Hugs if you would like hugs @total eclipse
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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
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Hugs if you would like hugs @LumberJack
Liked, but out of empathy (I hope that’s the right word). I have had 3 damn cars totaled, none was my fault. Had to learn the hard way that uninsured/underinsured coverage is essential. Even if her insurance is covering it, it's still a pain because I'm guessing they are only going to offer the depreciated value, which may mean a huge unexpected expense to replace it, and also there is the hassle of finding a new vehicle on short notice. I do NOT envy anyone in that place because I have had to do it and it's just irritating af.
I feel like I complain too much, and even right now, I'm complaining about my own complaining! Oh just stop complaining, said the author of the self-help book. Gee thanks for that oh great source of wisdom! If only I hadn't already tried that and would not be reading your crappy book if I was able to do that?
I don't need fking ideas. I need to know how to figure out what to do when all my best efforts fail, or backfire and make things worse. It just makes me feel like I'm being lazy when people suggest banal, obvious shit that is actually very difficult for someone to do if they are so mentally unhealthy that they spend 12 hrs of every day just trying to not commit suicide in gruesome ways.
Okay - it's not "complaining" anymore. It's "venting." Whatever, lol!
I don't need fking ideas. I need to know how to figure out what to do when all my best efforts fail, or backfire and make things worse. It just makes me feel like I'm being lazy when people suggest banal, obvious shit that is actually very difficult for someone to do if they are so mentally unhealthy that they spend 12 hrs of every day just trying to not commit suicide in gruesome ways.
Okay - it's not "complaining" anymore. It's "venting." Whatever, lol!
Yes, I think it is. Thank you LumberJack.
Sorry you've gone through this multiple timtes. The other vehicle was at fault and I don't know if he has good insurance. In the meantime, my car can be put to use. I am still not driving due my lack of confidence and trust in my own abilites and judgement, but she can use it until things get sorted.
Sorry you've gone through this multiple timtes. The other vehicle was at fault and I don't know if he has good insurance. In the meantime, my car can be put to use. I am still not driving due my lack of confidence and trust in my own abilites and judgement, but she can use it until things get sorted.
Your post really made me think. I grew up with a complainer, my mother. She was great in so many ways but boy could she complain about things. I learned to stop myself from saying it out loud and giving myself a time, say for the next 15 minutes only focus on the good.
I work with a true complainer, from the minute she walks into work..."it's hot. Its cold, I wanna go home, etc." She doesn't know she does it, but we all know. Not sure of my point Lumberjack,just that your post resonates. Hope youre having a decent day and being good to yourself.
I work with a true complainer, from the minute she walks into work..."it's hot. Its cold, I wanna go home, etc." She doesn't know she does it, but we all know. Not sure of my point Lumberjack,just that your post resonates. Hope youre having a decent day and being good to yourself.
What was it like?
Also hugs
i hope things get easier for you soon.
Also hugs
i hope things get easier for you soon.
However, the one thing about jail is that I would have known what in the actual hell I was being punished for, and I would have had a chance to state my side of the story. This was not permitted, but instead staff members (who were not even licensed, mind you) unilaterally made treatment decisions about patients and the head nurse asked exactly zero questions to see if any appropriate process, such as talking to the patient about their behavior before restricting them from treatment, was followed. Also I had to beg and plead for 2 full days to get someone to clean the room they dumped me in, which I could tell from the literal shit smeared on the toilet and other residues of bodily fluids, had not been cleaned since the last occupant left. My roommate and I had to clean up the obvious stuff with paper towels and hand soap, but you cannot disinfect an entire bedroom and bathroom with fucking hand soap!
The other fun thing is that they intermixed substance detox patients and mental health crisis patients. So, my roommate was basically climbing the walls going through day 1 meth withdrawals, and I was there so anxious I could hardly form sentences. Fucking joke
You need to give yourself time to reset - my therapist says that sometimes people come in for just a few sessions to work through a single trauma that is not loaded with a lot of early childhood trauma behind it. For example, a car crash. That is potentially traumatic depending on the way you experience. I heard about one patient who refused to drive after being t-boned in an intersection. She then could not bring herself to check the right side peripheral of the car because that's where the impact came from. She was able to get back to driving (albeit not 100%, but on a good trajectory) after 4 sessions.
