-
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: Please read THIS THREAD about a rebrand for SF.
How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
- Start date
I’m really, really, super anxious. Not about anything specific, just a disembodied feeling that I have fucked up something but I don’t know what it is yet. I’m doing deep breathing and chasing dopamine hits from devices. I’m going to do more meditation tomorrow. I have been doing this daily, but I feel like I need to step it up a notch.
When it gets me, I wish I could catch anxiety in a jar like with a house spider and throw it outside. It's horrid. I hope you feel better soon @LumberJack . I think it helps to write down when it happens, somehow naming it takes a little bit of its menace away.
I'm not entirely sure. I'm back to my weird pattern of feeling better if I don't actually sleep. So far this year (all 5 days of it) I've been going to sleep then waking up super early after about 5 hours of sleep, then getting back for a couple more dozing hours if lucky, then waking up and feeling like utter and complete shit from 9am until 3pm - runny nose, eyes, sick, icky, anxious, shaky, exhausted. Then feeling OK for the rest of the day. Last night was different, I went to bed feeling OK albeit I'd had some waves of nausea, but after half an hour, had that old familiar feeling "Oh shit, I'm not sleeping tonight". Cue 7 hours of light dreams while still feeling awake, getting up for multiple loo visits just to break up the monotony, looking out of the window to look at how the snow's doing, finally admitting defeat and getting up.
I actually feel reasonable, like I did at times over the summer when I wasn't sleeping at all but managed to put in 12 hour days at the keyboard somehow. Not great. Not energized, but the nausea seems to have gone down a step. The renewed insomnia and reduced nausea points to perhaps another stage in the amitriptyline withdrawal and is a good sign that I'm moving through it. I don't feel too down or pessimistic right now, first time I've felt that way early in the day in 5 days.
The snow hasn't really been heavy here, there's a light dusting. On the other hand, they've closed the airport at the moment and that's near where my friend lives so it's clearly been pretty bad that way, so I don't know if she'll be able to make it. I'll message in a while.
I'm resigned to going back to work tomorrow. I don't want to, I'm feeling a sense of dread about it over certain things, even though I'm not back to full on grind mode straight away. I'll just have to ease into it and hopefully plan my next vacation in the spring. Pity Easter is such a long way off this year, late April instead of March, but hey ho. I really need to get the bank balance moving again to consolidate my financial position and hopefully sort out some of the shit that needs sorting round this place.
For now, another coffee is in order.
I actually feel reasonable, like I did at times over the summer when I wasn't sleeping at all but managed to put in 12 hour days at the keyboard somehow. Not great. Not energized, but the nausea seems to have gone down a step. The renewed insomnia and reduced nausea points to perhaps another stage in the amitriptyline withdrawal and is a good sign that I'm moving through it. I don't feel too down or pessimistic right now, first time I've felt that way early in the day in 5 days.
The snow hasn't really been heavy here, there's a light dusting. On the other hand, they've closed the airport at the moment and that's near where my friend lives so it's clearly been pretty bad that way, so I don't know if she'll be able to make it. I'll message in a while.
I'm resigned to going back to work tomorrow. I don't want to, I'm feeling a sense of dread about it over certain things, even though I'm not back to full on grind mode straight away. I'll just have to ease into it and hopefully plan my next vacation in the spring. Pity Easter is such a long way off this year, late April instead of March, but hey ho. I really need to get the bank balance moving again to consolidate my financial position and hopefully sort out some of the shit that needs sorting round this place.
For now, another coffee is in order.
Caffeinated and stoic. Got a message from friend saying she's testing the roads but may cancel. Timing has all gone to pot. Typical that I couldn't sleep partly because I knew I had to get up early (this is a thing for me, if I know I have to get up I'm less likely to go to sleep, as my brain says I mustn't oversleep, and a good way to achieve that is to not go to sleep in the first place!). Anyway, looks like I could potentially be at home all day anyway.
Relieved and disappointed at the same time. Haven't seen another human being to talk to since Friday 27th December so was looking forward to seeing my friend today to ease back into being a semi functioning social human, but she just cancelled, which I kind of expected. At the same time it means I've got a final day of doing nothing before going back to work, and will be seeing work people soon enough. Bloody weather though! Right, day on the sofa it is.
i am already done with today and it isn't quite 7:30am yet. i have "This is going to be a Good Day!" on repeat on my lips and in my head so i can get through work today and home to a relaxing evening. my last night of freedom alone. i am going to enjoy it to the fullest with whatever i have in the house!
Wet but well fed. I had to go out for a walk with the idea of stimulating my nervous system as I have just been gone all day, feeling totally worn out and shitty. If it's not withdrawal that eventually passes, I've no idea what I am going to do. Anyway as it happens the weather outside was utterly awful. There was snow overnight which was quite pretty, but by this evening it had all melted and appears to have been raining heavily non stop all day as the pavements and roads were all flooded, drains overflowing everywhere, and still raining out there, had to dodge a load of lakes on the pavement and at the crossing where water was swilling around everywhere. I got really wet and found it so depressing and my mood so low, I thought I deserved a takeout so I went to the Chinese and got a meal from there. Shouldn't be spending money on takeaways but thought sod it, the weather/situation overall couldn't be much grimmer for going back to work and the grind of public transport and commuting so I'll treat myself instead of cooking. At least I didn't got hungry today. And will dry off.