How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[Lonely dude30]

Depressed that I didn’t get paid this week

 

[Inanimate]

Of no use to anyone. At the same time, no one needs anything from me anyway. Furthermore, I never gave a damn about “finding yourself” or whatever halfhearted inspiration I can make up as I go. Therapy and medication can go up in flames for all I care. I just want to rest now.

 

[Lane]

I dearly wish it wouldn't come too late.. because I don't have a plan B now for the time if it won't come. Just really don't have, and surviving will depend a lot on luck....
To say I'm scared - is not to say anything - I'm terrified and panicking. I have physical pains in my body because of panic.. Getting grippe in this crucial time is another blow in my plans - previous was repairs above my room which rended me completely dysfunctional (((
I know that I wasted a lot of time (2 years) and yet haven't find any work yet, but it only terrifies me more, because in the ~2 months left the danger of being left without means to live... I'm not ready to it at all, there's no plan B, really, at all.

I hope that it works out for you @FieryL . You are strong for trying. Job hunting can be so stressful.

 

[Lane]

Thanks @Lane. Sorry to hear about your sister and whats going go with your daughter.
I have been meditating on and off for a few years. I do Zazen which is really straight forward. Some people mediate on their breath but I can't as focusing on my breathing causes me anxiety, therefore I focus on my posture. Basically get a mat and sit if you can cross legged, if not sit on a standard dinning room type chair. Face a blank wall about 1 metre away and look at a 45 degree at the wall. Focus on your back being nice and straight and keep your eyes open. Sit there for 10 mins, and increase over time. If I start drifting away in my mind, I will adjust my posture to get back into a straight upright position again.

Thanks for sharing that. I'll have to give it a try.

 

[DowntheRabbitHole]

I don't want to be here anymore.

 

[1964dodge]

Great

i am very proud of you for trying to get better. you are doing a great job

mike....

 

[1964dodge]

Bitter.

 

[1964dodge]

Im feeling ok today, I think because my children are home and the house has some hustle and bustle. Otherwise I'd feel lonely except for my cat. My niece is still staying with me until she finds a job and I cherish the company.

I found out that my oldest daughter moved out of my town and bought a house near the shore. I think that this lessens the chance for us to reconcile. I try hard to keep my emotions in check otherwise I'd feel devastated.

i hope she eventually comes to her senses, you don't deserve this

mike.....

 

[1964dodge]

I dearly wish it wouldn't come too late.. because I don't have a plan B now for the time if it won't come. Just really don't have, and surviving will depend a lot on luck....
To say I'm scared - is not to say anything - I'm terrified and panicking. I have physical pains in my body because of panic.. Getting grippe in this crucial time is another blow in my plans - previous was repairs above my room which rended me completely dysfunctional (((
I know that I wasted a lot of time (2 years) and yet haven't find any work yet, but it only terrifies me more, because in the ~2 months left the danger of being left without means to live... I'm not ready to it at all, there's no plan B, really, at all.

 

[1964dodge]

I don't want to be here anymore.

i hope you can try to find a way to stick around. you are needed and loved

mike...

 

[1964dodge]

pretty good

mike

 

[SillyOldBear]

I don't want to be here anymore.

 

[LumberJack]

I'm tired, frustrated, angry, and fearful. Shameful that I've let my life fall apart and was just watching it because I was too depressed to take care of myself, but not depressed enough to make a plan. Been sleeping really sporadically for the past 10-11 days, including the two days of being up around the clock. I keep wondering if this is the universe telling me to go do it already. I need to heal but how can I heal when I am also inflicting new wounds all the time? Oh well, it will pass, of course. Doesn't feel that way and I no longer believe that I can manage this shit. Want to just disappear, at least from myself. I don't think I would last the night if I had a bottle of vodka handy. However, going to an AA meeting in 20 minutes. Usually feel better afterwards.

 

[Gard]

Confused/hurt/guilty.

I feel confused because as some of you know, I recently had a mental health crisis that distorted my perception of reality. I've had this confirmed by multiple professionals, so I know I'm not making it up, but still- there's a part of my brain that won't accept it happened, and believes I am just a terrible person. I am confused by why some people in my life seem to have no understanding or patience for me, when I have endless patience for them. I feel hurt because it's not like I haven't been trying or working at getting better, I have- I just had a flare up in the face of extreme stress- and that part is not my fault. My actions during the breakdown were deplorable, and I regret them very much- so I feel incredibly guilty. But if the roles were reversed, I'd forgive me. And that's hard to process.

Because they're a little crazy themselves.

 

[Gard]

I'm tired, frustrated, angry, and fearful. Shameful that I've let my life fall apart and was just watching it because I was too depressed to take care of myself, but not depressed enough to make a plan. Been sleeping really sporadically for the past 10-11 days, including the two days of being up around the clock. I keep wondering if this is the universe telling me to go do it already. I need to heal but how can I heal when I am also inflicting new wounds all the time? Oh well, it will pass, of course. Doesn't feel that way and I no longer believe that I can manage this shit. Want to just disappear, at least from myself. I don't think I would last the night if I had a bottle of vodka handy. However, going to an AA meeting in 20 minutes. Usually feel better afterwards.

Vodka is really, really bad. Alcohol only makes depression worse. It's a known depressant.
In the village where I used to live, they didn't drink vodka, but moonshine. They made it themselves, and I know how to make it myself. It's stronger than vodka, about 55-60 degrees.
It didn't change anything in their lives anyway.
Be strong.

 

[Gard]

I feel that not all is lost in this life and something can be done. But I don't know exactly what.

 

[puffymilk]

i am very proud of you for trying to get better. you are doing a great job

mike....

Thank you so much Mike!

 

[1964dodge]

Thank you so much Mike!

you're welcome @puffymilk

mike....

 

[ClassicsFan]

Grouchy.

 

[LumberJack]

Vodka is really, really bad. Alcohol only makes depression worse. It's a known depressant.
In the village where I used to live, they didn't drink vodka, but moonshine. They made it themselves, and I know how to make it myself. It's stronger than vodka, about 55-60 degrees.
It didn't change anything in their lives anyway.
Be strong.

Wow, moonshine? I am guessing that tastes utterly terrible. Also the risk of blindness so there is that… but yeah I am not thinking of drinking. It’s more tempting than usual right now. Not so much as wanting to get drunk, so much as solidifying my intent if I was going down that path.

I see statistics about alcohol as it being bad because it’s involved in about 60% of suicides. Those researchers think the booze is a factor but from inside my head, the effects of alcohol would be more of an accelerator for my intent that was fully formed ahead of time and I was planning to do either way.