Not saying you should do this, but it is a "thing" in the world of therapy.
Not saying you should do this, but it is a "thing" in the world of therapy.
I have not slept for 32 hours. I have taken my night meds already at 17:30/5:30 PM and waiting for those to kick in. I was up and it felt like a normal day, except one that ran all the way through the night into the following day. Until I wasn't fine and I crashed. Suddenly the entire world was an unbearably sad and hopeless mess. I cried, not because I wanted to, but because it was happening regardless of how I felt about it.
Getting that out and releasing/discharging it helped me feel better. I still have a hard time eating in that I didn't eat at all since lunch on Sunday, but the same time I crashed, my appetite came back with interest due. So I'm super hungry, but I feel like I can't eat because my digestive system is not going to deal with it until I get some sleep. I did have some candy since the sugar should be easy to use without a lot of work in the gut, and I had leftover burrito bowl from Saturday, but eating the beans and rice made me regret it because now the starch is just a big lump in my stomach. I am drinking a lot of water, at least.
Getting that out and releasing/discharging it helped me feel better. I still have a hard time eating in that I didn't eat at all since lunch on Sunday, but the same time I crashed, my appetite came back with interest due. So I'm super hungry, but I feel like I can't eat because my digestive system is not going to deal with it until I get some sleep. I did have some candy since the sugar should be easy to use without a lot of work in the gut, and I had leftover burrito bowl from Saturday, but eating the beans and rice made me regret it because now the starch is just a big lump in my stomach. I am drinking a lot of water, at least.
It's hard when you've stopped eating for a while. Try to get some yogurt, kefir, or other gentle food in you. Sending good thought @LumberJack. On the other hand I shouldn't give advice about food so please ignore that.
Have you considered asking the doc about the small possibility of your meds not being quite balanced for you.
I like your advice about getting rest. I feel enormously sad and somewhat agnry that my husband is simply not in my life at all, as one of the first thoughts when getting out of the smoky wreck was I need him to hug me, to hold me. Hoever, that is never to be again.
I feel as though I need to stop and barricade everything out for a while. I took all my paintings off the wall(s), and will do a refresh of everything in a few days. I'm not throwing all those works away, jsut to be clear.
Have you considered asking the doc about the small possibility of your meds not being quite balanced for you.
I like your advice about getting rest. I feel enormously sad and somewhat agnry that my husband is simply not in my life at all, as one of the first thoughts when getting out of the smoky wreck was I need him to hug me, to hold me. Hoever, that is never to be again.
I feel as though I need to stop and barricade everything out for a while. I took all my paintings off the wall(s), and will do a refresh of everything in a few days. I'm not throwing all those works away, jsut to be clear.
I don’t think I complain like that. I was talking more about what I write about here.
To be fair, I haven’t had a job for so long that I don’t know how I would be around coworkers. I have not gone into the office since covid lockdown, and usually on video meetings I have a problem to solve, so we generally stick to the purpose of that call. I am not like intentionally positive. I do beat myself up a lot, but that’s been getting a lot better due to the work I am doing with therapy.
To be fair, I haven’t had a job for so long that I don’t know how I would be around coworkers. I have not gone into the office since covid lockdown, and usually on video meetings I have a problem to solve, so we generally stick to the purpose of that call. I am not like intentionally positive. I do beat myself up a lot, but that’s been getting a lot better due to the work I am doing with therapy.
No - you are right. I have not been kind to my gut micro biome and I am educated enough about the relationship between gut health and emotional regulation to be concerned about this. I know that I have been better with nutrition, and also was more resilient at those times.
Not yet, but I have an appointment with my APRN who is the provider I have for med mgt.
Sounds like you are grieving. I know that when I lost my long term partner, I first felt the loss of the person who I loved and with whom I had grown together. There was also the problem of day to day routine stuff. His family took care of the “paperwork” side of it, which was not a question because he was a Thai national; I wouldn’t have been able to handle it from the USA even if I knew what to do. But - not having the main grounding anchor in my life took adjustment.
