How’s Your Therapy Going?

[dandelions]

Some people say that therapy is good for them. Some say its not effective. There are so many kinds of therapy. Individual Talk Therapy, DBT, CBT, EMDR, Somatic, Group etc and many overlaps. I’m wondering if there is some kind of concensus on what works and what doesn’t... what works well, and what does not. I wonder if everyone is equally patient with their own results. I have often been told that therapy does not work over night. There are times when it seems to me to not work over years. Then there are times when it appears to bring on remarkable changes.

I’ve been in individual talk therapy for about 7 years and for myself at the very least its provided me with someone to talk to when I otherwise would not have anyone. Maybe that is the wrong reason to see a therapist. Maybe it is the right reason. A couple weeks ago I returned to an intensive program that I had to stop a couple years ago. A major portion of the intensive therapy is Group Therapy. Two years ago - and in person at the time - I felt it was really helpful. But in the past two weeks - via Zoom - i’ve been very frustrated because it is so hard to talk. Most of the members have been working together for quite a while and I feel a bit like an outsider. I also find Zoom to be inhibiting. I have also found it very difficult to be open about my situation because my view of it has changed greatly over the past 2 years.

I am not ready to say this therapy is going ok or poorly or great or what. I think I may need a few more weeks to get a better idea.

I’m wondering if people can improve their views of their own therapy by listening to how others are viewing theirs. Maybe one has to question how things are going and why something might or might not seem right. Maybe re evaluating their therapy and possibly talking it over with the therapist will help improve things. Which of course has led me to the question:

How’s your therapy going?

 

[johnDoen]

Some people say that therapy is good for them. Some say its not effective. There are so many kinds of therapy. Individual Talk Therapy, DBT, CBT, EMDR, Somatic, Group etc and many overlaps. I’m wondering if there is some kind of concensus on what works and what doesn’t... what works well, and what does not. I wonder if everyone is equally patient with their own results. I have often been told that therapy does not work over night. There are times when it seems to me to not work over years. Then there are times when it appears to bring on remarkable changes.

I’ve been in individual talk therapy for about 7 years and for myself at the very least its provided me with someone to talk to when I otherwise would not have anyone. Maybe that is the wrong reason to see a therapist. Maybe it is the right reason. A couple weeks ago I returned to an intensive program that I had to stop a couple years ago. A major portion of the intensive therapy is Group Therapy. Two years ago - and in person at the time - I felt it was really helpful. But in the past two weeks - via Zoom - i’ve been very frustrated because it is so hard to talk. Most of the members have been working together for quite a while and I feel a bit like an outsider. I also find Zoom to be inhibiting. I have also found it very difficult to be open about my situation because my view of it has changed greatly over the past 2 years.

I am not ready to say this therapy is going ok or poorly or great or what. I think I may need a few more weeks to get a better idea.

I’m wondering if people can improve their views of their own therapy by listening to how others are viewing theirs. Maybe one has to question how things are going and why something might or might not seem right. Maybe re evaluating their therapy and possibly talking it over with the therapist will help improve things. Which of course has led me to the question:

How’s your therapy going?

The last time I've been to therapy was about 2 years ago. I have no idea what kind of therapy it was. No one paid a damn attention to see how I was freezing and extremely anxious in an small air-conditioned room, not the therapist nor my parents whom she demanded to see. I voted in 2018 and somehow I was deemed not old enough to make a decision on my own in 2019?

Every single therapy session was about the therapist asked me a bunch of yes/no questions. "Man up", she told me sometimes when I couldn't even answer properly. Thanks to her, I have a cringe almost every time someone or me mention therapy, and of course, daily suicidal thoughts and feelings, for example right now.

My therapy ended with lies, as I could not pay for any further humiliation.

What must I do for a decent therapist? How much money do you want from me for such a piece of information? I WILL PAY, because I might kill myself by next month. I cannot take it anymore. No one else cares. I put up a mask on and keep functioning, until the end, an outsider's end.

 

[Sunspots]

Weirdly, I've just finished a new therapy group today. It was the first session for me so I suppose I should give it a chance but tbh I have zero desire to go back.

Over the last three and a half years I've had weekly individual sessions and for the last two and a half years weekly group therapy. Both took a long time to settle in to. I wasn't able to trust them not to judge me and I just didn't know where to start or what needed to be talked about. But eventually (and by that I mean close to a year in each) I began to find my feet with it. The NHS funding for the group therapy was withdrawn in December so it had to finish.

