How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[Lady Wolfshead]

Had a great support group last night. Today I went and got my hair done.

Also just ate half a bag of barbecue chips - which is a rare treat because they are "Fody" brand and I can't eat other flavoured chips because they all have onions in them. And I don't really like plain potato chips. So I never eat chips. Gosh, they are so good.

Also I got my stoic necklace in the mail and love it!

 

[Honeymoon]

They have violated me in every possible way and then humiliated me. Two things that should never have happened to me, because of who I am, because of how smart and protective of myself I am.
If you all think I will just let it go and forget and forgive...
I am shaking with anger and laughing.

I don't care about "don't react, don't get triggered" you hear me? I don't fucking care.

 

[MisterBGone]

They have violated me in every possible way and then humiliated me. Two things that should never have happened to me, because of who I am, because of how smart and protective of myself I am.
If you all think I will just let it go and forget and forgive...
I am shaking with anger and laughing.

I don't care about "don't react, don't get triggered" you hear me? I don't fucking care.

This sounds terrible. I hope you can get some help with whatever it is that you need. No one has the right to make you feel that way. Again, I'm sorry you are hurting and I hope you can do whatever it is that is necessary to remove yourself from the situation and see to it that it doesn't ever happen again.

Ignoring your reactions and your feelings makes no sense. You're human, after-all, and are going to behave naturally in a given situation. Dismissing the emotions generally only makes them magnified at a later date.

I hope that these are not persons or people who are in a position of power. And if they are, that you are still able to get some kind of help for the atrocities that have been done to you. Take care!

 

[Harrow]

Thank you @Lady Wolfshead your words are true. I have always believed that no one is a failure as long as they have the courage to go on.

But sometimes the thoughts can seep in, I had to give up my dog this week and it just hurt so much, I was the one that was supposed to love him and look afer him and always make sure he was safe, I know to some people it is just an animal but to me they are no less family and I repressed the thought of what I had done for a few days, but last night it just hit me, what have I done. But I had to do it. And of course when you dissapoint family those thoughts happen.

So it was how I felt, a genuine expression. But I do have the courage to go on

But thank you

 

[MisterBGone]

Thank you @Lady Wolfshead your words are true. I have always believed that no one is a failure as long as they have the courage to go on.

But sometimes the thoughts can seep in, I had to give up my dog this week and it just hurt so much, I was the one that was supposed to love him and look afer him and always make sure he was safe, I know to some people it is just an animal but to me they are no less family and I repressed the thought of what I had done for a few days, but last night it just hit me, what have I done. But I had to do it. And of course when you dissapoint family those thoughts happen.

So it was how I felt, a genuine expression. But I do have the courage to go on

But thank you

I'm sorry you had to do that, @Harrow - & suffer such a great loss! I'm sure you did what was best for him, and your act shows how much you cared ultimately for his well-being. It's hard to care for others, even those that mean the most, when we are in such throes... And I wholeheartedly agree with your assessment of where they lie in the hierarchy of family. Hopefully, someone else will come along and give him a nice home that can make him as happy as he was with you. Until then, they can watch over him and make sure he's o.k. Get some rest, if you can, and try not to let the thoughts get to you. As I know how loud they can become when something like guilt sets in. I consider it to be a noble gesture, on your behalf. One that showed you were his true friend. And had his best interest in mind.

 

[Honeymoon]

This sounds terrible. I hope you can get some help with whatever it is that you need. No one has the right to make you feel that way. Again, I'm sorry you are hurting and I hope you can do whatever it is that is necessary to remove yourself from the situation and see to it that it doesn't ever happen again.

Ignoring your reactions and your feelings makes no sense. You're human, after-all, and are going to behave naturally in a given situation. Dismissing the emotions generally only makes them magnified at a later date.

I hope that these are not persons or people who are in a position of power. And if they are, that you are still able to get some kind of help for the atrocities that have been done to you. Take care!

Unfortunately they are. There is no hope I will get any kind of help that is useful.
Every day is so disgusting for 7 months now.

Thank you. SF is the only place where people give support and kindness. Of all the places on the internet I've been, only here.

 

[Bergerac]

wish there was someone decent to talk to

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

They have violated me in every possible way and then humiliated me. Two things that should never have happened to me, because of who I am, because of how smart and protective of myself I am.
If you all think I will just let it go and forget and forgive...
I am shaking with anger and laughing.

I don't care about "don't react, don't get triggered" you hear me? I don't fucking care.

Please seek help. This isn't something you should have to get over on your own. If you have been sexually assaulted, you may need professional help.

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

I'm annoyed that I can never get enough sleep.

 

[Holding my breath]

Currently sitting in the back of the car, deliberately without a seatbelt because I don’t care any more.

 

[Bergerac]

Currently sitting in the back of the car, deliberately without a seatbelt because I don’t care any more.

Please fasten it, just in case this feeling passes, which it likely will. You could fly into the person in front, of course, too.

