How’s Your Therapy Going?

Gonz

₲‹›Ŋʑ
Just quit therapy. That was a rough conversation because I actually liked my therapist and she was practically begging me to stay on but, for reasons that really weren't about her, the whole process wasn’t working and had become the most anxiety-provoking part of my life. But damn, it felt almost exactly like breaking up with someone whose feelings you still really care about. Like, she seemed genuinely upset and now I feel really guilty, but what was I supposed to do? Keep doing something that was making my life harder without any benefit?
 

dandelion s

RAW, well done
SF Supporter
I feel I have to put on a show for my therapist so I can't be myself.

He also subscribes to all these stereotypes. I was hoping for someone wiser but I can't switch again...
hey, just saw this. i’m wondering if you’ve told him you’re putting on a show. i find that i’m often stuck trying to appease my therapist psychiatrist etc. but i have told them that too. hmm, maybe it doesn’t make a difference. it should though!
 

Dots

Misknown Member
hey, just saw this. i’m wondering if you’ve told him you’re putting on a show. i find that i’m often stuck trying to appease my therapist psychiatrist etc. but i have told them that too. hmm, maybe it doesn’t make a difference. it should though!
Hmm. No, I haven't told him this, but I stopped putting on a show after 6-7 days without sleep. That'll do it, eh? Heh.
 

kat319

SF Supporter
But damn, it felt almost exactly like breaking up with someone whose feelings you still really care about. Like, she seemed genuinely upset and now I feel really guilty, but what was I supposed to do? Keep doing something that was making my life harder without any benefit?
Good for you for honoring yourself. *thumbsup
 

dandelion s

RAW, well done
SF Supporter
today is thursday dec 9 and yesterday i had group again. i’ll be having it again tomorrow.
they dig into my brain so much. i can’t tell you how much it hurts. but if you happen to follow the link below, there is a bit of an explanation. i do have hope that even with all the pain and seemingly uselessness in it, there is also showing that i am getting somewhere. there is something positive happening. i can and will take the necessary steps to heal. i just have so much hidden damage. its a fucking long trip - but it is worth it to keep working at it.

https://www.suicideforum.com/commun...dare-i-say-healing.138522/page-6#post-2218271
 

ridefar

Well-Known Member
today is thursday dec 9 and yesterday i had group again. i’ll be having it again tomorrow.
they dig into my brain so much. i can’t tell you how much it hurts. but if you happen to follow the link below, there is a bit of an explanation. i do have hope that even with all the pain and seemingly uselessness in it, there is also showing that i am getting somewhere. there is something positive happening. i can and will take the necessary steps to heal. i just have so much hidden damage. its a fucking long trip - but it is worth it to keep working at it.
It's good to hear that the therapy you're at works out. I think I experienced the same thing this week, that something positive was happening. Yesterday I had a first meeting with the psychologist that is preparing me for DBT. The meeting was the first of three to get a full picture of my situation before starting with therapy. Which will consist of 4 meetings per week for a course of 6 months.
It wasn't an easy meeting, emotional and exhausting. I'm not sure about if I can ever believe things will work out, in a way that I will have a resemblance of a happy life. I might not believe it, but speaking about it gave that tiny spark of that it might be possible someday. Perhaps it was sort of a relief that the psychologist listened, I felt heard. In a way that she's gonna be here in this journey to help me. This was unexpected at a first meeting. It was the thing that made me feel like at least some positive things can happen.
 

Astrid78

that's what he thinks
So not sure if youtube therapists count as therapy, but its all I've got right now. I have been watching this trauma therapist and have been learning so much about myself, its been pretty amazing.
For my entire adult life, I just figured there was something wrong with my brain, all the fogginess, the shitty memory, and sudden flashes of anger, I just thought it was me, I was a dumb, forgetful asshole, now I learn its mostly due to the trauma, its dissociation, emotional flashbacks, being stuck in the same flight or fight response that saved me as child, but really messes things up for me as an adult. So currently I am learning about these things and more, this particular therapist does offer things I can do to stop the effects of trauma and learn ways to cope that are more normal. It's scary though, to think of going an entire day, hour, minute without dissociation is pretty unnerving, as much as I hate it, it is all I know. That's where I am at with therapy, its going well as I do feel better after listening.
 

anona123

Well-Known Member
So not sure if youtube therapists count as therapy, but its all I've got right now. I have been watching this trauma therapist and have been learning so much about myself, its been pretty amazing.
For my entire adult life, I just figured there was something wrong with my brain, all the fogginess, the shitty memory, and sudden flashes of anger, I just thought it was me, I was a dumb, forgetful asshole, now I learn its mostly due to the trauma, its dissociation, emotional flashbacks, being stuck in the same flight or fight response that saved me as child, but really messes things up for me as an adult. So currently I am learning about these things and more, this particular therapist does offer things I can do to stop the effects of trauma and learn ways to cope that are more normal. It's scary though, to think of going an entire day, hour, minute without dissociation is pretty unnerving, as much as I hate it, it is all I know. That's where I am at with therapy, its going well as I do feel better after listening.
Is there a particular video you're watching about this? This sounds like me.
 