My psychiatrist last week put me into a new group which I started today. I found it truly hideous on so many levels. The session was too long, it was online so difficult to get a sense of people as they were all just tiny faces on a screen, the feedback sound was horrendous which set me on edge and the first person to talk was describing being raped which caused bad flashbacks. I left the group with another hour to go. It's left me feeling a hundred times worse than I was before.

 

[Rockclimbinggirl]

I've done group therapy in the past, didn't like it at all. I am currently doing individual therapy. Sometimes sessions are on the phone and other times on Zoom. My therapy is trauma therapy and a mix of EMDR, sandtray, CBT and talk therapy.

 

[dandelions]

i’ve read these responses and am struggling with my own replies. i really do want to respond and maybe even offer ideas but i’m rapidly discovering that my present therapy is putting me into the dangerous area of being “triggered” and i’m not feeling very happy today.

and my ideas on the subject are often met with very loud silence wherever and whenever i speak up. that presently would trigger me even more.

still i firmly believe that there is a positive side to therapy and it is essential that “we” speak up (preferably as a group) to make our concerns known - in an effective and proactive way.

i’ve said it before and i’ll always keep saying it. mental healthcare is deeply rooted in the dark ages and needs to continue moving forward out of the dark and into the light - and in a way that is not lethargic as it presently is. the “mentally ill” are so easily categorized and dismissed. but speaking out proactively is essential.

we (the “mentally ill”) do have to make strides forward and in the present system there are many roadblocks but i always see glimmers of hope down the road I know we are all on.

“we” - by the way - is everyone. all human beings suffer from mental illness in one way or another during a lifetime. so many are quick to step back and say “oh no, not me” and then resort to dark ages thinking. this problem has to be met with kindness, compassion, firmness when dealing with the dangers, such that can and do so often present. but not with the strong arm of the law, punishment and revenge. compassion and understanding and the realization that we (humanity) are all in this together is the key, with the realization that if one person suffers, we all do.

wishing you all success in this struggle. maybe with today’s group therapy - (that i will be attending this afternoon), i will be taking some of my own advice and speaking up. its something that is so hard to do, but necessary. i will be in touch again later.

 

[Sunspots]

Hope you're okay ET

 

[dandelions]

Hope you're okay ET

thanks Lu. right now i feel like i’m not. i’m feeling very triggered and ready to throw up my hands and say “whats the use”. i just turned 69 and have been in therapy for almost 8 years. i’ve moved an inch forward in that time and 90% of that work was my own doing - not therapy. therapy spends too much on obeying insurance companies and laws made by politicians who do not understand what mental illness is and how to treat it.

i’m presently being confronted in a couple groups to reveal the real me! i’m on a tightrope and the crocodiles below are the kindest of the hazards waiting down there. i so wish that i can be the real me and be that person long before i die. do i have 20 more years? idk! but i know steps that can be taken - and i need help from an industry that thinks giving that help is wrong. i only know i’m right because of how little outside help i’ve gotten all my life and yet i’ve managed to stay up on the tightrope for this long.

 

[LOSTINSIGHT]

thanks Lu. right now i feel like i’m not. i’m feeling very triggered and ready to throw up my hands and say “whats the use”. i just turned 69 and have been in therapy for almost 8 years. i’ve moved an inch forward in that time and 90% of that work was my own doing - not therapy. therapy spends too much on obeying insurance companies and laws made by politicians who do not understand what mental illness is and how to treat it.

i’m presently being confronted in a couple groups to reveal the real me! i’m on a tightrope and the crocodiles below are the kindest of the hazards waiting down there. i so wish that i can be the real me and be that person long before i die. do i have 20 more years? idk! but i know steps that can be taken - and i need help from an industry that thinks giving that help is wrong. i only know i’m right because of how little outside help i’ve gotten all my life and yet i’ve managed to stay up on the tightrope for this long.

Hi ET I agree with lot you've written about therapy and insurance companies.
Who is anyone to ask someone to show the "real" you ,its highly inappropriate. I've got a friend that I met on an online forum but it took a long time of trust going back and forth,this person has trusted me with things there family doesn't know . ignore who's confronting you.
I've realised alot of therapy won't fix many of my issues .its taken years of research to understand myself .Dr Daniel fox on YouTube has helped me realise I've a genuine personality "disorder' that I'm trying to accept it .
Highly triggered myself today and I was only running errands.
Total respect .