Aside from that, and some years later, what came up was the loss of the relationship we had. The bond between us that we had cultivated and invested in together that nurtured our growth as a unit in return. I feel my phrasing there is clumsy- it wasn’t a transactional connection, but that’s the best I can describe it right now at 3:00 am, lol.
I was guessing that you might be there with your own process of grieving. Grief is not a linear process, no matter how badly I want it to be. So I am not taking about phases so much as facets, or a map of the terrain of grief, over, under, and through which we get tossed around.
Not yet, but I have an appointment with my APRN who is the provider I have for med mgt.
Sounds like you are grieving. I know that when I lost my long term partner, I first felt the loss of the person who I loved and with whom I had grown together. There was also the problem of day to day routine stuff. His family took care of the “paperwork” side of it, which was not a question because he was a Thai national; I wouldn’t have been able to handle it from the USA even if I knew what to do. But - not having the main grounding anchor in my life took adjustment.
Aside from that, and some years later, what came up was the loss of the relationship we had. The bond between us that we had cultivated and invested in together that nurtured our growth as a unit in return. I feel my phrasing there is clumsy- it wasn’t a transactional connection, but that’s the best I can describe it right now at 3:00 am, lol.
I was guessing that you might be there with your own process of grieving. Grief is not a linear process, no matter how badly I want it to be. So I am not taking about phases so much as facets, or a map of the terrain of grief, over, under, and through which we get tossed around.
It’s not allowed under state behavioral health regulations, but regulations are meaningless if there’s no budget for enforcement.
Ultimately it’s a business calculation. The parent company is making a bet that they can get away with violating patient rights. Since the profit margin is so high that they still have a cash cow even after the very rare event of enforcement actions, they can maximize profits by charging the patient’s insurance provider for care that the patient doesn’t receive. It’s like a used car lot that charges you for a Lexus, but what you get is a 25 year old Corolla. It’s a lot of profit for them, and since you do, theoretically, have a vehicle, they get away with it.
I did look up the regulations, which I could do because of my professional experience with compliance reporting and from having a job that involved managing HR data that contains HIPAA protected information. I reported them to the relevant state agency, and they filed “violations” against them for those that they could substantiate. The sanitation problems they couldn’t substantiate because the evidence was long gone at that point, but the overt patient rights violations were substantiated. This being said, they only have cause to do an investigation after they receive complaints, and the typical psychiatric patient who is abused in a treatment facility is not likely to know how to navigate the system as well as I could.
Supposedly, if a facility gets enough violations in a year, they could lose their license, but that’s ultimately meaningless because the parent firm can simply dissolve that business entity and spin up a new subsidiary with the exact same staff, facility, and culture, so they keep making money no matter what. I know this because I found out that this in fact happened at a similar facility in the same state.
This contrasts with non-health insurance regulations, where we had to prove that we were in compliance with regulations in each state, or we could lose our license at the parent company level to sell coverage. So, with home and auto insurance, we have to document every transaction to be able to pass a compliance audit yearly. And yet, somehow with inpatient psychiatric care, patients who are abused must figure out how to work the system and document the facility’s non-compliance, and then the underfunded state agency needs to get around to enforce that.
Supposedly, if a facility gets enough violations in a year, they could lose their license, but that’s ultimately meaningless because the parent firm can simply dissolve that business entity and spin up a new subsidiary with the exact same staff, facility, and culture, so they keep making money no matter what. I know this because I found out that this in fact happened at a similar facility in the same state.
This contrasts with non-health insurance regulations, where we had to prove that we were in compliance with regulations in each state, or we could lose our license at the parent company level to sell coverage. So, with home and auto insurance, we have to document every transaction to be able to pass a compliance audit yearly. And yet, somehow with inpatient psychiatric care, patients who are abused must figure out how to work the system and document the facility’s non-compliance, and then the underfunded state agency needs to get around to enforce that.
Ultimately it’s a business calculation. The parent company is making a bet that they can get away with violating patient rights. Since the profit margin is so high that they still have a cash cow even after the very rare event of enforcement actions, they can maximize profits by charging the patient’s insurance provider for care that the patient doesn’t receive. It’s like a used car lot that charges you for a Lexus, but what you get is a 25 year old Corolla. It’s a lot of profit for them, and since you do, theoretically, have a vehicle, they get away with it.