dandelion s

RAW, well done
SF Supporter
So not sure if youtube therapists count as therapy, but its all I've got right now. I have been watching this trauma therapist and have been learning so much about myself, its been pretty amazing.
For my entire adult life, I just figured there was something wrong with my brain, all the fogginess, the shitty memory, and sudden flashes of anger, I just thought it was me, I was a dumb, forgetful asshole, now I learn its mostly due to the trauma, its dissociation, emotional flashbacks, being stuck in the same flight or fight response that saved me as child, but really messes things up for me as an adult. So currently I am learning about these things and more, this particular therapist does offer things I can do to stop the effects of trauma and learn ways to cope that are more normal. It's scary though, to think of going an entire day, hour, minute without dissociation is pretty unnerving, as much as I hate it, it is all I know. That's where I am at with therapy, its going well as I do feel better after listening.
there's a strange similarity but I don't quite understand... still don't understand??? Im troubled by all the time because I have no memories of any event early on in life. and the suggestion that i’ve heard many times that it may be many little events over a long time is quite unsatisfying as well.

Astrid, I think it's quite alright to count your YouTube therapist because it sounds like very important points are being raised that resonate. and it's somehow striking a chord with me too right now, maybe because of what my therapist said to me today. to me he was actually questioning my authenticity. he suggested that I give the appearance of carefully offering tidbits and making others guess at what is going on. (i am known as being cryptic. all my life!!!). I should have been furious I think because he was sort of calling me a liar without actually saying it. But I think he might be right, - but I don't see what's going on myself. if i do offer tidbits, i think i may be offering them to me. I feel very similar to how you just described yourself. with the fogginess, no memories and flashes of anger (mostly directed at myself!) but your post here has activated something in my mind right now.

i’d love to hear more about “this particular therapist does offer things I can do to stop the effects of trauma and learn ways to cope that are more normal”. i would really love to be more normal. are you ok with sharing more about this? and is there a link to this therapist? i do need to talk to my therapist more about what he told me today, but now that covid is sending us back to Zoom instead of in person, and also the fact that this therapist is only a part of an intensive program which for me is ending in a couple weeks. They have decided that they won’t let me stay with the program for another year or even do the lesser evening program! he explained why a week ago but actually i don’t understand and now i’m thinking its because they think i’m dishonest. i can’t understand why anyone would think a self harmer like myself could be dishonest. this stuff is not dishonesty.

i wonder if i could find help from youtube that is more helpful than my intensive therapy. i do hope this yt help can continue for you. it sounds very encouraging.
 

Astrid78

that's what he thinks
there's a strange similarity but I don't quite understand... still don't understand??? Im troubled by all the time because I have no memories of any event early on in life. and the suggestion that i’ve heard many times that it may be many little events over a long time is quite unsatisfying as well.

Astrid, I think it's quite alright to count your YouTube therapist because it sounds like very important points are being raised that resonate. and it's somehow striking a chord with me too right now, maybe because of what my therapist said to me today. to me he was actually questioning my authenticity. he suggested that I give the appearance of carefully offering tidbits and making others guess at what is going on. (i am known as being cryptic. all my life!!!). I should have been furious I think because he was sort of calling me a liar without actually saying it. But I think he might be right, - but I don't see what's going on myself. if i do offer tidbits, i think i may be offering them to me. I feel very similar to how you just described yourself. with the fogginess, no memories and flashes of anger (mostly directed at myself!) but your post here has activated something in my mind right now.

i’d love to hear more about “this particular therapist does offer things I can do to stop the effects of trauma and learn ways to cope that are more normal”. i would really love to be more normal. are you ok with sharing more about this? and is there a link to this therapist? i do need to talk to my therapist more about what he told me today, but now that covid is sending us back to Zoom instead of in person, and also the fact that this therapist is only a part of an intensive program which for me is ending in a couple weeks. They have decided that they won’t let me stay with the program for another year or even do the lesser evening program! he explained why a week ago but actually i don’t understand and now i’m thinking its because they think i’m dishonest. i can’t understand why anyone would think a self harmer like myself could be dishonest. this stuff is not dishonesty.