 

[dandelions]

I've got a friend that I met on an online forum but it took a long time of trust going back and forth

i have a similar friend too. in my case its about what my family does not know about me. it does bring comfort to be able to talk to someone.

ignore who's confronting you.

as for being confronted, in this case i did not mean that that confrontation was a bad or inappropriate thing. i’m the one who allowed myself to be in this situation and now i have to come to terms with actually being open about who i really am. with this confrontation, i’m hoping to finally be able to let my family and others know the truth. my self harm is not without reason. yet the real reason has been something that has kept me from being honest and has kept the self harm in place. i still fear the truth but i’m not going to find peace with lies.

 

[LOSTINSIGHT]

Oh boy do I hear you ,,for a while a quote has been haunting me "your only as sick as your secrets " .I'm on a similar path myself in regards family .most people don't need to know my issues ,I find most people only pry for self indulgent reasons .
When I figured out my trauma, its affected my mother, she has other kids to focus on so that's good.
My siblings are more typical ,my history and circumstances all make sense. It looks like CPTSD has really messed me up .
Thanks ET ,hope it goes well for you

 

[Sunspots]

I'm sorry ET. It's bad enough having to wade your way through the actual services let alone having to deal with an insurance company on top. It's beyond frustrating when we can't access the support that we need

 

[dandelions]

I'm sorry ET. It's bad enough having to wade your way through the actual services let alone having to deal with an insurance company on top. It's beyond frustrating when we can't access the support that we need

Right now I'm wondering if I might be over accessing support. I've gotten involved with the intensive program which kind of raises my expectation for making progress and at the same time I joined another organization for survivors of childhood sexual abuse which also raises the same expectations but also may be attacking my issues head on. In a private discussion I had with one of the organization's more experienced people, she questions if I might be taking on too much at once. How can I know? I have one specific issue that for me needs immediate attention and accomplishing. At the same time I keep coming back around to the feeling that the pain I'm carrying inside is simply intolerable but if I say this in the official therapy they will just have me hospitalized. In the hospital they'll probably give me meds and do everything they can think of except for the one thing I just mentioned that I need right away, above and need more than anything. And in this group therapy session I just had they all got involved with talking about someone else. I have to wait until Friday now for maybe some talk time about my issues. And will it help ease my mind? Or trigger me all the more? I know it will not bring me closer to what I need. The psychologist who runs the group who is also my individual talk therapist had to be away for a week due to family issues. I hate his sub - an extern who I think is not very experienced. I hope I don't get myself into a spiralling situation and get myself hospitalized. The hospital this program is a part of (which I think the program is good) is the third scariest hospital I ever stayed at. I was afraid to be there. How a bad hospital could have a good program is beyond me. It is making me question even more.

Listen, I want my true needs met and they are ok with making that a very low priority while not getting there is becoming intolerable. Will they negotiate when I agree to be admitted as long as it is to a hospital I'll feel safe in? (Rhetorical question).

But this thread, I'm hoping it might work for others in discussing therapy. Not my issues. But I guess I posted it because therapy and how it works is very present in my mind.

 

[MisterBGone]

Group therapy worked for me. Individual did not. About 3 different "groups," (all made up of 'good hearted,' individuals; such as can be found on here). The therapists: I dunno? It's been a really long time --let's say "no less than~ 5!" All bascially sucked at their jobs, in my humble opinion. . ; / -but I do grade on a harsh curve (or I did back then...) // it might be different to-day? Whose to say!

 

[Lumos]

I've had a new one for a few weeks. She is not very good. She minimises things, almost blames me for bad things that happened to me and is too pushy. Thinking about telling her I don't like her and asking for someone else. The NHS is so shit though.. would I just end up with another crap one? *sigh*

 

[dandelions]

Good Evening. My therapy this week has not been going well at all. I began this program almost a month ago and my therapist - a psychologist - handled my starting in a kind of scattered way. He also runs the group therapy. This week he did not attend because he had to see his family in another state. His substitute in my opinion did not handle the group well. Only a couple people dominated and all the talk was between them and a few others - arguing much of the time. I hardly had a chance to talk at all and it was not about me but those noisy others. I think the substitute should have coordinated the sessions so others could talk about their own issues. Now when the regular psychologist returns it won't be until Wednesday due to the holiday on Monday (and it's not scheduled for Tuesday). And my individual talk therapy won't be until Friday. I've got issues that need to be addressed that I thought I'd address a couple weeks ago. It's starting to seem like a waste of time. I'm not up to having a fight in order to be heard but that might be what's necessary.

