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IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: Please read THIS THREAD about a rebrand for SF.
How Are You Feeling Right Now?
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Well that didn't last. Looked at my credit card vs my bank balance. With rent coming up at the end of the month. Have to move more savings over... Not much left. I know I need to get a job, but it's not that easy. Especially when you're over 45. I'm stuck and the desire to just exit has gotten very attractive. IDK. My therapist is really good, and I would hate to off myself under her care. Kind of the same thing with my mom. She wasn't perfect, and is just not emotionally available even today, or maybe it's that I am too sensitive. She did her best, though, and had to make some hard choices. There's also the rest of my family, and the promise I made to my partner. I don't know if it's even going to be my choice in the end. Everyone has a breaking point, and I've been too close to mine too recently to feel like I can hold up to that level of pain again. Even now it would be so much easier to just give in.
Welcome to the forum @JeiJie. I hope it's ok to make a suggestion. Can you write down what you need before you go and even bring the list with you? Dont continue until you feel assured that you said what you intended to. I do hope your situation improves and you can find some peace here at SF.
Really frustrated. Am having trouble getting my tax docs from 401k dudes. MRI machine still is not fixed. Had to cancel appt I waited almost 2 months on because of it. At bible study yesterday pastor got into political debate with someone there. Totally inappropriate for bible study. So I left. Probably pissed him off. He thinks it is appropriate. Oh yeah, can't get a PT appt either. They are over booked.
I've barricaded myself within a few fiction and a couple of non-fiction books. Perhaps I will succeed in waiting depression out while distracting oneself like this. There was one good thought, that of even though someone, in this case the unnterly estranged person, would rather I was dead, that doesn't necessarily mean I'm supposed to be dead.
I'm very tired and a bit unwell really. Had several nights of waking up after an hour, and a few days of feeling headaches and like I'm inside a bell underwater. It has been a relentless January, despite efforts to not let work dominate my life. But I hope to have a quieter February. Got today off and the weekend now, which is something.
Please stay strong and safe @Something.idk. we care about you. 
Please stay strong and safe @Something.idk. we care about you.
Reading this, I had the thought that it seems like you’re putting an awful lot of pressure on yourself. I cringe at my past writings, too, but that’s a reason why it’s good we’re anonymous here relative to our IRL identities.
The idea I experiment with from time to time is to take a break from being my own art critic. For example, so what if my oh-so-witty joke bombed last night? I said in another thread that it’s worth it just to get that one in ten joke that brings an entire room to laughter. So, the schlock is part of the learning process, IMHO. There’s practice, which I do to get better at a thing, and then there’s performance where I show off, lol. I think here on SF that we are writing down some heavy emotional stuff, and so the eloquence of our prose should be a minor, minor consideration.
That’s why I think it’s okay to be sub-professional in our output here. If it helps at all, I sure don’t notice any poor writing in your posts. I don’t know if this is really getting at what you’re feeling. If so, please be patient with me, as I am impaired by testosterone, lol 🤪.
The idea I experiment with from time to time is to take a break from being my own art critic. For example, so what if my oh-so-witty joke bombed last night? I said in another thread that it’s worth it just to get that one in ten joke that brings an entire room to laughter. So, the schlock is part of the learning process, IMHO. There’s practice, which I do to get better at a thing, and then there’s performance where I show off, lol. I think here on SF that we are writing down some heavy emotional stuff, and so the eloquence of our prose should be a minor, minor consideration.
That’s why I think it’s okay to be sub-professional in our output here. If it helps at all, I sure don’t notice any poor writing in your posts. I don’t know if this is really getting at what you’re feeling. If so, please be patient with me, as I am impaired by testosterone, lol 🤪.