How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[TragicReality]

My sons alive. I had to call to see if he is. He keeps saying he's going to kill himself. Maybe I really failed both my sons in life, but there's one thing I know, I love them both. If I tolertate abuse from my son any longer he will not learn that it's wrong. I know he's hurting, and I know hurting people hurt people. But to disrespect me to the extremes he has cant be tolerated any longer. I'm all tensed up today and hurting, I'm noticing what must be aging arthritis in my hands.

Just when I need a friend there is no one. Just this guy I tried dumping. He's not a bad person, I don't even really know him. So if he wants to do something tonight, anything, just for company, I want to if I feel better. I need a distraction and it's hard to read or watch anything. I'm listening to music, it helps.

 

[Inastorm]

@AvidFan Your not rambling at all. I hope you start to feel better soon. Get more fruit and vegetables in your diet. I hear you mention carbs a lot. Maybe you have developed some food intolerances, might be worth looking at your diet.

 

[TragicReality]

I don't think your son hates you. My son, 30, for years was nasty to me. It hurt. I came to the realization that it was himself he wasn't happy with. It was to a point where others noticed his snarky attitude, and almost caused a fight between my niece and him. She's very protective of me. I hope your son comes around Reality. Big 'S.

I think I get what you're saying. I know he's depressed and not happy with himself at all. But how many times can I prove I love him by giving him a space here, groceries to eat, when he has a bit of income and wont pick up one piece of garbage off the floor. When he says the dirtiest words, but I know he heard them from his dad to me. They stuck. I know deep down he doesn't hate me, but he needs professional help that I cant do, he wont go. He does have a little help but not enough in this small town. They can do their laundry and get a couple of snacks, but that's it. Not enough drinks for the week etc. But any money he had he used it for weed and then relied on me to keep helping. He's almost 25. I do remind him I can't fix everything, and some day I'm not here anymore and he has to learn how to stand on his own 2 feet, and get a job. He's so stubborn. I hope you have a good weekend and have some a/c for relief if it's still hot at your house.

 

[Inastorm]

My sons alive. I had to call to see if he is. He keeps saying he's going to kill himself. Maybe I really failed both my sons in life, but there's one thing I know, I love them both. If I tolertate abuse from my son any longer he will not learn that it's wrong. I know he's hurting, and I know hurting people hurt people. But to disrespect me to the extremes he has cant be tolerated any longer. I'm all tensed up today and hurting, I'm noticing what must be aging arthritis in my hands.

Just when I need a friend there is no one. Just this guy I tried dumping. He's not a bad person, I don't even really know him. So if he wants to do something tonight, anything, just for company, I want to if I feel better. I need a distraction and it's hard to read or watch anything. I'm listening to music, it helps.

Sounds rough, you dont want to take any abuse from your son, no matter what he's going through. Think that's a good idea with this guy, as long as your clear you need a friend at the moment. Might be confusing all round and difficult later on if he gets the wrong idea.

 

[Windhover]

Uncomfortable, way too much emotion, plus I'm worried about some loved ones. This morning my mood went even lower. I just let it, because that's what the therapist I talked with said to do. To be mindful with and sit with the damage. I kept with it while I did chores, breathing with my anger, sadness, grief, helplessness, disappointment, more grief. All this cycles around anyway so I can't yet tell if it's helping. I've put the sh items away out of site.

 

[Windhover]

hugs @AvidFan

 

[Inastorm]

@seabird
Im glad youve put the SH items out the way.
You said the other day that you have a bit of a realisation where you took your ring off, is this still the case?
While i understand what your therapist has said with sitting with the pain. Im a bit concerned to let yourself just go down and down. Id maybe look at distraction and kindness as well, maybe controlled times during meditation to be with the pain. Sorry i dont want to interfere, just concerned.

 

[cymbele]

I chickened out about asking my boss about pt. Maybe after the 4th of July holiday. I have to do it. My attitude towards work is suffering. I don’t enjoy my job anymore and it doesn’t look like it will change. It’s like asking for a raise I don’t even do those well. I need to get some courage

 

[AvidFan]

@AvidFan Your not rambling at all. I hope you start to feel better soon. Get more fruit and vegetables in your diet. I hear you mention carbs a lot. Maybe you have developed some food intolerances, might be worth looking at your diet.

