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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
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Rested today. My daughter invited me to her gym which has a pool. I saw a man hugging his girlfriend there which would have made a perfect painting, the way the light was hitting his back. Other than that, I just went in the pool with my mojitos, I can't complain. I still felt lonely, as my daughter read her book and other people talked to others.
Feeling pretty down. My mind is doing the planning thing again, can't seem to stop it. I want the shit to stop and I know a surefire way to make that happen, except it's not something I really want to do either. So I feel trapped. Either end this or go on struggling for the next x amount of years, and for what. All this for the sake of fucking money. I can't even enjoy watching shows any more because my brain is saying "See that person, they got paid £250,000 for playing another person in this episode". So I can't even escape into something. I hate that my life is nothing but financial pressure and I can't go back in time and fix the mistakes which led me to this point.
At the same time I know a good night's sleep would probably help a great deal. But I've been saying that for a week now and getting nowhere with the sleep. It's hard enough doing the normal stuff without sleep, never mind climb mountains. I'm going to go and lie in my bed and maybe oblivion will come for a few hours. And then I'll do that waking up thing, open my eyes and look forward to the day, then remember all the bloody problems that I have to deal with.
Sorry for rambling on. I'm tired, so tired.
At the same time I know a good night's sleep would probably help a great deal. But I've been saying that for a week now and getting nowhere with the sleep. It's hard enough doing the normal stuff without sleep, never mind climb mountains. I'm going to go and lie in my bed and maybe oblivion will come for a few hours. And then I'll do that waking up thing, open my eyes and look forward to the day, then remember all the bloody problems that I have to deal with.
Sorry for rambling on. I'm tired, so tired.
Hugs galore, @nicktheundoer! I hope they help to give you a little comfort.
Very low and disappointed. Still awake at gone 4am I texted one of my last remaining "friends". She was supposed to get back to me about meeting up this August. Well that's what she said 2 months ago and I didn't hear shit from her. Last night I was so desperate and full of SI I reached out and said how much I was struggling. I just wanted someone who knew me in real life to know I wasn't doing well, maybe get a kind word, something. Message blue ticked and ignored. Of course. Just like when I tried to tell my family members the other week, an uncomfortable silence then a quick subject change. Ignored.
Truly wish I could die right now. It is my sincerest wish not to have to put up with this pointless, struggling existence any more.
Truly wish I could die right now. It is my sincerest wish not to have to put up with this pointless, struggling existence any more.
My mind is starting to make a decision for me. I don't want to, I really don't but I am backed into a corner and can't see any other way short of a fucking miracle. No matter how I try to divert my thoughts, one option keeps taking centre stage. I honestly didn't see my life ending up/ending this way, I've always been optimistic but maybe that's my downfall - I was too optimistic and not cautious enough and now I'm paying the penalties for that with interest.