How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[LumberJack]

Basically the first time I really sort of "went mad" I ended up having my first adult therapist really pushing me to see a psychiatrist. I really disliked the guy and felt super insulted by him saying that I had either borderline personality disorder or Asperger's.

Borderline PD is usually the result of a lot of developmental trauma over years. At least according to the therapist who screened me for personality disorders when I was younger. I don’t think there’s anything inherently worse about having Borderline, but it’s a hell of a lot steeper path to learn how to manage it. I used to think that Borderline was just clinical code for, “this patient is a nightmare,” and I do think it’s stigmatized outside of mental health care, though.

 

[Shinzon1]

Borderline PD is usually the result of a lot of developmental trauma over years. At least according to the therapist who screened me for personality disorders when I was younger. I don’t think there’s anything inherently worse about having Borderline, but it’s a hell of a lot steeper path to learn how to manage it. I used to think that Borderline was just clinical code for, “this patient is a nightmare,” and I do think it’s stigmatized outside of mental health care, though.

That's probably what gave him the idea. Never met my dad. Abandoned by mom in various forms including a stint in California as a toddler where I barely left a car seat for a few months (which is the reason I'm pigeon toes so I'm told and never had the greatest coordination in my hands). My relationship with my primary caregiver was complicated on a good day

The part that didn't track is I have always felt like I have a stable sense of self. It felt like a slap in the face to say that becoming a atheist at 19 after growing up a Christian my whole life was some proof that I couldn't figure out who I am. I have been some flavor of freethinker ever sense. Like since when is rational deliberation a personality defect?

I have always enjoyed the puzzle of life and in some sense identified as a puzzle solver.

Who knows.... definitely some interesting things to think about

 

[Windhover]

Physically how I am feeling is I sure could use a hug.

 

[1964dodge]

Physically how I am feeling is I sure could use a hug.

 

[HappyKitty]

Families. The more you reveal, the more they will ask. The more you react, the more they'll make fun off. Being disrespected by them and having no boundaries is okay to them. Only good friends respect you. Even those that asks "how are you?," you need to be cautious off cause it doesn't mean they are okay with you.

 

[HappyKitty]

.. and lets be real, we are not getting any younger and skinnier...

 

[puffymilk]

I'm feeling lost, again, for what feels like the 100 millionth time. I kill off or squash the anxiety in various ways but it just comes back. I write stuff here, which means I exist in some way I guess. For what it's worth supposedly it all gets stored and aded o some machine learning algorithm.

I was feeling this way a couple of years ago, one of the reasons that made me pretty suicidal at the time, also the death of someone I knew. At the time I finally got a job that only made me feel miserable (I thought this job would heal my lost feelings) and I decided to quit to save myself, which made me appreciate my "lost" feelings more. I thought maybe I actually needed a long break, because I never want to go back to that miserable time again. While also looking for and doing stuff that makes me feel happy (not necessarily having goals). I hope that makes sense, and I'm so sorry you feel this way. Writing on this forum also helps me a lot, so I hope that can also help you too. Stay safe and I wish you all happiness!

 

[puffymilk]

Families. The more you reveal, the more they will ask. The more you react, the more they'll make fun off. Being disrespected by them and having no boundaries is okay to them. Only good friends respect you. Even those that asks "how are you?," you need to be cautious off cause it doesn't mean they are okay with you.

I know how this feels. I'm sorry if this is happening to you. I hope you're surrounded with people who appreciate and love you unconditionally

 

[AvidFan]

Physically how I am feeling is I sure could use a hug.

 

[HappyKitty]

I know how this feels. I'm sorry if this is happening to you. I hope you're surrounded with people who appreciate and love you unconditionally

thanksies, its normal, just know not everyone is mean. 🤗

 

[puffymilk]

Feeling all the love

 

[SillyOldBear]

Old, broken, cold.

 

[Inastorm]

That's probably what gave him the idea. Never met my dad. Abandoned by mom in various forms including a stint in California as a toddler where I barely left a car seat for a few months (which is the reason I'm pigeon toes so I'm told and never had the greatest coordination in my hands). My relationship with my primary caregiver was complicated on a good day

The part that didn't track is I have always felt like I have a stable sense of self. It felt like a slap in the face to say that becoming a atheist at 19 after growing up a Christian my whole life was some proof that I couldn't figure out who I am. I have been some flavor of freethinker ever sense. Like since when is rational deliberation a personality defect?

I have always enjoyed the puzzle of life and in some sense identified as a puzzle solver.

Who knows.... definitely some interesting things to think about

I was speaking to the crisis team in November after my relationship went down hill. I spent most of the 15 mins crying but they gave me a personality disorder on the back on that - I have since challenged it, as the doctor lied saying the appointment was well over an hour, which it wasn't, even the nurse who was there, said it was only 15 mins. I've been told by another doctor I might have personality disorder or autism. I've got another appointment in June. I just want some help. But yes, as soon as I said things like, my dad left when I was 5 and started taking drugs as a teenager, that was it. Everyone one I knew at that time were taking drugs.

 

[may71]

Hugs Seabird

 

[may71]

Hugs to anyone who would like hugs

 

[Lane]

Old, broken, cold.

Hope you can warm up and feel better. Maybe do something nice for yourself.

 

[Lane]

Stuck in a spiral and to lost to find my way out.

Sorry to hear youre feeling like this @AmberMarie. I hate when I spiral and I hope that youre feeling unstuck. How are you today?

 

[Lane]

Glad that my niece is not drinking heavily while she stays with me. I like to have another person around too since I get lonely. There doesn't seem to be anything pressing in my life right now and for that I'm grateful. Going to spend the day reading my book and just chilling out. Hope all SF members are doing as well as possible.

 

[Windhover]

In pieces but sort of okay in new unknown territory. Avoiding numbness the best I can. 'First time I've listend to the Miles Davis album in months without feeling like killing myself. It (Kind of Blue) was one we used to listen to a lot when things were very warm and good.

Thank you for the hugs and good wishes all.

- s

 

[1964dodge]

In pieces but sort of okay in new unknown territory. Avoiding numbness the best I can. 'First time I've listend to the Miles Davis album in months without feeling like killing myself. It (Kind of Blue) was one we used to listen to a lot when things were very warm and good.

Thank you for the hugs and good wishes all.

- s