I'm keeping a diary of various things and tracking it with AI at the moment to see if it comes up with any patterns.

 

[Windhover]

No it's okay, @Inastorm you're right about the mood going down and down. He is not the person I thought he was and that part is slowly starting to sink in. It's possible I have to admit that my add is more to blame than I realize. That's all I should say for now about that. I did move my ring to the other hand, didn't remove it completely. I've done my work today and am going to do a workout and then a distraction, maybe a movie. I hope you are doing alright, despite everything. hug only if you like hugs

 

[ClassicsFan]

Disappointed.

 

[SillyOldBear]

Uncomfortable, way too much emotion, plus I'm worried about some loved ones. This morning my mood went even lower. I just let it, because that's what the therapist I talked with said to do. To be mindful with and sit with the damage. I kept with it while I did chores, breathing with my anger, sadness, grief, helplessness, disappointment, more grief. All this cycles around anyway so I can't yet tell if it's helping. I've put the sh items away out of site.

Find one of Lekatt's post. At the bottom there are some links you can click. Try the one for affirmations. They are great. My current favorite is 'I am at peace with myself, I am at peace with the world.' Repeat it over and over. It helps when you start to get riled.

 

[Gard]

I still dont like pressing the ''like'' button when someone doesn't feel good, but it's a way of saying I see you I hear you.

I don't like it either. It would be nice to have a variety of buttons. For example, add “I'm sorry.” But I guess that would cost money, so I don't know.

(I stole the line off Boyd in From shouting at the monsters lol)

Is it a movie or something else? I tried searching for it on Google but couldn't find it. Please clarify, I'm interested.

I'm keeping a diary of various things and tracking it with AI at the moment to see if it comes up with any patterns.

I also have a diary in an Excel spreadsheet. I give points for different variables in my life. It really helps to keep track. But I don't use AI.

He is not the person I thought he was and that part is slowly starting to sink in.

This is the hardest part. I'm sorry.
My ex-girlfriend turned out to be a witch, and I'm in turmoil. This is no joke. I found out that she performs witchcraft rituals.

 

[Inanimate]

I don’t know what to do with this surplus energy. I’ve been going to the gym more often because I can hardly sit still from morning to evening. I rarely make time to just be. Nevertheless, I wouldn’t have it any other way because I’m bored out of my mind all the time, and I need a more suitable driving force besides gut-wrenching desperation.

 

[AvidFan]

@Gard

From (TV series) - Wikipedia

strange you couldn't find it, it was the first thing came up on my results but I guess they are personalized!

Also

From - From: Season 1 | IMDb

 

[AvidFan]

Awake. Drinking coffee. It's Saturday at least. Warm, but no obligations.

 

[AvidFan]

Oh also @Gard here's the bit I mentioned in my original ramblings

Spoiler: Later series spoiler!

I almost think I might rewatch it now 🤯🤔

 

[Lane]

I think I get what you're saying. I know he's depressed and not happy with himself at all. But how many times can I prove I love him by giving him a space here, groceries to eat, when he has a bit of income and wont pick up one piece of garbage off the floor. When he says the dirtiest words, but I know he heard them from his dad to me. They stuck. I know deep down he doesn't hate me, but he needs professional help that I cant do, he wont go. He does have a little help but not enough in this small town. They can do their laundry and get a couple of snacks, but that's it. Not enough drinks for the week etc. But any money he had he used it for weed and then relied on me to keep helping. He's almost 25. I do remind him I can't fix everything, and some day I'm not here anymore and he has to learn how to stand on his own 2 feet, and get a job. He's so stubborn. I hope you have a good weekend and have some a/c for relief if it's still hot at your house.

You're in a tough position but handling it very well I believe. It's sad but there's no guarantee how our children will turn out. Im sending positive vibes that your son finds a job and give you the respect you deserve.

 

[Lane]

I chickened out about asking my boss about pt. Maybe after the 4th of July holiday. I have to do it. My attitude towards work is suffering. I don’t enjoy my job anymore and it doesn’t look like it will change. It’s like asking for a raise I don’t even do those well. I need to get some courage

Im on your side with this S. I hope you get the result you want. It's a legitimate request and I hope your boss is understanding.

 

[Inastorm]

@Lane
How's your day going?