Hope you feel better soon @total eclipse. 
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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
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An ex of mine that was abusive would love bomb me with clothes and gifts, even a TV brought to my job once. I knew it was serious when I went to a previous job with a bruise under my eye. The emotional abuse took a long time to heal, thinking I was less than, not even deserving of tasting food or stating an opinion, if that makes sense. I left some of my possessions at his house as well which I missed, but was just strong about letting them go. What helped me immensely seabird was counseling at a women's shelter. I discovered things about my childhood and myself that helped me heal. I do recommend counseling with someone who specializes in trauma. I now know what a healthy relationship is after....quite a few years. Self care is work and planning but if you can, push yourself. I believe that what you do for your body,mind and spirit is so important.
Glad that it's Friday, as work has been getting on my nerves lately. So much so that I took the day off yesterday, went to a flea market and went to my friend's pool to hang out.
Also, talked to my daughter about something she did that I didn't like and am glad I didn't keep silent. She's bound to make mistakes at 22.
Other than that I'm trying to be grateful for things in my life andmanage my depression with meds and controlling my thoughts to a certain degree. I recently ordered some oil paints and am going to try to paint a picture for my living room without pressuring myself too much.i hope that you all are feeling as well as canbe and have a good weekend.
Also, talked to my daughter about something she did that I didn't like and am glad I didn't keep silent. She's bound to make mistakes at 22.
Other than that I'm trying to be grateful for things in my life andmanage my depression with meds and controlling my thoughts to a certain degree. I recently ordered some oil paints and am going to try to paint a picture for my living room without pressuring myself too much.i hope that you all are feeling as well as canbe and have a good weekend.
Weird discomfort/pain in my legs. Talked to a nurse today, since it have been going on for almost a week. But they couldn’t say anything really. Going down to the health center on Monday to see a doctor if it haven’t disappeared by then, and I still dare bother anyone with it.
Trying to watch a movie and relax.
Trying to watch a movie and relax.
@Lane 
yay for paint supplies. And, thank you for the advice, it's great. This is no longer feeling as tenuous as it did for months and months. I don't know how much piecing back together I can do, but the thread of it is here now. It was coming along, but the core sense of myself felt like it was gone. During a convo about something else, my son reminded me of one of our adventures from when we lived in the mountains, and all of a sudden, it flooded back. I used to be a person. I could feel it, feel me again. This was before meeting my ex before accepting being the prson he had to have.
yay for paint supplies. And, thank you for the advice, it's great. This is no longer feeling as tenuous as it did for months and months. I don't know how much piecing back together I can do, but the thread of it is here now. It was coming along, but the core sense of myself felt like it was gone. During a convo about something else, my son reminded me of one of our adventures from when we lived in the mountains, and all of a sudden, it flooded back. I used to be a person. I could feel it, feel me again. This was before meeting my ex before accepting being the prson he had to have.
somewhat relieved. The psychiatrist told me how and what to suggest with my friend to relieve the stress my friend is putting on me. Still a tough conversation to have but he - the pdoc- understood the pressure. We also talked about retirement for me. It was a good therapy session even though he doesn't do therapy - just meds. I needed therapy for this situation.
Tired. I did get some sleep somehow last night, but it wasn't enough to catch up on weeks of insomnia. I am hoping the sleep means my receptors are recovering and I will sleep again. I've not had panic and terror all day today, just a few anxious moments, it's getting less frequent and feeling calm and kind of normal more often. Wishing love to everyone on SF. ❤️
Better. I've now had 2 nights sleep and after 3 nights where my "body battery" completely tanked overnight with no sleep and watch showing stress through the night, I've now felt like I slept and the device data backs it up based on heart rate etc. Feel less anxious and exhausted so hopefully I am approaching if not turning a corner.
I’m doing well. I’m noticing that I am spending less time on the web (including here), and I’m feeling at least a glimmer of willingness to take proactive steps to improve my life. It’s not much more than willingness, though. Still have to take action.
Although my internal distress is noticeably easier now, I am also behaving like someone who is giving up and just waiting for the money to run out. Then…. I guess I don’t know. I desperately want some place to feel wanted or maybe even valued. I think this is probably a nearly universal human longing.
I miss my partner as much as I do because we needed each other. Interdependence is the healthiest state for us. Dependence is unhealthy, as is isolation, but I know that I feel like I’m allowed to be here when I can both give help and be helped.
Although my internal distress is noticeably easier now, I am also behaving like someone who is giving up and just waiting for the money to run out. Then…. I guess I don’t know. I desperately want some place to feel wanted or maybe even valued. I think this is probably a nearly universal human longing.
I miss my partner as much as I do because we needed each other. Interdependence is the healthiest state for us. Dependence is unhealthy, as is isolation, but I know that I feel like I’m allowed to be here when I can both give help and be helped.