 

[dandelions]

a mix of EMDR

Hi rock climbing girl, I've tried to find EMDR therapy and have found it isn't really available for me because none who offer it take insurance. I've also could not get a clear answer on how long the therapy lasts. Some said it is a fixed number of sessions and others said that is not the case. Eventually I gave up looking, exasperated.

Wondering if you are ok with sharing how the EMDR is working for you. I still would like to give it a try especially if my present intensive program doesn't work.

 

[MisterBGone]

Hi @extraterrestrialone - Do you think, or would you find that something in the interim, whether that be online or through an app (something like that?) might help, or would help, in this instance. . . Just in order to help release, or get rid of / out of the system --some of the things which you were planning on expressing to the group, and whatnot? I'm not sure what's available these days, other than to say that there are some services at our disposal. Im' sure other s know! But, perhaps that might, "bridge the gap?" (Until your appointment middle of next week. . .) / And by the way, it sounds like you'd do a better job of leading that group than that substitute! : ) I should also note, that in my limited, yet direct experiences with these types of interactions therapy wise (grp.) that most of the time, they worked to-gether, as a team, in unison, all pulling together seeminly in one, or the same direction. Supporting one another & cheering each other on, much like we see somewhat around here some or most of the time. So, I'm sorry to hear that your interactions and experiences have not been met with the same fortune (as mine). Taek care~ mr. b!

 

[dandelions]

Hi @extraterrestrialone - Do you think, or would you find that something in the interim, whether that be online or through an app (something like that?) might help, or would help, in this instance. . . Just in order to help release, or get rid of / out of the system --some of the things which you were planning on expressing to the group, and whatnot? I'm not sure what's available these days, other than to say that there are some services at our disposal. Im' sure other s know! But, perhaps that might, "bridge the gap?" (Until your appointment middle of next week. . .) / And by the way, it sounds like you'd do a better job of leading that group than that substitute! : ) I should also note, that in my limited, yet direct experiences with these types of interactions therapy wise (grp.) that most of the time, they worked to-gether, as a team, in unison, all pulling together seeminly in one, or the same direction. Supporting one another & cheering each other on, much like we see somewhat around here some or most of the time. So, I'm sorry to hear that your interactions and experiences have not been met with the same fortune (as mine). Taek care~ mr. b!

thank you MBG! i will try to answer your question. i’m not sure - of what you are suggesting when you say online or through and app. that could as easily be SF as anything else. would i be on the right track with this assumption?

I am ineffective when it comes to attempting this though and have not yet figured out a solution. one specific issue is that one could suggest that the reason i’ve not had any good experience yet in group as well as elsewhere is because i dread speaking about myself. this is because i am not able to know and understand if what i believe about myself is truth or lie.

then i could try a site where i could talk to someone as if they/she/he, a therapist, but they tend to respond to me like a futuristic robot with a blown fuse. then i have to wait for 30 minutes before i can log back in and try again to reset my password. on the other hand, your’s is a suggestion i realize i really should take. do you have any ideas of how i might go about it?

 

[MisterBGone]

thank you MBG! i will try to answer your question. i’m not sure - of what you are suggesting when you say online or through and app. that could as easily be SF as anything else. would i be on the right track with this assumption?

I am ineffective when it comes to attempting this though and have not yet figured out a solution. one specific issue is that one could suggest that the reason i’ve not had any good experience yet in group as well as elsewhere is because i dread speaking about myself. this is because i am not able to know and understand if what i believe about myself is truth or lie.

then i could try a site where i could talk to someone as if they/she/he, a therapist, but they tend to respond to me like a futuristic robot with a blown fuse. then i have to wait for 30 minutes before i can log back in and try again to reset my password. on the other hand, your’s is a suggestion i realize i really should take. do you have any ideas of how i might go about it?

yes, except that I was referring to more advice, or "counseling" of the more "professional," in nature is all-
I think that, if there was some / any way -for you to, just let it go & forget about your troubles or concerns (you may have) with the way in which you are viewed, in these either group settings, or when with a professional--such as a "therapist,"--then that would be good! Because it would allow you to maximize your benefits from such encounters. Though I know, if you've had negative experiences before with either or the other, as has been stated here, then it is "easier said than done." I just think that, if I were you, what I would try or want to do, is not to worry so much about what others think... as that will only inhibit what I can get by being involved in the interaction(s) in the first place.