 

[Holding my breath]

Stupid that something like putting on a seatbelt is so difficult to do, because it’s a safety feature to keep me safe. I’ve spent a lot of today wishing I could be hurt in some way.

 

[Bergerac]

Stupid that something like putting on a seatbelt is so difficult to do, because it’s a safety feature to keep me safe. I’ve spent a lot of today wishing I could be hurt in some way.

Having potentially life-changing injuries isn't worth it, for this fleeting feeling.

 

[Holding my breath]

Life changing injuries sounds perfect right now. I wish I could just take myself away and never come back.
Contemplating divorce. Crazy that the reason I wouldn’t divorce him is that it would leave him with nothing. He’d have enough money for a house and he had a job etc, but he wouldn’t have the family, the kids, the companionship. He has no friends, no life outside of me, which is why I can’t understand why he treats me like a child, why he can be so angry and why I am so scared to ask him to do anything. If I ask I am told how much it will cost, how long it will take and then he will complain for the entire time how difficult it is and the toll it’s taking on him. He will repeatedly tell me why this was a bad idea, or why this will never work, or why I was wrong. I am always in the wrong. I am always wrong.

 

[Widowedvegan]

Life changing injuries sounds perfect right now. I wish I could just take myself away and never come back.
Contemplating divorce. Crazy that the reason I wouldn’t divorce him is that it would leave him with nothing. He’d have enough money for a house and he had a job etc, but he wouldn’t have the family, the kids, the companionship. He has no friends, no life outside of me, which is why I can’t understand why he treats me like a child, why he can be so angry and why I am so scared to ask him to do anything. If I ask I am told how much it will cost, how long it will take and then he will complain for the entire time how difficult it is and the toll it’s taking on him. He will repeatedly tell me why this was a bad idea, or why this will never work, or why I was wrong. I am always in the wrong. I am always wrong.

This sounds like a very difficult and sad situation @Holding my breath …
You are being very kind thinking of him, but at What cost to yourself? I also wonder what message this sends your children? Unless they are super young they will see and feel what is going on…
I can imagine the pain you are suffering, however, you not existing ends your pain and suffering only to begin theirs… In saying that I don’t mean to say that you should suffer so that they don’t - but, rather that there is probably another solution.
I also feel sympathy and empathy for your husband - it seems to me that he has serious mental health issues and needs help as well… Would it be possible to get him to seek help? If he won’t then maybe you need to stop worrying about him and look after yourself and your children… You are Not the problem, you are Not wrong - you are living in a very unhealthy relationship… Please give yourself the loving care you deserve…

 

[Harrow]

wish there was someone decent to talk to

I am always available and I'm sure so many other amazing people here are as well

 

[Bergerac]

I am always available and I'm sure so many other amazing people here are as well

Thank you, love

 

[total eclipse]

Very very depressed

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

Life changing injuries sounds perfect right now. I wish I could just take myself away and never come back.
Contemplating divorce. Crazy that the reason I wouldn’t divorce him is that it would leave him with nothing. He’d have enough money for a house and he had a job etc, but he wouldn’t have the family, the kids, the companionship. He has no friends, no life outside of me, which is why I can’t understand why he treats me like a child, why he can be so angry and why I am so scared to ask him to do anything. If I ask I am told how much it will cost, how long it will take and then he will complain for the entire time how difficult it is and the toll it’s taking on him. He will repeatedly tell me why this was a bad idea, or why this will never work, or why I was wrong. I am always in the wrong. I am always wrong.

I'm so sorry to hear you feel this way. I believe in kindness but not sure I would stay in a marriage to someone out of that kind of obligation. You have a right to enjoy your life as well. He sounds emotionally abusive. Please don't allow yourself to get injured or sick because that would only make things worse for you. You deserve respect and consideration, and any man who doesn't show that doesn't have the right to your attention. I get that he is no doubt caught up in his own pain and struggles but marriage is reciprocal and it shouldn't be one person doing all the conceding and support.

 

[Holding my breath]

This sounds like a very difficult and sad situation @Holding my breath …
You are being very kind thinking of him, but at What cost to yourself? I also wonder what message this sends your children? Unless they are super young they will see and feel what is going on…
I can imagine the pain you are suffering, however, you not existing ends your pain and suffering only to begin theirs… In saying that I don’t mean to say that you should suffer so that they don’t - but, rather that there is probably another solution.
I also feel sympathy and empathy for your husband - it seems to me that he has serious mental health issues and needs help as well… Would it be possible to get him to seek help? If he won’t then maybe you need to stop worrying about him and look after yourself and your children… You are Not the problem, you are Not wrong - you are living in a very unhealthy relationship… Please give yourself the loving care you deserve…

Thank you for your kind reply. He has gradually got worse over many years. I still care for him and care what happens to him. I would never want to see him left alone. I know I am pretty much all he has got. In fact he has told me that if he didn’t have me he would have no one. Sad, but I know this is true. Xx