So not sure if youtube therapists count as therapy, but its all I've got right now. I have been watching this trauma therapist and have been learning so much about myself, its been pretty amazing.
For my entire adult life, I just figured there was something wrong with my brain, all the fogginess, the shitty memory, and sudden flashes of anger, I just thought it was me, I was a dumb, forgetful asshole, now I learn its mostly due to the trauma, its dissociation, emotional flashbacks, being stuck in the same flight or fight response that saved me as child, but really messes things up for me as an adult. So currently I am learning about these things and more, this particular therapist does offer things I can do to stop the effects of trauma and learn ways to cope that are more normal. It's scary though, to think of going an entire day, hour, minute without dissociation is pretty unnerving, as much as I hate it, it is all I know. That's where I am at with therapy, its going well as I do feel better after listening.