How’s Your Therapy Going?

[Sunspots]

I finally had my first session of EMDR today after delaying it as I was struggling with too much stress surrounding the divorce.

Today we focused on my mums death and the guilt I felt surrounding it. The few days she spent in hospital before her death were hideously traumatic and I had a crushing feeling of guilt that if I'd called in to see her like I'd told her that I would have found her sooner and she could possibly have been saved. But I didn't call in, I was running late to go to my daughter's so decided that I needed to head straight there or I'd be stuck in rush hour traffic on the motorway.

I was really sceptical, EMDR sounded like some weird quackery. It was a very intense two hour session but bloody hell, it's really seemed to have shifted something. Yes, I still feel guilty for not calling in but my mum always made me feel guilty for not seeing her every day. But I no longer feel that her death was my fault. Nobody could have predicted that she'd have a stroke that day. I feel sad that her last few days in hospital were traumatic but I don't feel guilt about it that day in particular. She treated me horribly and I know that she'd have been angry with me that day as I had gone into town to get a new piercing which she would have hated. So it was perfectly natural that I put off seeing her knowing there was no medical need for me to see her.

I cannot even begin to understand how holding a buzzer in each hand while I talk about and feel the emotions/feelings I have around this can work. But whatever it did, it's really helped.

 

[nicktheundoer]

But whatever it did, it's really helped.

😊

 

[Gonz]

Talked about some stuff in therapy today that I usually avoid because thinking about it gets me all agitated. Trying to calm myself now. I may need a klonopin, but I don’t like taking them two days in a row.

 

[Innocent Forever]

Talked about some stuff in therapy today that I usually avoid because thinking about it gets me all agitated. Trying to calm myself now. I may need a klonopin, but I don’t like taking them two days in a row.

Sending so much love

 

[dandelions]

this song for me is good therapy:
say she she

prism

it just came on the radio so my therapy is going good!!!
🫶🎈🎈🎈❤️👽❤️🎈🎈🎈🫶

 

[Windhover]

Had to leave my theraist when I moved. Miss him. But the practices he taught me did stick with me. I'm able to ground myself sometimes during the bad turns. I don't have any meds left so this is all on me now.

It's unfortunate one has to lose the good stuff when getting away from the bad.

 

[dandelions]

my therapy is on a brief hold... just a couple weeks bc of scheduling issues. i got so much going on. i'm pretty happy with her even though she does not specialize in plurality. she's trying hard and i have to admit i'm a difficult customer. y'know, plural dissociative trans and blah blah blah!!! 🤪, but things seem to be going good in my therapy lately. so i'm keeping an open mind, staying on track and still doing the work!!! 👽

 

[Innocent Forever]

my therapy is on a brief hold... just a couple weeks bc of scheduling issues. i got so much going on. i'm pretty happy with her even though she does not specialize in plurality. she's trying hard and i have to admit i'm a difficult customer. y'know, plural dissociative trans and blah blah blah!!! 🤪, but things seem to be going good in my therapy lately. so i'm keeping an open mind, staying on track and still doing the work!!! 👽

🫶

 

[Kiwi2016]

I transitioned to 1/month and extended to 2 months last session so 1 month to go. Not really sure if ready to be done as not in "crisis situation" anymore but still feel the need for as I put it my "touchstone" as feel like am sliding backwards and/or not pushing myself to grow if that makes any sense at all(?)--- or is this a dependency issue on my part(?) and it's time for me to leave the nest as they say(?)

 

[IRE1992]

Supposed to be going every fortnight but only once last month due to disruption.
It's seems every week there's a new anxiety controlling technique to try. I think she may be switching so often because other techniques aren't working well enough. This worry's me a bit.

 

[dandelions]

The day after tomorrow I will have therapy again after two weeks. I've been feeling very frustrated that in order to have therapy that addresses my belief that I am within the scope of what is called DID, I have to actively bring it up all the time. My therapist has already indicated that if I am correct about myself, then I am not typical of those who are within the diagnosis of DID. My belief is that the DID diagnosis reflects a basic misunderstanding of what this condition - that is referred to as a disorder - actually is.