Unfortunately; my knowledge or first-hand (well, any hand - really! ) experience in this sort of thing: online / app, etc. is beyond vastly "limited," or rare. . . But maybe if you'd started a thread where you could ask, or look for suggestions from others, to see if they've got any good leads... then that might be a start? Surely there are a number of good ones out there. I've seen the ads. Just never tried/or tested any of them out. . . So, I can't in good (or bad! ) conscience; recommend any of them to you (beyond the nice Advertisements with great quotations & everything else~ that may be pleasing asthetics-wise!)

Best Wishes & Kind Regards! b.

 

[dandelions]

I think that, if

personally, i’d like to be able to continue to see my regular therapist during the time i’m attending the intensive program, however both insurance and the program itself do not allow a patient to see a therapist outside of the program. i’d have to do it secretly and pay out of pocket which would be expensive. i certainly am not breaking ties with my regular therapist. last time around that happened with devastating results. i’m keeping my regular therapist now, informed via email. as long as she is willing to acknowledge that i’m having “situations” that is helpful to me.

as for letting go and forgetting my troubles, i have tried to be truthful and precise about what is going on in a few ways. 1)incognito elsewhere - which ironically was actually illustrative of who i actually am and not the sufferer i tend to show here! 2) two people i feel comfortable calling online friends. perhaps they would be irl friends too but they live hundreds to thousands of miles away and one would likely even say it is kilometers! age difference is also a consideration to me. happily they are very supportive nonetheless, but it does not eliminate the worst problem of all... pausing a moment. the “ways” i just mentioned appears to be 2 and not a few but the friends in #2 are both fairly different so perhaps 2a and 2b.

then ... the worst problem of all is realizing that i am now older than i’ve ever been before and that trend does not seem to be changing in the slightest. in fact, there is a hint that it is accelerating.

my vision of the life i want is of the real me just starting out or at most not very far along the way yet. but i’m at that “finishing up“ stage of life which makes a “real me” kind of shocking - even to me - or silly/foolish, and not actually suited to a kind elderly gent such as myself with physicalities that forbid, preclude, deny or violate...

oh yes, here is a #3. i’ve been totally open with my temporarily off limits therapist and as well my therapists and psychiatrist at the intensive program. yet a big problem with therapy is that it is done at a “however long it may take” pace which i guess to them means that if it takes me 25 years to heal, so be it. that does not suit me at all. i have a specific “plan” of progress that needs acceptance and cooperation from professional providers and they are actually willing to be that, but still on the same basis; however long it may take (e.g. 25 years).

not to worry so much about what others think... as that will only inhibit

now here is what makes this so difficult. what goes on inside me is that who and what i actually am inside, the tormenter that lives in me spent as many years as i’ve been living making sure that i do not understand who the real me is. that is, it tells me constantly who i am. then it tells me constantly that i really do want to be that person. then it shows me that it is simply inflicting that “who i am” on me because it really is not me at all, but it is a hurtful thing to do to me. that sits perhaps rightest of all until i realize that that “me” who it says i am and then says i am not really does seem to be me. i become really certain i am the “me” i hide.

i call that demonlike tormenter hijacker yet it often insists that the real hijacker is me. “me” being the part of me that is so full of shame and fear, that prevents me from taking the steps you happen to be suggesting here, now.

you know, they say “if you can’t take the heat, get out of the frying pan” but i’ve actually already stepped out of the frying pan only to find that the pretty bluish-orange glowing-like rippling ribbons of air coming up from below the pan are mighty hot themselves. i’m having such difficulty finding a cooler spot where i can actually take steps.

But maybe if you'd started a thread where you could ask, or look for suggestions from others, to see if they've got any good leads... then that might be a start?

actually, the thread with the questions i did already post. it was not answered at all i think beyond some sympathy and or some higher level thinking which will only suit me once i’m already soaring through the ether. i honestly think i’m prepared for that but i still have 20 or so years on the earth to manage.

but i hope i am not appearing to be “yes but”ing you with my reply here. your thoughts are very much appreciated and do need continuous consideration. and i have written to my therapist who i can’t presently see and she has suggested ways to process these issues within my current therapy program. i then must remark, the answer for myself to the question this thread asks is “my therapy is a work in progress!”