hopeless

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by endlessskies58, Mar 9, 2009.

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  1. endlessskies58

    endlessskies58 Well-Known Member

    i keep falling more and more and more...

    i feel as though i'm putting up a facade... i don't even know what i am anymore...

    i know what i can do to be happy... how to think and be... and if i took meds i think it would help... but i will not be dependent on a pill to make me happy... i am sick of drugs controlling society and my generation... serotonin is not a game

    and yet... i don't know what to do anymore...

    i feel as though i'm straying farther and farther away from society... i think its a good thing sometimes... it makes me a maverick... but then other times... i feel so alone... so strange and odd... too odd to live... unable to find someone to connect to.

    sometimes i think others think like me... no idea is original, especially in my generation... we are all human after all... but then i realize i think i'm alone... and worse... i look stuck up when i speak my mind or philosophies... or even worse... unheard because its too much information or too strange...

    though i know others care about me... especially my family... is it possible that i am so selfish that i don't care about moderate love?... that i desire admirable and unconditional and flamboyant love from everyone or else i feel inadequate?... that their love is worthless unless i'm admired?

    people can't give themselves away like that unless they are lovers... and that is my problem... i lack a lover now...

    he made me feel like heaven was real. i could see the future when i was with him... there were times where i simply would just question how happy i felt...

    but now he is gone and i am numb. back to where i started...

    i don't think i will ever love another. and i don't want to... i am growing to be alone... the longer i've been without him the more distant i become from the real world...

    i want to kill myself young... but i want to do something with my strangeness for society. to place a fingerprint on this planet before i go out like a true emotional artist. it is what i am...

    and it is making me love the lonliness... i am becoming more of my own person... as well as independent... so i choose what i do as well as when i die.

    the problem is... i don't know how long i can hold out... death sounds so pleasant. love is the strongest reason to live and i seem to be so dependent on romantic love alone to be happy... i am so pathetic...
     
  2. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    Sometimes alone time is better, you begin to grow true character from rock bottom. Let go of the notion that you need love to be happy and you will eventually find true happiness within yourself(sounds cheesy but very true).

    You want pure love or nothing at all, I know how that feels. You reject anything that isn't enough... like asking for the impossible.

    My advice is to just pick yourself up, make goals for yourself not for your third-person image. I used to care so much about my place in society... but the truth is nobody really fucking cares. You can be what you want, and living a confident life will attract humans. For instance, kinda irrelevent but for example, Kanye West, yes we all know we look at him as some extremely cocky person. But observe how he lives life, he is his own being, he doesn't care of his third-person image, that is what makes him likeable(not saying I am a fan of him), but to society he is ever growing because of his constant optimism. Hope that makes sense.

    Yes, we all want love so deeply more than anything once you experience it. Nothing compares. However the mindset you live in as of seperating yourself from society and maybe even snobbing it, won't help you find love. Sometimes when you lose love, and at the time when you fall in love you are still unsure of yourself, your sense of identity is lost with that love when it dies, because you base your identity on that relationship. I maybe speaking gibberish right now but I hope some sense is made of this.
     
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