But I do intend to persevere and make my therapist understand.

Or, I wonder, would it be better to just give up having therapy. Maybe lack of adequate recognition of my self evaluation, is more harmful to me than the help, as it presently is.

 

[Innocent Forever]

I transitioned to 1/month and extended to 2 months last session so 1 month to go. Not really sure if ready to be done as not in "crisis situation" anymore but still feel the need for as I put it my "touchstone" as feel like am sliding backwards and/or not pushing myself to grow if that makes any sense at all(?)--- or is this a dependency issue on my part(?) and it's time for me to leave the nest as they say(?)

I think having it as a touchstone is pretty okay. What does your therapist say?

 

[Innocent Forever]

My therapist has already indicated that if I am correct about myself, then I am not typical of those who are within the diagnosis of DID.

In what way are you 'different'.

But I do intend to persevere and make my therapist understand

Some therapists do understand....

Good luck

 

[dandelions]

hi Inno. this is such difficult stuff. here is just a brief explanation.

In what way are you 'different'.

TRIGGER WARNING: Your typical person with DID, has alters that step up and become present to the degree that another alter who might usually be the fronting alter, is not aware of things that have occurred during that time. (I even have difficulty understanding this) I, on the other hand... better I say WE, on the other hand, are all aware of all or at least most of us generally all the time. We can all be mutually conversational.

During the time hijacker was running the "self" injurious behavior, itt would disable dan so that he was not able to defend our physical body even though he was aware of what he was doing. He wanted to stop but couldn't. When hijacker required that behavior, dan had no choice but to carry out what was required.

No one else in our system was strong enough to step up and prevent the dangerous "self" directed actions. Ironically, it was hijacker (who has evolved into a female alter from being a genderless alter, and now named Jacki), helped me, ess, find strength to become present, first just a little but now I'm fronting most of the time.

dan has moved into an emeritus role which also is unusual in DID I think. We - he and I - are like a poetic duet. He just desperately needs a rest. He had to work the hardest of us all. Escape from prison is no easy thing. We never got professional help with this. Only misdiagnosed bc professionals actually do not understand what this kind of dissociation is. It is NOT a disorder. It is a coping mechanism and a wide ranging spectrum.

The real difference between our system (we call it the dandelion system) and what DSM5 and others call DID & OSDD is that our system falls onto a different part of the dissociative spectrum from what they call DID - and what they call OSDD is just a mess of incomplete ideas and the proof that "the experts" just don't understand.

The professional mental health care community, driven by insurance companies and pharma, refuse to listen to people like me/us and maintain a closed mind on this.

The closed mindedness is probably money driven. or from shame that they actually need to listen to what the sufferers/patients of this situation are saying.

Some therapists do understand....

Good luck

I can not afford the therapists who understand. They do not participate in insurance plans.

 

[Innocent Forever]

hi Inno. this is such difficult stuff. here is just a brief explanation.
TRIGGER WARNING: Your typical person with DID, has alters that step up and become present to the degree that another alter who might usually be the fronting alter, is not aware of things that have occurred during that time. (I even have difficulty understanding this) I, on the other hand... better I say WE, on the other hand, are all aware of all or at least most of us generally all the time. We can all be mutually conversational.

During the time hijacker was running the "self" injurious behavior, itt would disable dan so that he was not able to defend our physical body even though he was aware of what he was doing. He wanted to stop but couldn't. When hijacker required that behavior, dan had no choice but to carry out what was required.

No one else in our system was strong enough to step up and prevent the dangerous "self" directed actions. Ironically, it was hijacker (who has evolved into a female alter from being a genderless alter, and now named Jacki), helped me, ess, find strength to become present, first just a little but now I'm fronting most of the time.

dan has moved into an emeritus role which also is unusual in DID I think. We - he and I - are like a poetic duet. He just desperately needs a rest. He had to work the hardest of us all. Escape from prison is no easy thing. We never got professional help with this. Only misdiagnosed bc professionals actually do not understand what this kind of dissociation is. It is NOT a disorder. It is a coping mechanism and a wide ranging spectrum.

