This old trauma is still with me, every day and I struggle a lot but I know that I am worthy. For my friends, on here, in real life. And for my daughter. Even for my ex-husband. It is a long way and I get lost again and again. But people pick me up again. It is the feeling of abandonment and isolation that feels worst. It is a lot of pain but it finally is worth every step.
I am so sorry you had to go through all this. But parents and siblings are not self-chosen. Friends are. Surround yourself with people who make a little difference to you. Never give up the fight of crawling back to the life-side of the coin. I love your signature. It means a lot to me. Trusting people is hard when you had to go through all this. But believe in the good within yourself and let you guide by it, spread it. Go on fighting for a life that YOU want. You are young. You have a life ahead of you. Draw your own future.

 

[MarvelFan]

"How do you go on in life and believe you’re worthy when you’re told everyday for years that you’re not?"

Since this was your first question I will try to answer that.

Your parents, family and the world can make you feel that way.

The worthy thing as far as I know is not up to anyone else, it is up to you and you alone. No one person can put true worthiness inside of you, only you can.

In the end only you can stand up for yourself really, Dont let others pain, suffering or beliefs about you drag you down.

 

[Harrow]

A family does not get to dictate your worth. But they can influence how you feel about yourself and that takes a lot of work to undo. I am 28 too and I struggle a lot with self-worth. But we can work on it, people here are the most amazing people in the world at it if you let them not a moment will go by without someone telling you how worthy and special you are. Your past is hard and it takes a lot to undo that. But we can help you because you are worthy
And talk to people here you will make friends so easily. I would love to be your friend you sound like am amazing person

 

[justastrangegirl]

A family does not get to dictate your worth. But they can influence how you feel about yourself and that takes a lot of work to undo. I am 28 too and I struggle a lot with self-worth. But we can work on it, people here are the most amazing people in the world at it if you let them not a moment will go by without someone telling you how worthy and special you are. Your past is hard and it takes a lot to undo that. But we can help you because you are worthy
And talk to people here you will make friends so easily. I would love to be your friend you sound like am amazing person

Thank you so much for your kind reply. I’ve been a member here for years now but I’m not very active. I have tried reaching out in the chat but hardly ever get a reply so I just leave. Now I’m heartbroken at the hotel lobby,changed my flight to my home country to tonight instead of Monday and I will try to rent at least a room or something before they come back, I have no intentions of living with my sisters anymore I’m afraid if I do at some point I will really kill my self.

 

[Harrow]

I sent you a personal message it is just there so you know if you need someone to talk to I am here for you. I am sorry you are going through so much

 

[DrownedFishOnFire]

@justastrangegirl

We do not choose the families we are born into however we can walk away from toxic ones. Create your own family from friends and significant other that respects you for being you. Am sorry you have to deal with this. I do come from a toxic family situation and just know over time learning that it is them that has the problem not me. I have cried enough and will not shed another tear over them anymore. Pity is what I have for them nowadays. I am now living life away from all of the negativity.

Hope it gets better for you and trust me you are not alone with toxic parents/family members.

Take Care