i wonder if i could find help from youtube that is more helpful than my intensive therapy. i do hope this yt help can continue for you. it sounds very encouraging.
I haven't tried any of the helpful things she offers, to weak, however she shares links in her videos. Just do a youtube search for the crappy childhood fairy. She does discuss the why, like why it is I fly into sudden rages, its because I was forced into developing an unnatural nice personality, to stay safe as a child, it was survival that I remain as unobtrusive as possible so as not to "cause" my caretakers to abuse me. This has stayed with me as an adult, in fact that is my whole problem, all those things I had to do to survive, staying quiet, being amiable, not rocking the boat, dissociation, disregulation, all these things and more stayed with me into adulthood, and because my ptsd symptoms started In. Early. Childhood. its all normal to me, I never even knew I was dissociating, choosing abusive relationships etc until I was triggered to the extreme and a flood gate of shit opened up.
I've also discovered that traditional therapies do not help and can fact Make. Things. Worse. which makes sense, when I had all these memories come up I sought therapy and was told I "just need to talk about it" the thing with that was I would say all these terrible things, bringing them to the forefront which would make me spiral downward, causing me to go into severe dissociative states where I would say stupid shit like "i want to die" not good. What I need are ways to prevent those dissociative states before I go into them, talk therapy says to use skills, but hello? how can I think to use skills when my brain is freaking the fuck out because its still in the state of abused child?
Alot of my symptoms are similiar to BPD, which caused a lifetime of mistreatment, while some of the symptoms are similar and most with BPD also have trauma, the difference here is that my trauma stems from early childhood abuse, which is different because of the brain development. I'm going to just end this now as I feel like I'm adding to confusion, but I do encourage to all to check this crappy childhood fairy out, she's pretty down to earth, blunt, like heres your brain and this is whats wrong with it. If you do check her out, feel free to let me know what you think.
 

dandelion s

RAW, well done
SF Supporter
hey, my intensive therapy program ended yesterday. that means no more group or individual or dbt or the other. then the program for survivors of childhood sexual abuse ended over a week ago and the poetry group is changing and I won't be with them anymore either in a couple weeks. suddenly nothing!!! saying goodbye in group was sad even though during the past year attending was often nightmarish. looks like it will only be SF. I will have my former individual therapist soon hopefully as long as insurance approves.

but the major thing is that now more than ever I'm feeling the others who live inside me. I have to say it again that I don't have DID, but I do know there are at least a few other people living inside me. actually I've been lining them up for reunification. I'm getting excited to talk about. I've been very vague up to now, but I expect that in a month this will change. it is a complex thing. step by step. also, hopefully by then I'll have gotten new therapy and poetry lined up.
 

Pladw9

Active Member
Not so great. I'm never offered enough sessions from any one provider (NHS, uni, work, social prescribing service, charity, etc). Over the years, most of what I've had is that kind of person centred counselling where they are just listening, asking me over and over 'what I notice' or how I feel. It doesn't feel diagnostic or healing. It feels disinterested and ineffective. I started to worry that nothing would help. I'm at rock bottom atm but I am currently considering giving it one last shot, looking to see if I can find a type of counselling that feels like its fixing something, a more structured, psychologically altering type of therapy that requires me to work on myself and improve things, where the therapist asks me questions and gives some kind of direction to me, rather than just 50 minutes of someone listening to me cry, which feels like a waste of money (when I have had private sessions).
 
Therapy is going pretty good. I was diagnosed with breast cancer three years ago. It was in an early stage, and now I'm entirely cancer-free. But I used to take Tizanidine for pain relief. And I got addicted. I took it as a comfort, even when I didn't need it. My parents made me join https://fherehab.com/learning/tizanidine.
Meanwhile, I found out that I also struggled with PTSD. I couldn't get over the fact that I had a deathly disease. I'm still in recovery, but I feel so much better. The will to live came back, and I don't feel like I need the drugs to feel better.
 

KM76710

Kangaroo Manager
SF Pro
SF Supporter
Therapy is going pretty good. I was diagnosed with breast cancer three years ago. It was in an early stage, and now I'm entirely cancer-free. But I used to take Tizanidine for pain relief. And I got addicted. I took it as a comfort, even when I didn't need it. My parents made me join https://fherehab.com/learning/tizanidine.
Meanwhile, I found out that I also struggled with PTSD. I couldn't get over the fact that I had a deathly disease. I'm still in recovery, but I feel so much better. The will to live came back, and I don't feel like I need the drugs to feel better.
I am pleased your therapy is going well and glad that you are cancer free. Wishing you best in your recovery.
 

Lumos

Well-Known Member
My therapy is going okay right now although I still feel she sometimes doesn't understand me. Therapist has helped a lot with trauma memories, flashbacks, nightmares and how to deal with them using grounding skills and meditation. I have a few more months until we have to finish (she's a trainee and will finish her placement) so I'm preparing myself for that. I can see I have made important progress and yet a lot of the time still am extremely unhappy in my life.
 

Astrid78

that's what he thinks
It's going pretty well, that therapist i posted about isn't an actual therapist, just wanted to clear that up. I've tried the daily practice she recommends though, today was the first day and i feel better, not sure if it's placebo or if the exercises work that quickly. It's just two things, writing down fears and resentments and meditation for 20mins. meditating was very hard, hopefully this will get easier as I do it more. I'm going to really try to do this everyday.
 

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