The real difference between our system (we call it the dandelion system) and what DSM5 and others call DID & OSDD is that our system falls onto a different part of the dissociative spectrum from what they call DID - and what they call OSDD is just a mess of incomplete ideas and the proof that "the experts" just don't understand.

The professional mental health care community, driven by insurance companies and pharma, refuse to listen to people like me/us and maintain a closed mind on this.

The closed mindedness is probably money driven. or from shame that they actually need to listen to what the sufferers/patients of this situation are saying.


I can not afford the therapists who understand. They do not participate in insurance plans.

Actually I've met a lot of people who describe dissociation as you're describing it...

Sending love

 

[Kiwi2016]

I think having it as a touchstone is pretty okay. What does your therapist say?

When I see her next in January going to bring it up. And also with my psychiatrist as have been working with him over last 6-9 months or so to get off all meds and that is going well.

I am far better than I was, given in and out facility treatments last year and officially retiring. Much has changed for me for the better for which I feel quite fortunate.

I guess my worry is that am I becoming that middle aged/old woman who ruminates/tries to understand how I ended up where I did due to my upbringing/situations/decisions/ choices/actions not allowing myself to put it all in the past with self-compassion/forgiveness/understanding.

I intellectually understand that I must get on with the joys of living life to the fullest as this gift I have. Having a husband 20 years older with some health issues whom I love dearly is my primary motivator for doing this too as we missed so much due to my work etc. etc.

Why is it so hard to internalize and live this? Sorry all for the rambling rant...and perhaps this in and of itself shows that I am still a work in progress as they say who still needs a touchstone and that is ok.

 

[Astray]

I haven't been here for years, but I saw this post and thought I might share my experience.
I've just finished a 12-week course of Emotion Regulation group therapy. It's a condensed DBT skills course. I think it has helped me more than any other therapy or counselling I've had over the years. It's helped me deal with the residual pain from my last relationship and given me a sense of a future which I didn't have before. This was through the NHS though it was quite hard to access, I think you have to show you are in a pretty bad way to get referred for it.
I've attempted to end my life several times this year, largely because of the fallout of the relationship. I don't feel that way at all now. I feel pretty positive.
It's funny how you get attached to people after spending 2 hours together every week for 12 weeks. I'm really going to miss the other attendees and the facilitators.

 

[MisterBGone]

Some people think you can control the switches, or switching, @dandelion s - which isn't obviously correct~

As for myself I am my own best therapist, and yes, what a miraculous recovery we have made. . . Just kidding & totally joking (if that's allowed in this thread?)* peace_.^)->}

...[cont from first part up above] - so, I believe I think I kind of maybe know what you are saying @dandelion s in that... it is a response to a trigger, that results in a dissociation, in the form of an alter, which may be best utilized to serve a particular need, say in that given moment. All of this may(be) even have been kicked off by an underlining (or underlying) - deep-seeded/or rooted, "trauma" of some sort? Or not!

 

[Innocent Forever]

not allowing myself to put it all in the past with self-compassion/forgiveness/understanding

This is actually also something that can be worked on in therapy.
I'm curious if you've ever looked into ACA if it's something you'd relate to at all.

And also with my psychiatrist as have been working with him over last 6-9 months or so to get off all meds and that is going well.

So glad it's going well!

 

[Innocent Forever]

I haven't been here for years, but I saw this post and thought I might share my experience.
I've just finished a 12-week course of Emotion Regulation group therapy. It's a condensed DBT skills course. I think it has helped me more than any other therapy or counselling I've had over the years. It's helped me deal with the residual pain from my last relationship and given me a sense of a future which I didn't have before. This was through the NHS though it was quite hard to access, I think you have to show you are in a pretty bad way to get referred for it.
I've attempted to end my life several times this year, largely because of the fallout of the relationship. I don't feel that way at all now. I feel pretty positive.
It's funny how you get attached to people after spending 2 hours together every week for 12 weeks. I'm really going to miss the other attendees and the facilitators.

I'm so glad it helped!!!
Love, light, and sparkles ✨️